The New Intimacy

Is abstinence still considered abstinence if you masturbate?

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Contributor: cherryredhead88 cherryredhead88
I am thinking of going abstinent from sex. But I want to continue using my toys; I just want to be completely abstinent from guys I guess lol. I have not had sex with anyone but my ex and one other person for 3 years, and frankly I don't feel comfortable with anyone else at this point in time. So I guess I am kind of abstinent already, right? My question is, is it still considered abstinent if you are using sex toys?

Please let me know what you think. Is this a personal preference thing do you think, or something else?
Answers (private voting - your screen name will NOT appear in the results):
Yes
153  (94%)
No
6  (4%)
Indifferent
2  (1%)
The notorious other.
2  (1%)
Total votes: 163
Poll is closed
01/14/2011
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Contributor: ZenaidaMacroura ZenaidaMacroura
I don't really consider using sex toys to be having sex, so yeah. I'd say if you're abstaining from sex with another person, you're abstinent. But that's just me.
01/14/2011
Contributor: LicentiouslyYours LicentiouslyYours
Abstinence is something people do for a variety of reasons. If you are doing it to take a break from the emotional entanglements of the relationships that go along with sex, good or bad, then using toys should be not only ok, but a great way to help maintain your resolve in the face of the desire to break your pledge!
01/14/2011
Contributor: ToyGeek ToyGeek
What Laurel said. It depends on the reasons behind the abstinence. If your goal is a basic penis embargo, then sex toys are definitely a fine part of the equation!
01/14/2011
Contributor: Jobthingy Jobthingy
Quote:
Originally posted by LicentiouslyYours
Abstinence is something people do for a variety of reasons. If you are doing it to take a break from the emotional entanglements of the relationships that go along with sex, good or bad, then using toys should be not only ok, but a great way to help ... more
yes. THIS
01/14/2011
Contributor: Kissaki Kissaki
One definition of abstinence is "any self-restraint, self-denial, or forbearance." It sounds like you are choosing to abstain from sexual intercourse with other people. Therefore self love with or without toys is absolutely acceptable.
01/14/2011
Contributor: cherryredhead88 cherryredhead88
Thanks everyone! I really dig the positive feedback. (warning..wall of sap coming )

You are all indeed correct. The only person I have sex with is my ex. We should NOT be sleeping together anymore, what with the toxicity of our relationship. I love sex with him but it is the very thin string that keeps me tempted to stay around....

I have a disguisting amount of toys now and much prefer using them, it has just taken me some time to get used to using only them. Almost like a transition.

It is also definitely, as you said in a beautiful way, Laurel, to break the emotional ties between us. I have allowed a great deal of pain into my life by letting him come around and be an ass. I would love to say he has caused it but he doesn't anymore, only I can let chaos in my life.

Anyways... sorry had to vent a little, I am super exhausted today and about to pass out here, but I want to be able to say I'm abstinent and feel good about it. I feel like it is a really good thing for me to do, like an addict staying clean. Because I can face it, he is my drug. 0_0


/sappy moment. Lol
01/14/2011
Contributor: Eliza Eliza
Quote:
Originally posted by cherryredhead88
Thanks everyone! I really dig the positive feedback. (warning..wall of sap coming )

You are all indeed correct. The only person I have sex with is my ex. We should NOT be sleeping together anymore, what with the toxicity of our relationship. I ... more
Thank you for sharing with us!

I'm glad everyone has been able to help. I also have to agree and say that I think it's definitely still considered abstaining even if you use your toys. I have a friend who was voluntarily celibate for quite a few years, and he still masturbated.
01/14/2011
Contributor: Yoda Yoda
I consider abstinence to be sex with another person. Celibacy, however, is different. It is the choice to avoid sex, period, for personal and spiritual reasons.
01/14/2011
Contributor: Illusional Illusional
Quote:
Originally posted by LicentiouslyYours
Abstinence is something people do for a variety of reasons. If you are doing it to take a break from the emotional entanglements of the relationships that go along with sex, good or bad, then using toys should be not only ok, but a great way to help ... more
I agree with this as well.

Well said!
01/15/2011
Contributor: Kayla Kayla
Quote:
Originally posted by LicentiouslyYours
Abstinence is something people do for a variety of reasons. If you are doing it to take a break from the emotional entanglements of the relationships that go along with sex, good or bad, then using toys should be not only ok, but a great way to help ... more
Laurel wins again. I've never heard of someone being consider non-abstaining just from using sex toys. If a doctor asks if you're having sex, you might want to mention using penetrative toys, but aside from that, I'd definitely say you're still abstaining.
01/15/2011
Contributor: Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
(EF Review Program Mentor)
Quote:
Originally posted by cherryredhead88
I am thinking of going abstinent from sex. But I want to continue using my toys; I just want to be completely abstinent from guys I guess lol. I have not had sex with anyone but my ex and one other person for 3 years, and frankly I don't feel ... more
Using a toy and self pleasuring isn't the same as sharing an intimate sexual experience with someone else. SO you can be totally abstinent from sex with others while happily diddling yourself blind! Go for broke, kiddo!
01/15/2011
Contributor: Shellz31 Shellz31
I believe so. I don't consider using toys solo anything like sex.
01/15/2011
Contributor: ~LaUr3n~ ~LaUr3n~
"going abstinent from sex" Based on what you said...yes it still is. Toys are not sex obviously.

