The New Intimacy

Problems Getting Into It

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Contributor: FlashFuchsia FlashFuchsia
This is one of those "am I a freak because this happens" threads.

When I do solo play, I always have a really hard time getting into it and fantasizing and that kind of thing. When I try, I just hit some sort of wall and I just can't figure out how to do it. When I try to fantasize, I have trouble thinking about it happening to me because I don't know what it feels like to have any acts done on me/do any acts. This is also related to why I never get any satisfaction from oral play with my toys. Usually when I solo I pretty much just go through the motions to alleviate tension, so maybe that has something to do with it?
03/26/2013
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Contributor: AmethystQueen AmethystQueen
I seem to have a mental block as well. I can't use my fingers on myself. I don't think me feeling myself is very sexy. I didn't have a lot of practice at it, so I think that messes things up for me.
03/26/2013
Contributor: KinkyKatieJames KinkyKatieJames
That stinks, but you definitely aren't a "freak". A friend of mine had the same issue. She thought experience might help her, but it didn't. She said that just focusing on the way the toy makes her body feel is what can make solo play enjoyable to her. She stopped trying to fantasize and just did whatever felt right.

Hopefully, you can find something that works for you!
03/26/2013
Contributor: PropertyOfPotter PropertyOfPotter
Quote:
Originally posted by FlashFuchsia
This is one of those "am I a freak because this happens" threads.

When I do solo play, I always have a really hard time getting into it and fantasizing and that kind of thing. When I try, I just hit some sort of wall and I just ... more
Can you separate that thought from yourself? For example, while you're masturbating, imagine you're someone else getting pleasured by someone. You don't have to think about how it feels to have it happen to you, just imagine two people in a super sexy situation and think about what they're feeling. That might help.
03/26/2013
Contributor: Hummingbird Hummingbird
I use music in the background to center my thoughts on my fantasy during that play time. Differen songs mean different fantasies for me, hearing them on a predefined play list helps me to retrieve the fantasy I wish to experience. Also just having an erotic dream right before play time really gets me in the mood.
03/26/2013
Contributor: Fluke Fluke
Quote:
Originally posted by FlashFuchsia
This is one of those "am I a freak because this happens" threads.

When I do solo play, I always have a really hard time getting into it and fantasizing and that kind of thing. When I try, I just hit some sort of wall and I just ... more
Not a freak. Are you going through a stressful situation or depression or taking pills for either? Because that will do it.

For me as a guy it is hard to get into it solo without some sort of other stimulation like reading an erotic story online or porn.

If you masturbate only to relieve tension then try to take some more time and enjoy it more.
03/26/2013
Contributor: lilyflower lilyflower
It's ok, sometimes this happens to me also. It depends on my mood and stress levels. I had a few months where I really couldn't get into it all. It may be normal for you, or maybe it will pass after a while.
03/26/2013
Contributor: Ryuson Ryuson
(Review Program Mentor)
I totally agree that you may want to try erotica or some porn. There's plenty of both for free on the internet! Try to find a scenario that turns you on. Good luck!
03/26/2013
Contributor: Missy27 Missy27
I have a harder time solo as well and definitely cannot get into it if I use my fingers. It has to be some sort of toy. It takes a little longer to get into into the right mind set.
03/27/2013
Contributor: TJtheMadHatter TJtheMadHatter
About 90% of the time I am fantasizing about other people getting it on. I have trouble getting off thinking about me being with someone. You're not a freak at all. Sometimes thinking about others doesn't help and I have to think of something taboo. That usually helps me get my focus back.
03/27/2013
Contributor: TheirPet TheirPet
I'm that way a lot of that time. You're not a freak at all.
03/27/2013
Contributor: evie.amor evie.amor
Sometimes I can't get into it. I usually try to imagine scenarios that turn me on and the imagery is what turns me on not the imagined feeling if that makes sense. But sometimes I just can't get into it, there isn't a substitute for playing with a partner, part of what really gets me going is pleasuring my partner!
03/27/2013
Contributor: chicmichiw chicmichiw
That's not weird. My solo sessions vs 'the real thing' feel totally different. It can feel very mechanical. Erotica or porn helps, especially since I find some kind of impetus (usually visual) to be what I need to go over the edge. Even when I'm in the mood, just fantasy is the long road to orgasm!
03/27/2013
Contributor: Geogeo Geogeo
Quote:
Originally posted by FlashFuchsia
This is one of those "am I a freak because this happens" threads.

When I do solo play, I always have a really hard time getting into it and fantasizing and that kind of thing. When I try, I just hit some sort of wall and I just ... more
Porn keeps my attention, and is necessary
03/27/2013
Contributor: Real or memorex Real or memorex
Alleviating tension is a legitimate thing. Sometimes I just need a release and can't get pleasure going.

I like having people to fantasize about. Sometimes, though, it helps me to focus on the sensation I am feeling and do some feedback with my body - relax deliberately when things tense up too quickly, tune in to sensory feelings to let them get stronger. Sexuality doesn't have to involve any other person and can just be about you and your body.

Imperfect advice, I know. Another idea is sensation play with yourself - top yourself with pinwheels, impact, electrical play. Rounds things out nicely.
04/24/2013