So frustrated.

So frustrated.

Jenn (aka kissmykitty) Jenn (aka kissmykitty)
This is more of a rant than a request for help, but if you do have any suggestions, feel free to throw them my way. In a nutshell, I am having major issues with having an orgasm. Arousal, adequate natural lubrication, being "into it", building up to a climax, etc, are not a problem. Having the actual orgasm -- which I liken to falling off of a cliff once I've made it to the top --? FREAKING DIFFICULT. It doesn't matter if I'm masturbating, having sex, receiving oral, using toy A or toy B or toy C, watching porn, reading erotica, keeping my eyes closed, staring at the ceiling, etc. Getting off is a major pain in the ass for me, and it's driving me crazy!

I have a feeling that my difficulty orgasming, which started about two months ago, is related to the dramatic weight loss I've had in the past 14 months. I lost 45 lbs. in seven months, then had gastric bypass surgery, and have lost another 80 lbs. since then (my surgery was seven months ago). Aside from the weight loss and change in nutrition (I rely on protein shakes, multivitamins and calcium supplements to take in adequate nutrients; I do eat "regular" food, but very small portions of it, and on many days I skip out on a lot of regular food altogether because I'm just not interested in eating it), nothing else in my life has changed. No new stresses, no physical ailments, depression, etc.

I guess that in addition to venting, I'm hoping that maybe someone who has also lost a significant amount of weight in a year's time or so may be able to chime in and say, "This is normal, and it'll go away!". It's very frustrating, and I wind up going around and around in a vicious cycle. I don't get off, so I get frustrated, which sets me back, which frustrates me, and on and on I go...

*sigh*
06/16/2010
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Tori Rebel Tori Rebel
That sucks! But congrats on the awesome weight loss!

I wish I had some really concrete advice to offer but unfortunately i don't. My only thought is that if weight loss and changes in eating habits can very easily cause havoc on menstrual and ovulation cycles, which we know is can because it throws your hormone levels out of whack, chances are that's a plausible reason for your issue as well. You may want to talk to an ob/gyn to find out how long this might take to go away, and if there's anything you can do to even things out in the meantime.

Good luck!!!
06/16/2010
Jenn (aka kissmykitty) Jenn (aka kissmykitty)
Quote:
Originally posted by Tori Rebel
That sucks! But congrats on the awesome weight loss!

I wish I had some really concrete advice to offer but unfortunately i don't. My only thought is that if weight loss and changes in eating habits can very easily cause havoc on ...
Oh, I'm definitely blaming the hormones. My periods used to be "right as rain", as my grandmother used to say, up until I started losing weight. Since the surgery I have been all over the place! So I'm sure it's affecting my libido. It just drives me crazy that I get aroused and "worked up" just fine, it's just getting over that final "edge" that's difficult -- and always just out of reach.

I think I will make an appointment with my gyno. Maybe I'll get lucky and there will be some kind of low-dose hormone or even a topical ointment I can take to make things a little easier!
06/16/2010
Tori Rebel Tori Rebel
Quote:
Originally posted by Jenn (aka kissmykitty)
Oh, I'm definitely blaming the hormones. My periods used to be "right as rain", as my grandmother used to say, up until I started losing weight. Since the surgery I have been all over the place! So I'm sure it's affecting my ...
Good luck! Hopefully they'll tell you it will even out soon or that there's a simple fix!
06/16/2010
Alicia Alicia
Quote:
Originally posted by Jenn (aka kissmykitty)
This is more of a rant than a request for help, but if you do have any suggestions, feel free to throw them my way. In a nutshell, I am having major issues with having an orgasm. Arousal, adequate natural lubrication, being "into it", ...
Well, I haven't had this happen where I can't climax no matter what I do but I have had times that I've found it harder in certain ways..usually from either oral or from sex, like me on top. I'll find I can get so close and then...nothing. Or I'll just sit at that plateau and not be able to get further and man is that frustrating! Sometimes I find that it's my breathing that holds me back and I need to kind of hold my breath a bit and tense myself up. I don't know the technical aspects of it but it seems to push blood flow and allows me to climax easier/quicker.

Have you tried any kind of stimulating gel or lubricant? I've never personally tried one yet so I don't know if they work or not but I hear good things about them.

Good luck and I hope you get it figured out, congrats on your weight loss though!
06/16/2010
Crystal_Rose Crystal_Rose
One question... have you tried the Hitachi?

I lost 40 pounds a couple of years ago and have dealt with some serious "mind over matter" issues in the past so I kinda understand what you are going through. But toys that are very powerful would usually work with me whereas others that might have worked just fine in the past... not so much during those particular times.

