I have a friend who wants to experiment with toys but her husband says "no way in hell". He understands they will be inserted into her and not him but he still says no way..not solo, not coupled, no they are not allowed. She tried speaking with him and so have I. Any advice for this couple?
Advice to help my friend?
01/05/2013
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I feel like she needs to sit down with him and ask him WHY he doesn't want it. It's her body! Maybe if she gets a tiny little bullet she can show him that they're not scary at all, and can add to the pleasure of sex?
01/05/2013
He is probably very insecure and doesn't seem to realize that sex is about pleasure- not about owning someone's body and being the only source of pleasure for it (unless that's what is agreed upon, which isn't the case here). I agree with Ryuson. She should ask him why he's not down with her using toys (even in a solo situation). And is he so adamantly opposed to change in other areas of his life?
01/05/2013
He's been asked several times and by her and myself...he says the same thing every time.. "Just cuz, drop it" is what he says. He has been asked if he would feel less of a man, inadequate and if he has had a bad experience. He doesn't give a clue as to why he doesn't approve...Just cuz.
01/05/2013
Quote:
Wtf? I know it's wrong to judge someone I don't know based on an anecdote from someone I also don't know.....but he is coming off as a total tool.
Originally posted by
Talena
He's been asked several times and by her and myself...he says the same thing every time.. "Just cuz, drop it" is what he says. He has been asked if he would feel less of a man, inadequate and if he has had a bad experience. He
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He's been asked several times and by her and myself...he says the same thing every time.. "Just cuz, drop it" is what he says. He has been asked if he would feel less of a man, inadequate and if he has had a bad experience. He doesn't give a clue as to why he doesn't approve...Just cuz.
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I literally cannot think of a single particle of advice to offer that wouldn't result in.....war, for lack of a better word.
Stubborn is a bitch to fix, if it can even be fixed...
01/05/2013
You know, if someone tells me "Just cuz, drop it" I would most certainly NOT drop it. I'm not a child, and I deserve some communication and respect!
Anyway, I think she has a few options.
She can just forget the whole toy thing and humor him.
She can keep trying to talk to him about it.
She can get some toys without his knowledge/consent and use them alone.
She can suggest they try some couples counseling if he doesn't want to talk about it to her.
She can leave.
I'm not sure any of those seem like very good options... but she'll have to make a choice that she's most comfortable with.
Anyway, I think she has a few options.
She can just forget the whole toy thing and humor him.
She can keep trying to talk to him about it.
She can get some toys without his knowledge/consent and use them alone.
She can suggest they try some couples counseling if he doesn't want to talk about it to her.
She can leave.
I'm not sure any of those seem like very good options... but she'll have to make a choice that she's most comfortable with.
01/05/2013
they need to talk it out. in the end, it is her body.
01/05/2013
I really have no advice my "ex husband" wasn't to keen on them but I brought them in and that was that. Several of my exes thought they would be replaced by an inadament object. I say to hell with it buy the toys and get busy!!
In all honesty even not knowing their home life or knowing these people he sounds like a control freak. If I want sexual pleasure I will get it from my partner or from a toy. My needs have to be met just the same as his, mine are usually higher then his. I don't see a big deal about toys, if he has a huge issue with it then he needs to tell HER why he is against them not you or anyone else.
In all honesty even not knowing their home life or knowing these people he sounds like a control freak. If I want sexual pleasure I will get it from my partner or from a toy. My needs have to be met just the same as his, mine are usually higher then his. I don't see a big deal about toys, if he has a huge issue with it then he needs to tell HER why he is against them not you or anyone else.
01/05/2013
Quote:
"My needs have to be met just the same as his"
Originally posted by
*Camoprincess*
I really have no advice my "ex husband" wasn't to keen on them but I brought them in and that was that. Several of my exes thought they would be replaced by an inadament object. I say to hell with it buy the toys and get busy!!
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I really have no advice my "ex husband" wasn't to keen on them but I brought them in and that was that. Several of my exes thought they would be replaced by an inadament object. I say to hell with it buy the toys and get busy!!
In all honesty even not knowing their home life or knowing these people he sounds like a control freak. If I want sexual pleasure I will get it from my partner or from a toy. My needs have to be met just the same as his, mine are usually higher then his. I don't see a big deal about toys, if he has a huge issue with it then he needs to tell HER why he is against them not you or anyone else. less
In all honesty even not knowing their home life or knowing these people he sounds like a control freak. If I want sexual pleasure I will get it from my partner or from a toy. My needs have to be met just the same as his, mine are usually higher then his. I don't see a big deal about toys, if he has a huge issue with it then he needs to tell HER why he is against them not you or anyone else. less
Righto! That seems to be a running trend (at least in my mind) for those who don't want their partners to use toys. They seem to devalue their partner's needs for sexual pleasure in the relationship. When it's a man, it seems like a very macho, misogynistic stance to me. At the very least it's incredibly selfish.
As my man says "Every woman needs a good toy collection." lol
01/06/2013
Quote:
Your man is very wise.
Originally posted by
indiglo
"My needs have to be met just the same as his"
Righto! That seems to be a running trend (at least in my mind) for those who don't want their partners to use toys. They seem to devalue their partner's needs for sexual ... more
Righto! That seems to be a running trend (at least in my mind) for those who don't want their partners to use toys. They seem to devalue their partner's needs for sexual ... more
"My needs have to be met just the same as his"
Righto! That seems to be a running trend (at least in my mind) for those who don't want their partners to use toys. They seem to devalue their partner's needs for sexual pleasure in the relationship. When it's a man, it seems like a very macho, misogynistic stance to me. At the very least it's incredibly selfish.
As my man says "Every woman needs a good toy collection." lol less
Righto! That seems to be a running trend (at least in my mind) for those who don't want their partners to use toys. They seem to devalue their partner's needs for sexual pleasure in the relationship. When it's a man, it seems like a very macho, misogynistic stance to me. At the very least it's incredibly selfish.
As my man says "Every woman needs a good toy collection." lol less
01/06/2013
Quote:
he needs someone to let him know that it doesnt make him a bad person.
Originally posted by
Talena
I have a friend who wants to experiment with toys but her husband says "no way in hell". He understands they will be inserted into her and not him but he still says no way..not solo, not coupled, no they are not allowed. She tried speaking
...
more
I have a friend who wants to experiment with toys but her husband says "no way in hell". He understands they will be inserted into her and not him but he still says no way..not solo, not coupled, no they are not allowed. She tried speaking with him and so have I. Any advice for this couple?
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01/06/2013
Total posts: 11
Unique posters: 7