Realistic squirmy cock royal - realistic vibrator by Doc Johnson - review by AMS3188

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His Royal Huge-ness

This is a very big toy that's fun as a novelty, but it didn't blow me away. The squirming action was weak, and the suction cup didn't hold. It was fun to play with, but I don't think it will make it to my regular rotation of toys.
Well Crafted
Weak Rotations
Rating by reviewer:
extremely useful review
Realistic, yes! Squirmy, not so much. There's no question that this is a gorgeous cock. The manufacturer says it was cast from life, and it is very realistic with complex veining and skin texture. It arrives in a sturdy cardboard box and includes the a velvet-like storage bag, the hefty remote, and of course the phallus itself. My first thought upon receiving this item was "what's that smell?" The rubbery, plastic stench could be whiffed not just through the packaging, but through the actual cardboard shipping box. I was surprised that it was that strong. Unfortunately, the taste was also quite powerful, beginning as rather fruity and ending in a tangy, chemical aftertaste. If you are looking for a dildo to blow, this one is not it. Clearly, the cock itself is made of rubber, which is porous and not so easy to clean. I am glad it has its own bag, since lint was already beginning to stick to it just sitting on my bed.

As for the design, I would go as far as to call it pretty. The coloring is nice, and the veins are just the right tinge of blue. The item is weighty and has a nice, hefty feeling. I also enjoyed the balls that are attached. It is very life like, except perhaps in size, since I have never seen a real man with a package this large. In both length and girth, this shaft is up there with the big boys. I would suggest getting warmed up first, and of course using lots of lube with this fellow. I wasn't sure, but I thought that its size actually may have inhibited its rotating feature when inside of me because the fit was so tight. There was really no room for squirming. Still, when I tested out the squirming mode un-inserted, it only gave a slight wiggle.

I must admit, I was disappointed with the whole squirming thing. I couldn't really feel it moving at all inside me, and the motor was pretty loud, definitely louder than a cell phone vibrating. As I mentioned, the remote is rather old-fashioned and bulky, as it contains 3 C batteries. Yikes. Another big disappointment was the suction cup. The one I received was flimsy, black plastic, but the box pictured a much nicer one in white plastic. There was no way this suction cup could hold onto anything, not even the floor, which was too bad because I wanted to ride it.

Overall, as a life-like dildo for size queens, this is a nice product for the price point. As a squirming or hands-free toy, it was a bust.
Follow-up commentary
This cock continues to be too large for me, even though I like that stuffed feeling. The squirmy motions never really did much inside since there was no room for the rotation. Also, the plastic smell and texture did not fade.
This product was provided free of charge to the reviewer. This review is in compliance with the FTC guidelines.
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My Realistic squirmy cock royal tags
  • Who / How / What
    [ ? ]
    Who might this product be best for? How is it best used? What are the best circumstances or situations for using this product?
    • Anyone
  • Where
    [ ? ]
    Where / what types of places can this product be used?
    • Anywhere
    • Play party
  • Body / part areas
    [ ? ]
    What areas on the body can this product be used / what areas does it stimulate best?
    • Anal
    • Genitals
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  • Stinkytofu10
    Thank you for the review.
  • spiced
    I guess they just discontinued it? I'm not a big fan of rubber toys, but I do like the size and realism. The UR3 Latinas Noches is a very similar size. Thanks for the great review.
  • wetone123
    Too bad this doesn't rate highly as a squirming toy; I like squirmy toys. Sorry for your disappointment and apparently the disappointment of Eden since it's been discontined. Better off not selling a toy that sucks or doesn't in the case of the suction cup! Thanks for your candor
  • ImaGodiva
    Hmm. I think I prefer my vibrators to be less realistic-looking, less smelly, and less squirmy. But maybe it works for someone! Thanks for the info.
  • Chastity Darling
    Thanks for the review
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