I know this thread is a month old but because there's only one response I figured I'd throw my two cents in since I know it's a very common issue.

Things get easier. Maybe by now, a month later, you're already realizing this but it's also possible that this is still an issue that's still on the go. But you will, in time, get back to your amazing sex life and the herp won't really be on your mind at all. It's just a matter of it becoming less in the forefront of both of your minds when the topic of sexuality comes up. When I was first diagnosed, I couldn't even masturbate properly for months because any fantasies I tried to conjure up began with me having to have a disclosure talk with my fantasy partners. Talk about feeling unsexy, haha. But life goes on and outbreaks become less frequent and it stops being something you think about on a regular basis, and now sex is just sex for me without the underlying, upsetting STD thoughts.

As far as emotional support goes, acceptance is by far the most healing thing. Just knowing that you still love and want her is HUGE. I was convinced that no one would ever find me to be a desirable sex partner again. Having people tell me otherwise was absolutely vital. Make sure she knows you still think she's sexy and wonderful and that you'll get through it together.

And in regards to your risk of contracting it - well, there are different ways to face that. In my case, I started dating a fellow who decided that he didn't mind the risk because a) though it is annoying, it isn't life-threatening and b) we plan to be together for a long time (forever?!) and in that case it doesn't really matter if we both have it. We have unprotected sex, though of course we abstain any time I have an outbreak or even if I'm just feeling a little iffy and suspicious. It's been 10 months and he hasn't showed any signs of having it, though he hasn't been tested. It's obviously not foolproof, but it works for us. You have to decide how safe you realistically want to be if you're in a long-term monogamous relationship. I know that it might be overly optimistic to just throw caution to the wind and act as though you'll for sure be together forever. But, you have to weigh the pros and cons. Do you want to use dental dams forever? Or would NOT using them make you feel too at-risk to be turned on?

I hope things have become easier for you guys and I wish you the best. Feel free to message me if you like

I'm glad someone posted about this. I have been exposed to HSV many times but repeatedly come up clean on blood tests.

There are medications like Valtrex on the market that can reduce the chances of her passing on the virus.

Herpes is difficult emotionally. It is a physically painful disease, but it does not deserve the social stigma American society sometimes places on it. I've never been in a long-term relationship with someone who has herpes (or had herpes at the time) but I think it's important to remind her that she's not "dirty". Do not make love during outbreaks, but if she does have an outbreak, be sure to still be intimate with her: cuddle, talk, and spend time with her.