The New Intimacy

A former prude shares what I hope will be encouragement. for those who need it

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Contributor: Hot 'N Sexy TexasMama Hot 'N Sexy TexasMama
I've been debating for a couple of days about writing this but decided to go ahead and do so even though it feels like I'm "exposing" quite a bit of myself.

I'm 51 years old and have been married for 32 years. Not only is my husband the only one I've had sex with - he's the only one I've ever kissed (or dated).

My husband reminded me earlier today that about 28 years ago (pre-kids) we tried using a vibrator. It was probably 7 or 8" long and was HARD plastic and I hated that thing....liked the vibration but there was no flexibility to it, etc. I don't remember how long we used it - he loved using it on me - but I hated it.

We also did some minor bondage stuff and had a blast with that.

But then I got pregnant with twins and then we started raising twins and you know how things can go once you have children.

Our sex life has been "so-so". He is great about massaging me - but I can't seem to stand massaging him and I can't do blow jobs. I have often felt like I was cheating him (although he would deny it).

The first thing that happened to change our sex life was that we got a Carol Wright catalog which had some sex toys in it. WOW. I mean - it was only 4 pages but WOW anyway.

Then Hulu started having ads for the KY jelly stuff that is intense for women. We still laugh about the "um...nutmeg" and "I believe nutmeg is an underused spice".

But we ordered a sex toy - broke down and bought the special KY stuff and that was the start.

The toy came last week - we love it (mostly).

Then this week my daughter showed me this website because her girlfriend was shopping on it.

I showed it to my husband - we ordered two more vibrators that are due tomorrow - and then tonight I ordered a beginner's bondage kit and a tassel thingy and the sheath you can get for free as a surprise for his birthday in 2 weeks.

We're having a blast - its like we're newlyweds again (but oh...are we both sore and achey - but at least with big smiles on our faces).

I would encourage you that if you're with someone who is a prude that you can improve things. Perhaps look at the website together and pick out an item to try. Or if you think you know what your partner would like then you could order it and surprise them and ask them to try it once.

I feel like my experience is something that proves that you can teach an old prude new tricks and if you're not careful - they may do the one teaching next time!

Good luck to all of you and thanks for reading this. I hope that in some way I can encourage you if you are in a relationship that could use some "oomph".
09/29/2011
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Contributor: P'Gell P'Gell
Congratulations on your new life.

My Man and I discovered sex toys fairly recently (within the last 5 years) although we were never "prudes" by a long shot.

Experimentation is fantastic and it will bring you closer to the one you love.

Read the forum and be sure to read the reviews on toys. They will give you ideas for new purchases and ideas for new things to do in bed.

Keep on playing!
09/29/2011
Contributor: Jul!a Jul!a
Thank you for sharing this with us. I'm so happy that you've decided to join the community and I hope you're around for a long time
09/29/2011
Contributor: Paladin Fantasys Paladin Fantasys
We entered the toy world a very short time ago at the ages of 50 and 53 as well. We both had a frustrated sex life, my libido is much stronger so I'd be irritable except for a couple days a couple times a month. When she was ready she would have nice orgasms, but not the most intense possible because she was always holding back.

It all started with a quest to give her worry free intense orgasms and a gut feeling that she'd be ready more often if she could experience uninhibited orgasm.

Then we found Eden Fantasys discussions and forum and learned to openly communicate about desires. It was scary at first, not knowing what would be accepted and what might have her running out the door.

Now? I'm not irritable all the time because we use toys to give me daily release and she has found things like the Form 2 and the Hitachi that have her ready several times a month. Winning!
09/29/2011
Contributor: Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
(EF Review Program Mentor)
Quote:
Originally posted by Hot 'N Sexy TexasMama
I've been debating for a couple of days about writing this but decided to go ahead and do so even though it feels like I'm "exposing" quite a bit of myself.

I'm 51 years old and have been married for 32 years. Not only ... more
Have you considered writing about your experiences for Eden Cafe or the Eden Lit Writers club? You have a lovely style.
Thnks for sharing your experiences this is the sort of stuff we love to hear!!
Keep on toyin'
09/29/2011
Contributor: indiglo indiglo
What a great story! I'm so glad you decided to share it. You have a wonderful writing style, and it really is a heart warming story. I am so happy that you two are rediscovering each other. I look forward to hearing how things continue! Bravo to you both!
09/29/2011
Contributor: wrecklesswords wrecklesswords
Thanks for sharing! This is actually really happy to hear. My girlfriend isn't much of a prude, but the topic of sex outside of sex can kind of embarrass her sometimes and I can't even really get her to look at this website with me. She said one day a few weeks ago "can't you just get something and surprise me?" It makes her nervous, but it makes me hopeful that she's at least willing to try it. I tried one of my toys on her several weeks ago and had a pretty positive experience, she just mentioned how she think she needs something bigger.

