I'm sorry, but if I am going to spend $247.99 on a toy... or even $173.59 on sale... I expect opening the packaging to not only be as much of an event as the Visa bill will be, but also to give me something sturdy to store the thing in when it's not in use. Instead, the jeweled G-spot dildo arrives in the kind of blister pack that you're more accustomed to finding at the Dollar Store, and I [italic}know] this isn't the manufacturer's fault, but it was scuffed and dirty and just looked... cheap. Which, as I have already said, it isn't.

True, the dildo itself does come with its own pink bag that will protect it from the usual wear and tear, but I'm afraid that the shoddiness of the packaging is not the end of the aesthetic drawbacks. The jewels themselves look barely set; more as though someone went crazy with a bedazzler than took the time to actually give the toy some style.

Its functionality is probably all that it's cracked up to be, but both the look and the feel of those jewels make me nervous about actually using the thing for its stated purpose, and I'd be curious to know (because I can't find it stated anywhere) what was used to hold them in place. The chrome alloy employed for the shaft itself is fine. But what is the point of food grade material (because we all need that insurance with great chunks of metal) and phthalates free pledges, when the glue could be anything. Is it even waterproof?

I wish I could say more about the dildo, because the reviews I read made it feel like a must-have, and the size, shape and weight all lived up to expectations. But the disappointment that began when I opened the box did not dissipate when I took out the toy. It's sitting on the coffee table right now, an intriguing objet d'art that might, at some point, graduate to becoming a very expensive paperweight.

It is very shiny, though.