Does your lover make you feel guilty if you can't or don't want to have sex?

Does your lover make you feel guilty if you can't or don't want to have sex?

TexasBrat TexasBrat
Maybe it's because you're sick, have a condition, or just don't want to....
Answers (private voting - your screen name will NOT appear in the results):
Yes they make me feel bad/guilty if I don't/can't have sex with them.
18
Usually, they try and convince me I want to, and I end up having sex anyway
20
No, my lover respects me, and understands that I can't/don't want to.
77
Total votes: 115 (101 voters)
Poll is closed
05/30/2011
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Wondermom Wondermom
My husband never does, unfortunately I am not as nice I get frustrated sexually and hate when his work schedule cuts into us being intimate. I already have major mood swings and chronic pain, so when I feel in the mood I expect to be pleased and that isn't always possible. I am working on it.
05/30/2011
MaryExy MaryExy
Depends on how much I don't want to. He generally has a good sense of whether I'm really against doing anything or I can be convinced.
05/30/2011
MaryExy MaryExy
Quote:
Originally posted by Wondermom
My husband never does, unfortunately I am not as nice I get frustrated sexually and hate when his work schedule cuts into us being intimate. I already have major mood swings and chronic pain, so when I feel in the mood I expect to be pleased and ...
Oh, I get irritated easily when he's not in the mood, too. There have been so many times I've tried to surprise him with a cam show and he has said he's too tired. I swear I'm gonna start taking a higher-hormone bc pill to purposefully try to lower my libido so I'm not asking for it more than he is.
05/30/2011
Wondermom Wondermom
Quote:
Originally posted by MaryExy
Oh, I get irritated easily when he's not in the mood, too. There have been so many times I've tried to surprise him with a cam show and he has said he's too tired. I swear I'm gonna start taking a higher-hormone bc pill to ...
Thats why I am saving up for a Bon Bon or wing, so I can have my fun without him lol
05/30/2011
Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
Quote:
Originally posted by TexasBrat
Maybe it's because you're sick, have a condition, or just don't want to....
For us it goes both ways, we don't want to make each other feel bad about not wanting or being unable to have sex but sometimes it still happens. We proactively work on rebuilding intimacy when feeling get singed because this is one area where letting hurt feelings fester isn't a good idea.
05/30/2011
Kdlips Kdlips
i end up doing it anyway
05/30/2011
Sammi Sammi
I probably make him feel guiltier than he makes me. We're both pretty understanding of it and try to work on it.
05/30/2011
Dusk Dusk
My partner makes me feel really guilty. It makes me frustrated and angry, but he doesn't necessarily feel it's okay for me to not want to have sex as often as I do. It's a difficult situation overall.
05/30/2011
Vegan Silk Vegan Silk
I feel a bit guilty. but that isn't related to his reaction. we both have sex toys, so when one is in the mood and the other is not we can help ourselves. we do try to put off masturbating in the hopes of aligning our schedules, but it doesn't always happen that way.
05/30/2011
Chilipepper Chilipepper
That was my ex-husband's passive-aggressive trick. Instead of admitting and taking responsibility for his extremely low (non-existent) libido, he guilted me for having an 'extremely high, badly timed' sex drive and 'getting worked up over a genital sneeze'.

I had an affair the day after I told him our marriage was over, and found out my libido was perfectly healthy and sane, and other men appreciated it very much. No more guilt trips. *smirk*

So, original question's answer - I never have a chance to turn it down, because I'm usually wanting it.
05/30/2011
The Curious Couple The Curious Couple
I try not to make my partner feel guilty if she's tired or not in the mood, but I can sense that turning me down makes her feel bad in itself. It's nothing to feel bad about, though.
05/30/2011
SamsDelight SamsDelight
Quote:
Originally posted by Wondermom
My husband never does, unfortunately I am not as nice I get frustrated sexually and hate when his work schedule cuts into us being intimate. I already have major mood swings and chronic pain, so when I feel in the mood I expect to be pleased and ...
I am in agreement on the not as nice part. I still have a huge issue with thinking if he is not sleeping with me he maybe sleeping with someone else. My parents drama that leaked into my life. Now if I am not up to it for what ever reason my husband is so sweet about it. Usually means he loves on me more to make me feel better.
05/30/2011
Coralbell Coralbell
So far I've only turned down sex on the heavy days of my period when I have cramps. We just stick to other sexual activities that don't involve vaginal penetration. Our sex drives seem pretty evenly matched so this hasn't been an issue for us.
05/31/2011
kjkitty kjkitty
My boyfriend definitely doesn't mean to, but I sometimes feel pressured anyways. I know it's all in my head but it still really upsets me. He is great when this happens though. He holds me and says he doesn't care if we have sex or not and usually we end up going out and doing something nice together.
05/31/2011
NarcissisticLust NarcissisticLust
Quote:
Originally posted by TexasBrat
Maybe it's because you're sick, have a condition, or just don't want to....
A boyfriend in the past was very aggressive about sex and even if I wasn't in the mood at all, he'd make me feel so guilty I'd just give up and have sex. To any women or men in relationships like that, be stronger than me and stand your ground.
05/31/2011
indiglo indiglo
Quote:
Originally posted by TexasBrat
Maybe it's because you're sick, have a condition, or just don't want to....
No. Both people have to have the freedom to say no if can't or just don't want to have sex. We don't turn each other down very often, but if one or the other of us doesn't feel like it there is never, ever a guilt trip. If someone does lay a guilt trip on you for that it really isn't healthy. If your partner loves you, they would only want to have sex with you when you're into it - otherwise it's just plain selfish.

