Neptune's penis - sex toy by Cal Exotics - review by Rod Martini

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Up for a LITTLE fun?

Since it falls into my beloved "under $20 category," I have to pay the Neptune's Penis its dues. The strong vibration and smooth durable waterproof housing is perfect for any curious person in need of a cheap date. If only the knob was a little better...
Cheap and strong.
You're getting what you pay for.
Rating by reviewer:
useful review


I would highly recommend this tool to any snug novice not ready to commit to an expensive oversized vibrator. The Neptune is also a great way for anyone to get warmed up for the real thing. The motor is located at the tip of the slim shaft, which helps this powerful little guy get into those hard to reach places.
  • Who / How / What
    [ ? ]
    Who might this product be best for? How is it best used? What are the best circumstances or situations for using this product?
    • Couples
    • Everyone
    • Gag gift
  • Where
    [ ? ]
    Where / what types of places can this product be used?
    • Anywhere
    • Campus/roommate living
    • Tub/shower/pool
  • Features
    [ ? ]
    What kind of features does this product offer?
    • Travel friendly
  • Body / part areas
    [ ? ]
    What areas on the body can this product be used / what areas does it stimulate best?
    • All over body
    • Anal
    • Clitoris

Material / Texture

I was surprised when I opened the package to find a very very hard piece of plastic. For being made of jelly (PVC) this machine is not at all jelly-like. But don't get me wrong! Even though it is hard and veined, the overall texture is smooth, so it is still quite comfortable.
    • Light odor
    • Rigid
    • Smooth

Design / Shape / Size

Because of its less than grand stature, the vibrator leaves very little room for a grip. The slippery cap to the battery compartment often becomes the handle and therefore you run the risk of losing power in the middle of a session.
    • Beginner

Functions / Performance / Controls

Unfortunately for the manufacturer and me, the dial controller for the vibrator broke almost immediately after our first use. The dial no longer goes through its gradient of variable intensity, it just skips straight to full on (and its strong!). I hate to condemn the sale of this product over just one faulty controller but if I'm writing an honest review, this is the way it has to be.
    • Easy to use
    • Powerful

Care and Maintenance

Even though the hardness of this product is much like other nonporous materials, it is made of PVC. IT CAN NOT BE STERILIZED. So please, for the safety of you and your partner, if you are sharing this toy or going anywhere near your back door, put a jacket on it! Although this product is waterproof, be careful of getting water into the controller; the mechanical parts are metal and they will rust.
    • Easy to store
    • Hard to clean


Even though the dial broke, my partner and I still have a lot of fun playing with this little Hercules. She enjoys using it to dilate herself so that initial insertion is more comfortable. We also like to do DP with it because of its modest girth and safe insertable length. I highly recommend this vibrator to any one looking for a cheap new toy!
This product was provided free of charge to the reviewer. This review is in compliance with the FTC guidelines.
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  • Gardenvy
    Good review Randy Midnight!
    I noticed that you said that this toy can't be sterilized but you may want to add how it can be washed. That's a very important part of the review and I would have marked it somewhat useful except for the fact that you noted that this toy can not be sterilized.
    Thanks for the review.
  • Tori Rebel
    Nice review! One question - since it's made of PVC, does it have any smell to it like a lot of jelly toys do?
  • Sammi
    Thanks for the review!
  • Rod Martini
    Sorry for the miscommunication. Yes, you can wash the toy! (Just like you can wash your hands, this does not guarantee that desease or infection will not be spread.) Just be careful. For Tori, It had a new car smell when we got it but because it is a very hard polymer, the odor was gone in just a few rinses. Thanks for your comments everyone, they are very helpful!!
  • Eden C.
    Great review! Thanks!
  • lamira
    Good review, thanks!!
  • Fuck it.
    Hm. I think there's better cheap vibrators. Sucks that this one broke so easily.
  • faust
    Nice review!
  • LM
    Nice review!
  • Tbanda
    Appreciate great review!
  • mudpie
    Thanks for the review!
  • neon
    good review!
  • Allstars316
    Thanks for the review!
  • Falsepast
    "you're getting what you pay for" considering the price...i don't like the sound of that.
  • Tbanda
    Thank you so much for reviewing!
  • musicownsmysoul
    Great review
  • Rory
    Nice review! Thanks!!
  • Dawnwill
    Thank you
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