The Hitachi is the first suggestion. Golden nugget, which is a bullet, is also very good since it runs off of a 9v, but the pocket fairy is even stronger since its rechargeable. The Blueberry Bliss is a powerful traditional vibrator with a cult following that doesn't cost that much, and the Wahl has a pattern of vibration that NO toy I've ever tried before has ever come close to having.
06/17/2010
Jenn (aka kissmykitty) Jenn (aka kissmykitty)
Quote:
Originally posted by Crystal_Rose
One question... have you tried the Hitachi?

I lost 40 pounds a couple of years ago and have dealt with some serious "mind over matter" issues in the past so I kinda understand what you are going through. But toys that are very ...
I have a Fairy Wand Massager. Close enough, right? I'll have to pull it out and use it more!
06/17/2010
Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
Quote:
Originally posted by Jenn (aka kissmykitty)
This is more of a rant than a request for help, but if you do have any suggestions, feel free to throw them my way. In a nutshell, I am having major issues with having an orgasm. Arousal, adequate natural lubrication, being "into it", ...
Sounds like a hormonal imbalance which I understand can happen after weight loss surgery. You might have a low testosterone or other needed hormone/ chemical needed for sexual health but usually obtainable from food. Were it me I would mention this to my doctor (my doctor is amazing and doesn't play down the psychological need for sexual satisfaction). You might seek the help of a homeopath who could recommend some herbal remedies that won't jerk your system around and interfere with your recovery. I have a firend who swears by testosterone creme and she also had gastric bypass so I dunno annecdotally maybe it could help. It's worth talking to someone about I would think.

I notice that when my body goes into a tailspin and I start not eating and losing weight I lose all desire or ability to orgasm...so it just might be an adjustment period. Either way good luck and I hope your Doc. can help!
06/18/2010
DONOTSHOPHERETHEOWNERISPSYCHO DONOTSHOPHERETHEOWNERISPSYCHO
It's likely hormonal. Any drastic weight gains or losses can really fuck with your hormones. I'd talk to the doctor you're seeing about your gastric bypass and your OB/GYN and see what they can do about it.
06/18/2010
P'Gell P'Gell
Quote:
Originally posted by Jenn (aka kissmykitty)
This is more of a rant than a request for help, but if you do have any suggestions, feel free to throw them my way. In a nutshell, I am having major issues with having an orgasm. Arousal, adequate natural lubrication, being "into it", ...
Jenn, congrats on losing the weight, but I understand what you are going through id the orgasm issue and hormones.

Body fat has a lot of circulating estrogen in it. When a woman loses a lot of body fat, the amount of estrogen in her system can definitely fall. Also, if your diet is limited (due to the bypass) the amount of added fat in your diet will be small and any estrogen your body IS making may not stick around. Estrogen is often necessary for a woman to have regular orgasms.

My issue is similar. I went into peri-menopause a few year ago. The hot flashes I can tolerate, the night sweats are not a problem, the mood swings suck, but I can handle them NOBODY told me, "Oh, by the way, you know those multiple orgasms you got to have at the beginning of peri? You can keep them, but having the FIRST one is going to be a real bitch!" I used to have my first orgasm within minutes of oral stimulation, until about a year and half ago, it became harder and harder to have an orgasm and I was close to insanity with the frustration. We tried new toys (some of which help a lot) different positions, but it would take me a half hour to an hour to come the first time, and sometimes not at all.

I finally went to my GYN for help. He gave me some Viagra (which didn't really work, and my insurance refuses to pay for it, but will if I was a man) and some estrogen vaginal creme.

The estrogen hasn't completely solved the problem, but it is a LOT better. We usually resort to a high powered vibrator (like the Wahl 7 in 1) right before I feel like I'm going to come and then continue on as regularly, but the estrogen has helped me to come about 75% of the time.

I had my hormones tested and my resting estrogen levels are low, as is progesterone and I had a slight decrease in testosterone (I had high T before, and even though my T is "Normal" it's still low for me, but as it is in "the normal range" my GYN won't supplement it for me, which is what I really want.)

You may want to talk to your doctor about testing your hormones, (usually right after your period, if you still get them, is the best time) and get a salivary Testosterone test, also. (Blood Testosterone is too variable to get a good reading, testing your saliva is the best test for Testosterone.) (I'm a nurse, I'm not making this stuff up. )

Maybe all you need is a little estrogen and progesterone, maybe you need a boost of a little T. You may only need the female hormones, (and probably a NON oral method of delivery, such as Nuva Ring, vaginal creme or patches would work best with your digestive situation.) You won't know until you see a doctor and have your hormone levels checked. This actually is something the gastro surgeon should have done originally. It is not uncommon is women who lose a great deal of weight.

Good luck. I hope you find your way back to regular orgasming.
06/21/2010
Total posts: 10
Unique posters: 7