I'm so glad that you and your husband are feeling young and happy again! And even more pleased to hear that you have such a close relationship with your daughter that you two can share these things with each other! I'd like to be able to have that kind of relationship with my mother. She's not as close-minded as I'd like to think since she did support my trials of being a seller with Pure Romance, but when it came to any subcategory she shied away.

Anyway... yay for you!
09/29/2011
Contributor: Rawhide Rawhide
Awww, heartwarming story. Thanks for sharing!
09/29/2011
Contributor: Hot 'N Sexy TexasMama Hot 'N Sexy TexasMama
Oh thanks everyone - I will write more later (don't know what the Eden Cafe is) - but - OUR NEW TOYS JUST ARRIVED!

See ya later - hopefully MUCH later!

09/29/2011
Contributor: Hot 'N Sexy TexasMama Hot 'N Sexy TexasMama
Quote:
Originally posted by Airen Wolf
Have you considered writing about your experiences for Eden Cafe or the Eden Lit Writers club? You have a lovely style.
Thnks for sharing your experiences this is the sort of stuff we love to hear!!
Keep on toyin'
I am not sure what these are - but I will check them out. My main desire in writing is to be able to encourage newbies because I know what it is like to be "new" to toys and nervous about talking about things.

I also just wrote a comparative note in the vibrators section about our experiences a bit ago with the three vibrators we now have - so newbies could see the differences.
09/29/2011
Contributor: Hot 'N Sexy TexasMama Hot 'N Sexy TexasMama
Quote:
Originally posted by wrecklesswords
Thanks for sharing! This is actually really happy to hear. My girlfriend isn't much of a prude, but the topic of sex outside of sex can kind of embarrass her sometimes and I can't even really get her to look at this website with me. She ... more
I was so like your girlfriend until we bought and tried the Butterfly Kiss.

May I suggest that as a great starter item? Honestly -we used three different vibrators today in different positions (I wrote about it in the vibrator forum so newbies could see) and the Butterfly Kiss is probably our "go-to" vibrator even though it is a starter one.

Even though we just played a bit ago - I am seriously thinking about trying to entice my hubby to play again before he goes to work tonight...not sure though as he does need SOME sleep.

So perhaps some nice scented lotion - put some candles and music on and have a nice dinner and then say something like, "Hey...can we try something? Just close your eyes and trust me....".

Just a thought!
09/29/2011
Contributor: Illumin8 Illumin8
Thank you for sharing with us! So glad you and your husband are having a great time!
09/29/2011
Contributor: Selective Sensualist Selective Sensualist
Welcome to EF, and thanks for sharing your story with us!

My husband was the one who originally introduced me to toys. He would buy a toy here and there for me during the first few years of our marriage (we've been married 15 years). But I felt somewhat awkward and extremely embarrassed about them. Plus, the quality of the toys was questionable.

About a year and half ago, he offered to buy me some more toys since the old ones were looking pretty bad, but this time we did online research, and we learned that the quality of different sex toys were not the same. For the first time, we chose higher quality products with more body-safe materials, and it made all the difference in the world to me.


I have not looked back since that day--I have officially become a sex toy addict and could not be happier! My husband also enjoys toys, too, though my collection is much, much larger than his (which is fine with him).

Toys are a healthy way to relieve stress AND to increase your libido. I now have an even stronger desire for sex with my husband (though one might assume otherwise: that people who use toys would use toys to replace sex with his or her significant other). Discovering quality toys has definitely put a spark into our relationship and made us more adventurous and happier!

If you ever have any questions about anything, feel free to message me!
09/30/2011
Contributor: wrecklesswords wrecklesswords
Quote:
Originally posted by Hot 'N Sexy TexasMama
I was so like your girlfriend until we bought and tried the Butterfly Kiss.

May I suggest that as a great starter item? Honestly -we used three different vibrators today in different positions (I wrote about it in the vibrator forum so ... more
That's a great suggestion, thanks! She might like something like that.
09/30/2011
Contributor: Hot 'N Sexy TexasMama Hot 'N Sexy TexasMama
Quote:
Originally posted by wrecklesswords
That's a great suggestion, thanks! She might like something like that.
I thought I'd share an update with you (as a beginner).

I love the Flexi Ribbed Lover - but it is a hard jelly product and a lot of people don't care for jelly because it doesn't last as long and some people have problems with it.

