In short, I don't. Sex IS kinky. There's different TYPES of kinky, but when you get right down to it, unless we're talking someone who has only missionary position penis-in-vagina sex under the covers with the lights off with no foreplay and only when the woman is ovulating for the purpose of procreation and never has any other type of sex or masturbation, everyone indulges in SOMETHING someone else would consider kinky. And those poor repressed individuals probably have a lot of deeply buried seriously kinky fantasies somewhere in their subconscious! I'm not even sure I'd say that some people are "kinkiER" than others, since the hierarchy of kinks will vary depending on who you're talking to. There's just different types. In my mind, there's sort of levels of hardcore-ness, things that are too scary or too extreme or too squicky for me and then working backwards to things that I'm completely comfortable with, a lot of which some people would put in the too scary, extreme or squicky categories. Some one else's levels are going to be dramatically different than mine and I'm sure as hell not going to try and claim that my levels of kinkiness are right and true. And there's simply too many ways to BE kinky, there's sex toy kinky, there's kama sutra crazy extreme positions kinky, there's daring and risky kinky, there's pain kinky, there's D/s kinky, there's bondage kinky, there's sex furniture and swings and equipment kinky, there's humiliation kinky, there's age play kinky, the list is infinite. There's no way to define where vanilla ends and kinky begins, but I think that just about every human being on the planet, unless they are suffering from severe repression, engages in acts and/or fantasies that could be considered kink. "Vanilla" is kind of a myth, in my opinion. Kink is like masturbation. If someone says they don't masturbate, chances are they're lying. If someone says they aren't kinky, chances are they're lying, repressed, or just don't realize that one position they really love that they think is totally "normal" would shock the pants off someone else.