The New Intimacy

For guys... to fake or not to fake

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Contributor: Lady Hazel Lady Hazel
I am with this new guy and he some times gets upset that I dont orgasm during intercourse. I try to tell him that I orgasm externally, but we just arent at that "clicking" stage yet.

With that background.... should I
Answers (private voting - your screen name will NOT appear in the results):
Should I fake it until we "click" to just ease the bedroom tension??
2
Should I just be frank and tell him what I need??
24
Let things go as they are and they will work out??
Total votes: 26 (26 voters)
Poll is closed
03/05/2012
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Contributor: Owl Identified Owl Identified
Faking just gets you locked into a pattern of faking. You can't really fake orgasms from, let's say, penetration and then four weeks later say that method no longer gets you off. Trust me, I've been there. It's easier to be up front initially rather than have to take it all back later. Or, even worse, keep pretending that you're having fun when you're not. If this fella isn't okay with involving the play that's needed for you to have an orgasm too, he's not the guy for you.

Good luck with this!
03/05/2012
Contributor: Rossie Rossie
I totally agree with what Owl Identified said, be patient and explain to him what your needs are, if the guy cares about you, he should be willing to do whatever is necessary to get you there. IF he's unwilling to do so, he's not the guy for you.
03/05/2012
Contributor: indiglo indiglo
Quote:
Originally posted by Owl Identified
Faking just gets you locked into a pattern of faking. You can't really fake orgasms from, let's say, penetration and then four weeks later say that method no longer gets you off. Trust me, I've been there. It's easier to be up front ... more
Totally agree, very well said. I'll just ditto this!
03/05/2012
Contributor: tigertiger tigertiger
Quote:
Originally posted by Lady Hazel
I am with this new guy and he some times gets upset that I dont orgasm during intercourse. I try to tell him that I orgasm externally, but we just arent at that "clicking" stage yet.

With that background.... should I
you will never get what you want if you don't tell him what you want!
03/05/2012
Contributor: Moein Moein
Yes .. In sex like in War lies are good thing to do.. To fake in love and sex is good because it doesn't hurt any one.
03/05/2012
Contributor: DreamWolf DreamWolf
Honesty ALWAYS works better than lies - don't fake, you will be happy to see the good effects later!!!
03/05/2012
Contributor: PeaceToTheMiddleEast PeaceToTheMiddleEast
Be up front with him. Faking is no good.
03/05/2012
Contributor: GoneBabyGone GoneBabyGone
Not a guy, but be upfront! If he isn't willing to learn what pleases you he isn't worth your time!

I have been with a fellow for four years now and he understands I don't always orgasm from sex and foreplay. I don't need to, sex is enjoyable without having and orgasm every time (For me at least). My ex did not understand this and would keep trying and get angry when he failed. But he also refused to take any instruction as well.

*Shrugs*
03/06/2012
Contributor: LavenderSkies LavenderSkies
Quote:
Originally posted by Owl Identified
Faking just gets you locked into a pattern of faking. You can't really fake orgasms from, let's say, penetration and then four weeks later say that method no longer gets you off. Trust me, I've been there. It's easier to be up front ... more
Well said.
03/06/2012
Contributor: Trepier Trepier
Just be upfront about it. Best way to figure things out between you two and allows you to become more comfortable in my experience. As a guy learning over a period of a time that what you think was working and find out later was false is detrimental. That can hit a person hard psychologically which may lead to further problems.
03/06/2012
Contributor: AJvil AJvil
Quote:
Originally posted by Lady Hazel
I am with this new guy and he some times gets upset that I dont orgasm during intercourse. I try to tell him that I orgasm externally, but we just arent at that "clicking" stage yet.

With that background.... should I
don't fake it
03/06/2012
Contributor: wildorchid wildorchid
Any guy who is worth your time and energy will be willing to learn what gets you off. Be honest with him. It would be really confusing for him if things got a little more serious and suddenly your needs changed. Owl Identified said it best.
03/06/2012
Contributor: Lady Hazel Lady Hazel
Quote:
Originally posted by Owl Identified
Faking just gets you locked into a pattern of faking. You can't really fake orgasms from, let's say, penetration and then four weeks later say that method no longer gets you off. Trust me, I've been there. It's easier to be up front ... more
Thanks... good response
03/06/2012
Contributor: Lady Hazel Lady Hazel
Thanks for all the great responses
03/06/2012
Contributor: Positwist Positwist
Lots of good advice here!

I'll add that part of him learning what gets you off also means that he'll have to learn what DOESN'T get you off. I've run into guys who have a rough time wrapping their heads around the idea that their fantastic and manly cocks actually--gasp!--can't make a woman orgasm. Dudes are raised in this culture to believe that their cocks are the be-all and end-all of female pleasure, so it can take some work to convince them otherwise without hurting feelings. This may not describe your guy at all, but I'm throwing this out there just in case.

Like Owl Identified said, lying to him and telling him you do get off on PIV sex will only make it more difficult to communicate what you like later, especially if he believes the magical cock myth.
03/08/2012
Contributor: married with children married with children
communication is the key.
03/08/2012
Contributor: butts butts
Personally I don't think there is ever an excuse to fake. And more importantly, there's no excuse to NOT educate him on your body and your needs if you're going to be sexually active with him! Sounds like he's not experienced with "real" sex and the fact that the majority of females can't orgasm from penetration alone, he doesn't understand the anatomy differences. Just calmly explain to him that the majority of a female's nerves are not inside the vagina, but outside, it's not his fault (or yours) that you can't orgasm from penetration.
02/18/2013