It's all up to you dear. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. You make your own rules. If you are abstaining from sex and will still be using toys...then that is your choice and what you will be doing. It is up to personal interpretation. You set the bounds for yourself.
01/15/2011
Contributor: dv8 dv8
Quote:
Originally posted by ToyGeek
What Laurel said. It depends on the reasons behind the abstinence. If your goal is a basic penis embargo, then sex toys are definitely a fine part of the equation!
If, however, someone is abstinent for some spiritual or intellectual quest to transcend bodily desires, then sex toys would definitely count.
01/15/2011
Contributor: Gallowraven Gallowraven
while some may consider the use of toys "self-sex", I think the use of toys can be merely a form of release, without worry of any consequences, aside from needing to get new batteries from time to time. so in my opinion, the use of toys, the way you described the situation, would still count as abstinence.
01/15/2011
Contributor: Jul!a Jul!a
I'm helping my friend start her own toy collection for this very same reason. You can absolutely abstain from having physical sex without having to abstain from toys.
01/16/2011
Contributor: C4ss C4ss
Yes. Abstinence equals not having sex with another person. Using toys is allowed and might even help.
01/16/2011
Contributor: cherryredhead88 cherryredhead88
I feel like it really does help; in fact that is the whole reason I found Eden. I needed something to keep me away from him in the first place, and all the toy stores around here are expensive and have crappy toys.

Of course, now my old flame came back around the last couple days, we are really hitting it off, but luckily I won't have to worry about that yet

I was abstinent in the first place, since I didn't want to sleep with anyone, but I gave myself until April! We will see how it goes
01/16/2011
Contributor: Darling Jen Darling Jen
Quote:
Originally posted by cherryredhead88
Thanks everyone! I really dig the positive feedback. (warning..wall of sap coming )

You are all indeed correct. The only person I have sex with is my ex. We should NOT be sleeping together anymore, what with the toxicity of our relationship. I ... more
Awwwwww! *huge glomp to you!* Join the Eden Single Ladies club with Chili and I. We all need to remind ourselves that we majorly rock and someone who can stand our brightness will come along to appreciate it later.
01/16/2011
Contributor: Chevylady37 Chevylady37
are you still a virgin after you masterbate?
01/17/2011
Contributor: Naughty Student Naughty Student
Quote:
Originally posted by Airen Wolf
Using a toy and self pleasuring isn't the same as sharing an intimate sexual experience with someone else. SO you can be totally abstinent from sex with others while happily diddling yourself blind! Go for broke, kiddo!
I totally agree.

Self pleasure with sex toys or none is fine and falls under what I call abstinence.
01/17/2011
Contributor: ScottA ScottA
Even though masturbation is often termed "sex with yourself" it really doesn't count as far as breaking abstinence or removing virginity.
01/17/2011
Contributor: sbon sbon
I think it means whatever you personally want it to mean.
01/18/2011
Contributor: Redboxbaby Redboxbaby
My husband and I have a pact to remain abstinent from masturbation/voluntary orgasm while he is away this month. It seems like one big tease. Sort of exciting and makes me feel like a teenager again. I am certain when he returns we will nearly kill each other!

Anyway, IMO abstinence is whatever you deem it to be personally; like the person above me stated.
01/18/2011
Contributor: markeagleone markeagleone
Quote:
Originally posted by cherryredhead88
I am thinking of going abstinent from sex. But I want to continue using my toys; I just want to be completely abstinent from guys I guess lol. I have not had sex with anyone but my ex and one other person for 3 years, and frankly I don't feel ... more
it is abstinence
01/19/2011
Contributor: markeagleone markeagleone
Quote:
Originally posted by Chevylady37
are you still a virgin after you masterbate?
yes
01/19/2011
Contributor: markeagleone markeagleone
Quote:
Originally posted by C4ss
Yes. Abstinence equals not having sex with another person. Using toys is allowed and might even help.
i agree
01/19/2011
Contributor: mrs.mckrakn mrs.mckrakn
yes
01/25/2011
Contributor: dbtracy dbtracy
I would have to say yes.
01/25/2011