Being turned down is not fun, but it's just part of life and it doesn't mean your partner doesn't love you, or that they aren't attracted to you anymore. Bodies are bodies, and they don't always work the way we want them to. As long as there is open communication about the "no" and the reasons behind it, we never have bad feelings about it. (Or if we do, they are quickly resolved.)
05/31/2011
DTV88 DTV88
I used to do it to my gf. but i stopped. now it is the other way around. im not complaining though.
05/31/2011
Jul!a Jul!a
With my husband now, I never have that problem. My last boyfriend would guilt me all the time because "we weren't having as much sex as everybody else" and "everybody else has sex this many times during the week" and "we only see each other on weekends so why wouldn't you want to have sex when we see each other" and never seemed to understand that when I've been working all week, I'm not in the mood to just jump right in and have sex and the way my mind works is that I'd rather spend quality time with you than just making sure we have sex and, oh yes, WE'RE NOT EVERYBODY ELSE!!!!!!!

There were many many arguments over this during the course of that relationship, lol.
05/31/2011
Vegan Silk Vegan Silk
Quote:
Originally posted by indiglo
No. Both people have to have the freedom to say no if can't or just don't want to have sex. We don't turn each other down very often, but if one or the other of us doesn't feel like it there is never, ever a guilt trip. If someone ...
Well said. not healthy at all.
05/31/2011
Howells Howells
I, myself feel guilty when I need to turn down. It happens very rarely though. Sometimes after we had too much (I guess there is such thing as too much) sex and I can become a little bit sore or I don't know, just don't feel the need.
05/31/2011
toxie m toxie m
Sometimes when I initially say no I'm actually convinceable and my boyfriend is pretty good at reading that, so sometimes he'll keep trying and about half the time he's successful in changing my mind. When I make it clear that I do actually mean no, though, he's totally understanding and we just cuddle it up. His answer for anytime I turn him down for things (too busy to have a date/have to cancel a hangout, don't wanna have sex) is that since we're going to stay together for a long time yet, there'll be plenty of opportunities in the future and so of course it's cool if we don't tonight I love him.
05/31/2011
Gunsmoke Gunsmoke
'Other' - in more than 20 years of marriage I don't think my wife has wanted sex when I didn't - I've never turned her down. However the reverse is far from true - but I don't try to make her feel guilty about it - even if sometimes I'm a bit pissed off. In the long run we'll have sex more often if I don't make a big deal of her refusals.
05/31/2011
Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
Quote:
Originally posted by SamsDelight
I am in agreement on the not as nice part. I still have a huge issue with thinking if he is not sleeping with me he maybe sleeping with someone else. My parents drama that leaked into my life. Now if I am not up to it for what ever reason my husband ...
If I could offer your poor psyche a suggestion: Try tuning your mind's eye to look for the intimate connection with your husband outside of actual sex. Too many times those of us who have trust issues say things like "If he is having sex with me and is enjoying it then he isn't cheating"...the truth is most times there ISN'T a sexual disconnect that points to cheating, there's an intimacy disconnect.

If he comes home joyfully and wants to know about your day; compliments you on your looks, cooking or housekeeping (or whatever); looks you in the eyes and smiles; wants to spend quiet time with you ect. these things are an indication that he is happy and content at home.

Listen to his fantasies and share yours without judgement, don't be afraid to hear that he is still looking at lovely women afterall you want your man to be a real man! Real men look but are honest about their intentions.

Make sure you make it absolutely safe for him to come to you about what he is thinking and feeling because that is probably the only thing that saved our wrecked marriage. I stopped attacking him for what I thought he was saying and started listening to him...really hearing him. Turns out he wasn't saying he didn't love me and wanted to find something better!

All of this heped me to leave my parent's horifying war zone of an example of marital bliss behind...and he was able to leave his free wheeling sex crazed parent's lives behind as well.
05/31/2011
Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
Quote:
Originally posted by toxie m
Sometimes when I initially say no I'm actually convinceable and my boyfriend is pretty good at reading that, so sometimes he'll keep trying and about half the time he's successful in changing my mind. When I make it clear that I do ...
You know I think so many relationships could be improved by your boyfriend's simple and profound logic! If you know you are going to have an abundance of food for the long haul what does it matter if you skip a meal now and again? Makes you appreciate it a bit more to have a real appetite!

So many times the scarcity principle gets mixed up in out love lives and it's silly! There's a difference between 'not tonight' and 'leave me alone will you?'
05/31/2011
indiglo indiglo
Quote:
Originally posted by toxie m
Sometimes when I initially say no I'm actually convinceable and my boyfriend is pretty good at reading that, so sometimes he'll keep trying and about half the time he's successful in changing my mind. When I make it clear that I do ...
My man says the same thing. He always says that it's ok, because we have plenty of time together and there will be plenty of opportunities in the future. Then he always says that he loves snuggling me and just spending time with me anyway, so it isn't like it's a let down or anything. I love him too!
05/31/2011
BBW Talks Toys BBW Talks Toys
Quote:
Originally posted by Wondermom
Thats why I am saving up for a Bon Bon or wing, so I can have my fun without him lol
Bon Bon... so easy for us bigger girls to ride... it's not as wide, I don't think!
05/31/2011
Wondermom Wondermom
Quote:
Originally posted by BBW Talks Toys
Bon Bon... so easy for us bigger girls to ride... it's not as wide, I don't think!
yeah, looking at them with the husband we both decided the bon bon looks the best for us
05/31/2011
MaryExy MaryExy
Quote:
Originally posted by Wondermom
yeah, looking at them with the husband we both decided the bon bon looks the best for us
Is there some "Which Liberator shape is right for you?" quiz I'm missing? There are so many choooooiceeeeees
05/31/2011
Lady Venus Lady Venus
Never.
05/31/2011
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Unique posters: 50