Drilling the Trenches

A fun and simple quirk of rotation has been added to the classic Doc Johnson dong to create the Squirmy Rooter. If you like that staple dong of any sex toy collection, this is another one to try for a different sensation. Adding a metal rod down the toy makes the dong less flexible, so I wish it was actually done with the Mr. Softee. Alas, the rotation can be used to loosen you up or to really get at the g-spot. It's fun to use, but is best used when you have someone operating it for you. As with most Doc Johnson toys, this one is pretty smelly and doesn't have the "luxury" of being scented with the fruity smell they added after their initial lines of toys. The girth is also pretty thick and the material isn't very forgiving, so I wouldn't recommend this to someone who likes slim-average girthed toys. The squirming feature will make it feel even thicker.

NOTE: This toy is not suitable for anal due ot the lack oof flared base and unsafe metal probe at the end.

Squirmy Rooter is made of PVC Sil-A-Gel (the product page says rubber, but I believe this is outdated). I think this product is older than the newest lines of their classic toys. (One indication is that the package doesn't include the Twitter and Facebook links like the newer ones do.) The back says that Sil-A-Gel is an odorless, latex free, and antibacterial material. This is curious because it smells horrible - far from odorless. The material is porous, so a condom should be used when sharing. It's a good idea to use a condom anyways because the smell gets on everything otherwise.

The material is very dense, much denser than the Mr. Softee I mentioned earlier. It has the same firmness throughout. It doesn't bend much at all because of the metal rod going through the entire toy. It also has very little give. The toy is very firm, about as firm as a dense silicone toy. The surface has a lot of drag an will require lubricant also due to its larger size. It also picks up a lot of lint. It's a good idea to wash it before and after ever use, even the very first.

This dong comes in two colors: beige and black. I got the beige. It's a fairly realistic skin tone, but is all one color and has no realistic shading etc. For the texture, there are very exaggerated veins on the top and side. The underside is smooth.

The Squirmy rooter is 7 5/8" long from the tip of the head to the flatness of the base but then has an additional 1 1/2" because of the twister rod at the end. If you can take it, you can insert the entire dildo portion of the toy, but it's best to only insert about 6 1/2" because you need to hold the base of the toy and turn the handle at the same time, otherwise it doesn't work. This toy is not safe for deep anal usage because it has no base or balls for that matter.

The shape ad thickness of the Squirmy Rooter is pretty uniform. The head is typical of the classic dong shape from Doc Johnson and is longer on top than it is on the bottom. The thickest part of the head is about 5 1/4" in circumference, 1 3/4" in diameter. It blends into the shaft well and shouldn't catch a pubic bone. The rest of the dildo is about 5" in circumference, 5 1/8" where the veins are. Because of the length, thickness, and added metal, this toy is pretty heavy. It's close to a pound.

This dong is not discreet in any way. It's also large, so it might be hard to hide for some. it's also not good for travel since it can easily melt with high temperatures.

As a dong by itself, it is a very filling dildo. It is fairly realistic and goes in easy. I do feel a slight burning as I first insert the toy, but that is due to me being pretty small and the stretch that is required for me to use the toy takes a bit of time if I don't warm up. I do require a lot of lubricant to use this toy. I imagine most women will too. Silicone lubricant works amazingly.

This toy does make me feel a bit stretched because it doesn't bend much. Stretching is never an arousing feeling for me. That is why I prefer to not insert this toy as far as I can take it. It's a bit too thick, straight, and hard for that. For those that like toys of this caliber, will be pleased to know that it is incredibly easy to thrust. So, jam away! Just try to keep a towel handy. If the toy gets too lubed up it can be hard to handle.

So how about that squirming feature? The metal bent bar that juts out form the bottom of the toy is covered in a plastic sleeve to make it more comfortable to turn. When you turn the handle the top third of the toy with lean about 30 degrees and twirl that way 360 degrees. Can you imagine how amazing that feels when you align it right under your g-spot. Oh. My. God. I get goosebumps just writing about it. The veins alone feel great but feeling the firm and round head glide across my g-spot in tantalizing swirls drives me over the edge. This is one toy that doesn't vibrate that can easily produce a g-spot orgasm. It is hard to turn by yourself, because it is awkward, especially if you don't like inserting it the whole way the angle that your wrist has to be in sort of cramps up the hand over time. It's a lot easier to wiggle the handle instead of turning it all the way around by yourself. If a partner does it, it's easy for them, or at least it was for my partner.


Here it is normal


Here it is cranked to the side. It's not much movement, but it makes a huge difference.

You should was this toy before and after every use because of the lint it collects. You can use warm water and a fragranced soap (it'll help hide the smell since it retains smells). A toy spray or wipe works too, but you might need a washcloth to get into the vein texture. A water or silicone lubricant can be used (also says so on the package). This toy can be soaked in some warm water to make it feel more lifelike too! It's also good to use a condom at least until you wash a lot of the stink out of it. XL condoms are best. Store in the package or a plastic bag. Don't let the toy touch other porous materials. They will melt together. Also store in a cool place. This toy can melt.

The packaging is the same as most DJ products. It comes in a plastic clam shell case that is quite large and takes up more space than it needs to. It works well for storage, though. However, it is clearly not discreet. it does have some information about the toy in a few different languages and provides company information.