Depending upon how much you want to spend - you could try the butterfly kiss as I mentioned before and the free bullet you can get from EF right now if you sign up for their newsletter - and you might want to try the Flexi Ribbed Lover next as a "beginner" item. I can hardly wait until my review is published - I think though that if your girlfriend is willing to try the butterfly - this would be a good "next step" item before moving on to silicone (which I find to be stiffer and not as flexible).

I hope you can find things she'll enjoy because I think once she gets over any hangups - you will both find it enhances your experiences. If she doesn't feel comfortable with the idea of vibrators, then you could consider dildos and I'd check out both of those forums for advice and tips.

Good luck!
10/01/2011
Contributor: wrecklesswords wrecklesswords
Quote:
Originally posted by Hot 'N Sexy TexasMama
I thought I'd share an update with you (as a beginner).

I love the Flexi Ribbed Lover - but it is a hard jelly product and a lot of people don't care for jelly because it doesn't last as long and some people have problems with ... more
Thanks so much again!

Hopefully soon I will be purchasing our first harness. She and I have agreed that we want one and want to try one, we just haven't had the funds. I surely don't, but I have a bit of money coming in that a long time ago I said I would be setting aside for that. And with the amount of points I have saved up, I should be able to knock a good amount off the initial cost and possibly be able to purchase something else for our fun time.
10/02/2011
Contributor: unfulfilled unfulfilled
Thanks for sharing the story with us. Welcome to the community. I'm glad you have found experimenting to be so enjoyable. What's the word for men that are prudes b/c that's what I have for a husband. Oh well, maybe I'll loosen him up eventually.
10/09/2011
Contributor: js250 js250
We started about 12 years ago and I primarily participated, reluctantly and awkwardly, until I had a strange epiphany about five years ago. I was struggling to watch a porn with my husband and realized that I do not have to want to perform what I watch to get off on it. I watch horror and true crime movies and do not kill or rob, etc. - porn is the same. Then I discovered lingerie. Some porn stars were wearing it and leaving it on to cover their flaws, hmmm...it worked! Then I dug out the old pocket rocket we had for about two years and loved it, I wanted more toys! Well, I am now a completely different person, am very open and experimental and love toys, sex and toys. (Yep, I said toys twice!)Sometimes you just have to wait for the right time and then go like hell to make up for the lost time!
10/09/2011
Contributor: - Kira - - Kira -
Thanks for sharing this! I wish I could get you to talk to some of my friends! My husband and I seem to have been born sex freaks, but we have a lot of friends that are married to "prudes," as you say. We try to talk to them about different things they could try to do but they discount our opinion because they assume since we've always been into that sort of thing that it just wouldn't work for them. Words of encouragement from someone who wasn't always as open would help them out a lot. I hope you continue to share your story to help those that are nervous to take a leap.
10/09/2011
Contributor: Hot 'N Sexy TexasMama Hot 'N Sexy TexasMama
Quote:
Originally posted by - Kira -
Thanks for sharing this! I wish I could get you to talk to some of my friends! My husband and I seem to have been born sex freaks, but we have a lot of friends that are married to "prudes," as you say. We try to talk to them about ... more
Thanks so much. I am thinking about writing an article and submitting it to EdenCafe called "Prude No More" with tips, etc.
10/09/2011
Contributor: wrecklesswords wrecklesswords
Quote:
Originally posted by Hot 'N Sexy TexasMama
Thanks so much. I am thinking about writing an article and submitting it to EdenCafe called "Prude No More" with tips, etc.
Do it! write the article! I'll totally read!
10/09/2011
Contributor: M121212 M121212
Thanks so much for sharing your story! That's really happy to read.
10/09/2011
Contributor: Hot 'N Sexy TexasMama Hot 'N Sexy TexasMama
Quote:
Originally posted by wrecklesswords
Do it! write the article! I'll totally read!
I hope to write it this week. I think the starting paragraphs are going to say something like this:

"I'm a Conservative Christian woman. I love to read and study my Bible and share about it with friends online. Sunday mornings you'll find me in church singing hymns and praise music and worshiping God with others. As I walk out of the church, my mouth starts watering as think about having a roll in the bedroom with my husband of 32 years. "What will we do this time?" I wonder.

Life wasn't always that way for us. Sex was a 20 minute activity we might have had once a week on the average. Now that we're in our 50's and have added toys to our marriage, it is not uncommon for us to spend 30-45 minutes twice a day enjoying each others' bodies.

