I took a really long time to write this review--I'm sure someone up there monitoring the overdue review list was sticking pins into my Tardy Reviewer voodoo doll all last week--because I found this a really difficult product to review. Prior to this toy, I'd sampled products in just about every material out there: Jelly, Rubber, TPR, TPE, Plastic, Silicone, Glass, Metal, Stone... You name it, I've tried it. Wood was my Last Frontier. I put in a request, and shortly thereafter, my handcrafted wooden dildo (#261) arrived at my doorstep in a handmade purple velvet pouch. Sassy.

When this toy arrived, I thought I was totally gonna rock it out; put on some soft music, light a few candles... But it didn't happen. Every time I tried to use the dildo, it was like my vagina asked, "Oh, God, what if I get a splinter?" and promptly closed for business.

Well, I didn't have an answer to rebuff the possibility of a splinter, so I decided I'd run a few tests, Mythbusters style. I first did some cursory inspection: I ran my fingers over every single inch of the 7 1/2" dildo to see if there was anything suspicious. Nothing. I tried putting a condom over it and rubbing the condom around the toy to see if any unseen splinters would break the seal: no leaks. I read all about the manufacturer, where he gets the wood (some salvaged, some scraps, some donated) and his finish (which he calls the "Salad Bowl Finish." Not a very sexy name, I'll admit, but the nontoxic, safe for food government rating made me feel a little bit better).

Still, I asked for this toy, so my vagina and I were going to have to woman up and give it a shot.

So I gave it a shot.

The 261 is double-sided, one side with ribbing/bumps on it, the other smooth for two different texture experiences. The ribbed side lends itself better for thrusting, whereas the smooth side is angled a bit more steeply and works better for g-spotting. The smooth end is slightly larger, measuring in with a 4" circumference, but for regular use the difference is hardly noticeable. Even though it has a fairly pronounced curve, I can't in good conscience recommend it for anal use since it doesn't have a flared base. If you do choose to go that route, I'd recommend using the bumpy end, because that way you'll have the steeper angle to use as a handle.

The aesthetics of the toy really can't be bested; you can see every single striation in the grain of the wood through the clear lacquer, which truly makes it a gorgeous toy. Wood is also incredibly light--the similarly shaped G-Ki weighs well over a pound--this barely scale the charts at 3.2 ounces; it's perfect for people that have difficulty with heavier toys but want the firm pressure that unyielding materials can provide.

I'm not certain if it's a property of the finish or just the nature of all lacquered toys, but I found it to be a total lube hog; I needed to apply far more than I would with metal, but not as much as with plastics. The smooth feel of the toy was also somewhere between silicone and glass--it's glossy and totally untextured, but your hand doesn't glide effortlessly across it. Additionally, there's really no texture at all associated with this toy because of the multiple layers of the wood finish--and I almost wish I could feel a little bit of texture along with this toy.

I found that, as a g-spotter it worked well; the steep curve allowed easy access, but I enjoyed the textured end far more for the interesting ripples it features--they can definitely be felt in use, so if you don't care for textured toys, I'd recommend one of the straight dildos (such as 278). I did find that it was a bit difficult to thrust with because lube seemed to disappear so quickly, but frequent reapplication will make this a much more pleasant ride.

Wood should be cleaned with a mild soap and water, dried with a cloth and stored--and the manufacturer specifically recommends against dishwashing and boiling, so listen up and preserve your toy. I'd also recommend storing this in a safe place, protected by the pouch it comes in, because wood can dent or be scratched easily, and then you'd REALLY be paranoid about splinters.