For strap-on sex, is the dildo chosen/bought by the giver or the receiver?

Featured by EdenFantasys

Harnesses & Men: Learn How to Use and to Enjoy

Explore Now

Strapon harness

Dildo harness

Learn How
to Choose Your Perfect Harness
and Strap-on

Read Now

Skip to last post

Set alerts

Updates

Antipova

If you're in a relationship where strap-on sex is common or the norm, who picks the dildo(s) before you purchase them?

I can see the giver kind of... 'owning' the cock/dildo, but I can also see the receiver having a very strong interest in what shape/size is being put in them.

On the other hand, maybe it doesn't matter who's giving and who's receiving, so much as one person in the relationship is just more knowledgeable about dildos? Or do you collaborate?

I'm also curious about strap-on givers who don't have a steady partner... do you have a collection so that any given partner or any given night has an option that suits them? Or do you 'own' the dildo yourself and your partner just adapts to it?

Answers (public voting - your screen name will appear in the results):

I don't really engage in strap-on sex but I want a poll point.

Gone (LD29)

In my relationship, the giver picks the dildo he/she wants to buy (because?)

- Kira - , aliceinthehole

In my relationship, the receiver picks the dildo he/she wants to buy (because?)

Kindred

I'm a receiver not in a relationship and I pick my own dildo (because?)

CafeSabroso

I'm a giver not in a relationship and I pick my own dildo (because?)

KyotoAngel

I'm a receiver not in a relationship and I let the giver pick (because?)

I'm a giver not in a relationship and I let the receiver pick (because?)

I switch and... (fill in the blank!)

Positwist , charletnarouh

We pick together (this is multiple choice, so if you look at the options together but someone makes a final decision, you can pick both)

- Kira - , kawigrl , GONE! , Bzz , Positwist , Missmarc , Pirate , chort , KyotoAngel , charletnarouh

Something else.

Rin (aka Nire) , Rawhide , potstickers , Rossie , Positwist

Total votes: 23 (18 voters)

Poll is closed

01/10/2012

All promotions

GingerAnn

Perceptive forum discussions on Dildo harness:

New Comers vs. Bikini Harness
I have the New Comers kit by Sportsheets and I really like it. The 3/4 diameter dildo is perfect for me when I have pain during sex, but it's a...

Male harnesses are out of stock...
Looks like all the male harnesses are out of stock. Has anyone one had luck DP with one of the other standard harnesses? Or is there a brand name to

How do I know which size I need?
I am having a hard time deciding on the sizing. I'm a fairly small person but according to the suggested size, I'd have to get a large. My pant size..

Strap It On - why BDSM? Where could it go?
I've been thinking about the placement of the Strap It On forum for a while now. It's currently under BDSM, and while many strappers are into the BSDM...

How do you know if a strap on is good to buy?
Hard to tell shopping online so curious.

01/10/2012

kawigrl

receiver

01/10/2012

Rin (aka Nire)

Haven't had the opportunity, but if I ever do, I would prefer collaborate and choose together. If that wasn't an option, I'd think the receiver (whether it be myself or the other person) should be the one to choose what toy's going in them.

01/10/2012

- Kira -

So I picked that we pick together, but that I (the giver) pick since I make the final decision. Basically I get the final say because I know what I'm looking at and hubby doesn't. The lovely way he puts it is "you've stuck so many things in there." Nice. I have a better idea of what materials are safe, what brands are good, etc. He looks with me and has veto power on things, but rarely uses it.

I'll usually pick out a selection of five or sex "next to buy" dildos and text the links to him to look over at work (yeah, he works hard!). The reply I almost always get back is "whichever," but sometimes I'll get "I like A and B best." Then I'll pick the final one based on which I think will be highest quality and will give him the best experience based on what I know his preferences are. Sometimes I'll just randomly buy stuff I think he'll like based on his preferences and surprise him (since I usually get the "whichever" reply anyhow).

01/10/2012

GONE!

I would want it to be a mostly shared decision if I was getting a new one.

01/11/2012

Rawhide

Single right now, so I keep a collection to choose from. I pack with Silky, which is 1 and 5/8" girth and has lots of give, never met a girl who wasn't pleased with him. So that's the cock I tend to lead with, so to speak. From there we can discuss, and switch out if she wants something bigger, smaller, etc.

In a long term relationship, I'm willing to go shopping together and pick out something if there is a cock out there that she would particularly like me to have.

01/11/2012

Rossie

The receiver gets to decide what dildo to use.

02/25/2012

Positwist

Certified lesbian and strap-on user speaking. I both give and receive.

I've been in charge of the toys in every relationship, only because I'm the toy geek (and the toy snob).

With a short term or occasional partner, we select from my existing collection (or theirs, theoretically, but I've never played with someone who has a collection as ridiculous as mine). The unspoken rule is that the receiver has the final say in what we use--unless it's a D/s relationship, then the dom usually chooses.

With longer-term partners, we've shopped more or less like single people. Individually, we buy what we'd like to receive (either for masturbation or strap-on use). I'm also not doing the whole commitment thing right now, so it wouldn't make much sense for us to buy in reference to each other, especially when we're dropping $50-100 per toy.

More unspoken rules: With a partner who identifies gender-wise with strapping on but not with receiving, they usually choose, since it's their cock.

TL;DR response: It depends. Hah.

03/08/2012

Kindred

I may consult my wife, but I make all of the toy purchases in our relationship, even ones we use on her.

03/08/2012

CafeSabroso

As the receiver, I choose because I know what I like, and I think I have enough variety to suit the preferences of the giver, if needed. It may also be because I'm a bossy bottom

03/09/2012

Pirate

we collaborate for our tastes, but since i'm mostly a receiver, he prefers me to do the final choice. tbh, i prefer when he's chooses ;D

03/09/2012

KyotoAngel

I usually line up a comparison of the ones I'm looking at and email it to my boyfriend so he can provide input on which one he wants inside him.
Then I make my own choice based on his feedback. ^_^
The color though...that alone is pretty much non-negotiable since I'm much more selective about the color/look of a toy than he is.

03/11/2012

charletnarouh

Currently single but when in a relationship, I switch roles and I prefer to collaborate. When I'm receiving, I am quite particular about size because I'm super tiny. Whether giving or receiving, I don't like realistic dildos. I don't have a penis and don't want one and I don't want a fake one that looks like it could be mine. I also like girls and girls don't have penises (and I also dislike penises in general) so I don't want something that looks like it could be part of my partner either. In all cases, I think size should be up to the receiver. I've had previous partners who severely disliked my choice of size because they said it was "embarrassing" or "insulting" to use something that small. *eye roll* Shape should be largely up to the receiver for how it feels inside them, but the giver should have input too since it matters for angle and ease of thrusting. I like my dildos to match my harnesses, don't want any clashing colors, but this is something that can be collaborated on, or fixed by buying a different harness. In general, I think the harness should be decided on by the wearer, since they're, well, wearing it! Unless there's something aesthetically unappealing to the receiver about the harness or something about it that is uncomfortable to the receiver during use that they might object to. Basically, lots of collaboration.

03/11/2012

charletnarouh

Quote:

Originally posted by charletnarouh

Oh! And I reserve the right to veto toys on the basis of materials and safety, especially if my partner is less knowledgable about such things. I pretty much stick strictly with silicone for the purpose of strap-on sex. Body safe, sanitizeable, safe to thrust without worrying about bruising the cervix.

03/11/2012

Total posts: 15 Unique posters: 14

Make a post