Gyrating penis - traditional vibrator by Cal Exotics - review by Saturday Stevens

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Celebrating The "Gyrating"

This has been a Godsend in helping me escape the dreadful monotony of my everyday life but the reason for that is how it makes me feel rather than the actual product itself. It's very possible that I could fall in love with any other vibrator that I bought instead of this one.

If the rating system was based only on whether or not this toy can make me cum then I'd give it a full 5 stars. Unfortunately, it has to reflect my overall impression of the item so I'm giving it 3 stars.
Compatible with all lubes, makes me cum at a record pace.
Battery-killer, crappy material.
Rating by reviewer:
extremely useful review


I've owned a Gyrating Penis for about a year and a half but it wasn't until the past 3 or 4 months that it became the (inanimate) love of my life. What I adore about it most is how it makes everything else feel better and more intense; how it sends me completely over the edge. If I use this on my clit in addition to a regular dildo inside my vag, it takes what would be a normal orgasm and turns it into an absolutely unbelievable one.
    • Busy women
    • Sexually inexperienced/beginners
    • Fast session/quickie
    • Long / extended session
    • Relaxation/alone time
    • Teasing a partner

Material / Texture

I really don't like the Crystalessence™ material. It's honestly like a magnet for hair, lint, dust, etc. Not only does it attract that stuff, it sticks on there like nobody's business. Also, a few spots on the shaft and the base started to peel, or as another review said "flake", after a while. That's pretty scary and probably why the material safety rating to 2 out of 10.

I love the incredibly detailed texture and how it looks. The realistic veininess, the mushroom head with the retracted foreskin surrounding it. A lot of vibes have dopey little faces on them & I'm glad this one doesn't. If it wasn't purple, I'd say that it almost identical to the real thing. I don't know about you, but I think that's sexy.

Design / Shape / Size

The simple design and shape are actually what convinced me to buy it. At 18-years-old, I was overwhelmed by contraptions like the jackrabbit and all it's multi-functioning friends. When I saw this, I knew I'd struck uncomplicated gold. It looks like a purple penis and does one thing. How could I be overwhelmed by that?

The size is pretty standard for a Traditional Vibrator. Not too big, not too small. Good for amateurs and pros alike. Internally, it's long enough to go all the way inside me. Externally, the head nestles nicely against my hood, right on top of my clit.

With the deliciously phallic appearance, it's not very discreet at all. It's pretty much impossible to look at it and not know what it's for.

It's easier to hide or travel with this than one of those foot long massagers but not as portable as a vibrating egg or a fake tube of lipstick.

Functions / Performance / Controls

With multiple speeds, it can be wonderfully weak if you want to tease yourself or potent & powerful if you want to get off as soon as possible. The vibrations are indeed quite strong but probably not as much as something like Hitachi's Magic Wand.

As you can probably tell by looking at the photos, this has a generous sized bullet at the top, meaning most of the vibrations are concentrated here and aren't well distributed to the rest of it. Because of that concentration, this is AMAZING for clitoral stimulation. (AMAZING!!!) Also because of that concentration, it loses some of its "vroom" when used internally for penetration or g-spot stimulation. Yes, it feels very nice in those places but not amazing. If the bullet was more in the center it would probably be in a very committed relationship with my g-spot instead of my clit.

The dial-base is very convenient and easy to use. Only one time did I accidentally turn it off while still using it, but that was only because I was being a little too rough.

The motor is pretty quiet. Normally when I'm using it you'd swear it's absolutely silent because I moan and whimper so loud. Plus, I usually put a blanket or two over me and that drowns it out as well.

See "Personal Comments" for my opinion of how waterproof it is.

Something happened to my dial and now there's only one speed, the highest one. It's either on all the way or completely off. That was pretty devastating and most likely the reason why it goes through a pack of batteries faster than OctoMom goes through a pack of diapers. I hate it when the batteries start to die because the vibrations become much much weaker & buying a Duracell 24-pack looks extremely suspicious to both my mother and whoever is working the registers at WalGreens.

Care and Maintenance

I suggest giving it a quick rinse prior to or following any usage and rolling a toy cover (Toy covers by Cal Exotics) on it before you put it away.

Allegedly it works with water-based, oil-based and silicone-based lubes. (I've only used water-based with it)


I don't really remember the packaging. It was like a Christmas morning, when you rip it open because you just can't wait to play with it.

Personal comments

Just To Clarify:

It does not gyrate. It only vibrates. (Oh, how it vibrates!)

The vibrations are controlled by a turn dial at the bottom.

Although I have used it there, it's not 100% safe for anal. (I only put it in half-way. Don't worry.)

Crystalessence has a "highly non-porous formulation."

Always use condoms when sharing any of your toys. If using this for penetration or on your g-spot, it's probably a good idea to put a condom on it even if you're being selfish.

I might have used this maybe one time in the shower, away from the spray. I don't recall it being all that effective, but maybe because I was standing up. Regardless, it's highly unlikely that this is actually waterproof and I would strongly advise against taking a bath with it.

There are no speed setting, just variations of low, medium and high. Adjustments are made via turn dial.

Clean up is just a second under the faucet or rub-down with a wipe.

It's exactly as purple in person as it looks online.


After much experimentation, I've found that the most orgasmic ways for me to use this are: a) directly on my clit or b) on and around my nipples immediately after I un-clamp them.
Follow-up commentary
The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away. On the same day that I became an Advanced Reviewer, my penis stopped working. If there is a Heaven for vibrators, this one definitely deserves to be there. We had some really great times together. It will certainly be missed, at least until I get a new vibe that does the same things to my clit that this one could.
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Do you like this review?
  • Kynky Kytty
    Your pack of Duracell-24 make me laugh. I can relate, I felt bad enough going at the counter with a pack of AA-8 and AAA-8. Winking Good review!
  • Sammi
    This looks nice - I love the color Smile
    Good review!
  • ......
    Welcome! Nice review, thanks!
  • Viktor Vysheslav Malkin
    Very good review! Big smile
  • J's Alley
    HA! I was jumping for joy when Kroger sent me two coupons for FREE batteries!!! Isn't that just awful Winking
  • Heartthrob
    What are the measurements of this toy? Welcome!
  • Saturday Stevens
    Free batteries!?! I hate you! Winking

    Thanks for the welcoming, everyone.

    Length: 6 1/2" Insertable length: 5 1/2" Circumference: 5" Diameter: 1 3/4"
  • