((((( hugs )))))

First off, you're not "broken" or weird or deformed. You are totally, totally normal! All bodies are different, and whenever there is an estimated "average" it just means that they added up all the totals and divided that number. It doesn't necessarily mean that spacing is most common, just that it's the most "in the middle" of all the measurements taken.

Did you see this thread here discussing the same topic about distance? It's been a while since I measured mine, and I think mine came out to about 1 1/2 inches of space between my urethra and my clitoris. Would be more if I measure from the vaginal opening, but that thread was about urethra to clit, so that's how I measured.

Let me also say this - have you ever considered that those other "sex goddesses" were all just faking? Just something to consider, since your husband wasn't aware of the fact that YOU haven't been orgasming regularly with him... maybe he was similarly unaware with his exes. Just a possibility.

Anyway, yes you do need to put all of that out of your mind. And then remember - you KNOW how to have an orgasm. You know just what to do, and I'm assuming you can do it yourself when you masturbate. (Is that true? Can you bring yourself to orgasm during masturbation?)

So, assuming that's true, my question to you is this: Why not just do that stuff while you're having sex with your husband? If you know what works, do it. You can slide your hand down there more easily than your husband, so why not do that during sex. Why not slide a toy down there during sex.

I can't orgasm without SOME clitoral stimulation either, so I just make sure I'm getting what I need so I can get to orgasm. My man and I view our toys as our allies in having a happy, fulfilled sex life. So we use them together, and since being with him I found I'm easily multi-orgasmic. Maybe if you do what you need to (stimulate your clit in a way that works) you could have a similar experience. It's worked for you in the past, so why not do it some more?

Also - what we have found works best to allow me to easily achieve multiples is for penetrative sex to not even begin until I've had my first orgasm. Perhaps you and your husband could do something similar to make sure your needs are met. Plenty of good oral sex, or manual stimulation, or toy use before sex, to get you your first orgasm will "prime your pump" and make the sex more enjoyable, AND more likely to bring you to orgasm again.

Do any of these ideas sound like they would work for you? I'm glad you're here and posting about your issue, you're not alone. Isn't it amazing what some good communication will allow you to learn about your partner? I bet you'll be able to come to some helpful ideas through further communication! less

I was gonna link to the thread indiglo did. I started that thread, so I'll give you a bit more info on the clit:vaginal opening theory. Marie Bonaparte did some studies that started putting the links between the two together. Women who have a clit closer to their vaginal opening orgasm more easily during sex (without additional clitoral stimulation). The further apart the distance gets, the harder it is to achieve orgasm without additional stimulation. I forget now what the distance is where it starts to become difficult to orgasm without clitoral stimulation. I remember a two being in there somewhere. I tried to find it on Google real quick and couldn't.

Anyhow, I measure about 1cm, perhaps a little more, so I'm spaced close together. I can have vaginal orgasms easily during sex without my husband grinding any certain way. There are times I tell him not to mess with my clit, though that's rare because combined orgasms are better than one type of orgasm. Is it possible that his previous experiences were with closely spaced women? Perhaps. Or perhaps as mentioned they were full of it and he didn't know any better.

If you take a look at that poll, you'll notice that there's a wide range of variety in the distances. It's worth it to measure for yourself as that might give you a scientific fact behind why you need clitoral stimulation where others didn't. If you do - don't worry!! It's normal. Everyone is different. In fact, I felt weird when I said I didn't need my clit messed with because every other girl I talked to just wanted that. You're more in the majority of "normal" than those of us who can orgasm from sex alone.

I also second all of indiglo's suggestions. If you can bring yourself to orgasm, just do that but during sex. I usually use (hell, use 99% of the time) my MiMi during sex. It gives me more intense orgasms which feels better for me AND my husband. If you're not yet ready to bring in toys, just use your hands during sex and see how that goes. Just remember that if things aren't sexually satisfying, you can do things to improve them too! Sometimes guys are tuned out and won't pick up on what we need and when. At times, it's best to take some of it into our own hands. less

Thank you so much!! I read that thread and that is actually what brought me to this forum! I never have trouble orgasming with clitoral stimulation, whether on my own or otherwise. The only time I have ever had trouble has been while having sex with my husband (such is life). As it turns out, he just thought "all women" were like his exes. I know it sounds stupid but I am so madly in love with my husband that I didn't care that he was really the first partner I have had that I couldn't seem to orgasm with during sex. He just didn't take hints, if you know what I mean. And my hints were pretty strong! We got a toy while we were on our honeymoon that was something like a cock ring but with a large stimulator on the front, and it was amazing. Even though I raved and raved about it, though, after our honeymoon it went in a drawer because he said it felt "artificial." He doesn't even like to use lube because of the same reason--somehow it bruises his ego...? He feels like he should be able to satisfy me all by himself, blah, blah, blah... The ironic thing is that this new knowledge that my body is not really structured well for vaginal orgasms has actually made him more friendly to the idea of toys, etc., because now it is not him, it is me! Whatever (eye roll). Using my hands during sex feels almost as awkward to me as when he uses his (just seems to get in the way), but toys will work. It was really helpful to hear that you and your partner see toys as "allies" to your sex life; I needed to hear it because it really looks like I need them in order to climax during sex with my husband, and the prospect of always using toys did make me wonder how weird I was... less