This article is written for the men who feel they are married to Prudes. Once I was a prude, but that has all changed. Let me share with you some ideas for dealing with that prude in your life."


Does that sound ok? I do want it to state outright my faith because so many "Godly" or "Christian" women think its not ok to use toys for sex. So I want folks to know where I am coming from.
10/09/2011
Contributor: Yaoi Pervette (deleted) Yaoi Pervette (deleted)
Quote:
Originally posted by Hot 'N Sexy TexasMama
I hope to write it this week. I think the starting paragraphs are going to say something like this:

"I'm a Conservative Christian woman. I love to read and study my Bible and share about it with friends online. Sunday mornings ... more
I like it! I am not a Christian, but I know enough about Christianity and the Bible to know that there is no justification for the mentality that sex is dirty or for procreation only. Biblically speaking, sex within a marriage is supposed to be a time of bonding for a couple. Thanks for sharing your story.
10/09/2011
Contributor: Selective Sensualist Selective Sensualist
Quote:
Originally posted by js250
We started about 12 years ago and I primarily participated, reluctantly and awkwardly, until I had a strange epiphany about five years ago. I was struggling to watch a porn with my husband and realized that I do not have to want to perform what I ... more
This is how I used to feel. I also used to feel guilty about sex in general, even though I almost always had a strong sex drive (which just made me feel more guilty and "unfeminine" --after all, only men are supposed to have "urges," right?).

I'm not sure what my epiphany was exactly, but I'm certainly glad I had it! The problem is that I come from a very, very conservative Christian background and grew up with disapproving, judgmental voices all around me. I was taught to feel shame for feeling normal urges. Even now as an adult, I know that my family members (both in-laws and my own family) would strongly disapprove of our toys and of us watching pornography. I finally just had to let go of worrying what others think and focus on what makes both me and my husband happy. It really is no one else's business anyway since it does not concern them. As long as my husband and I are engaged in it together and it enhances our sexual relationship, that is all that matters. I would rather do what I can to make keep our sex life interesting and engaging than to just let it become dull and boring.
10/09/2011
Contributor: - Kira - - Kira -
Quote:
Originally posted by Hot 'N Sexy TexasMama
I hope to write it this week. I think the starting paragraphs are going to say something like this:

"I'm a Conservative Christian woman. I love to read and study my Bible and share about it with friends online. Sunday mornings ... more
That sounds really good! Can't wait to read your article.
10/09/2011
Contributor: Redboxbaby Redboxbaby
Quote:
Originally posted by Selective Sensualist
This is how I used to feel. I also used to feel guilty about sex in general, even though I almost always had a strong sex drive (which just made me feel more guilty and "unfeminine" --after all, only men are supposed to have ... more
So glad I read all the responses before I typed my own. You took the words from my mouth!

I, too, was raised in a very conservative Christian household and taught shame at a very early age, unfortunately. My grandmother once caught me lingering a little too long between my legs, when I was washing myself in the tub (I was a little girl, younger than 6). She freaked and yelled at me saying, "...only whores do that sort of thing." I was not sure what she was talking about, but I knew based on her tone, "whores" were bad and they touched their private areas.

It took me many years to get over feeling bad or ashamed when I enjoyed being touched sexually. Once I finally evicted everyone occupying emotional realestate in my brain (except my husband and myself), I was able to experience true freedom and ecstasy with sex.
10/09/2011
Contributor: wrecklesswords wrecklesswords
Quote:
Originally posted by Hot 'N Sexy TexasMama
I hope to write it this week. I think the starting paragraphs are going to say something like this:

"I'm a Conservative Christian woman. I love to read and study my Bible and share about it with friends online. Sunday mornings ... more
That sounds really awesome!

Actually, last night, I watched a documentary on the porn industry and there's a group of women who started a ministry and they call themselves JC's Girls and they want to let people in the porn industry or people who use a lot of toys, etc, can have a relationship with God if they want one. That it is okay to do what they do and have a relationship with God. I thought it was really awesome.
10/09/2011
Contributor: Hot 'N Sexy TexasMama Hot 'N Sexy TexasMama
Quote:
Originally posted by wrecklesswords
That sounds really awesome!

Actually, last night, I watched a documentary on the porn industry and there's a group of women who started a ministry and they call themselves JC's Girls and they want to let people in the porn industry or ... more
Wow - great ministry. I think its awesome.
10/10/2011
Contributor: wetone123 wetone123
Welcome to Eden TexasMama! I think your story is inspirational! I'm glad you will be writing more about your experiences. I believe in God and Jesus and I think the pleasures that a husband and wife can give each other are one of the best miracles in this world.
10/10/2011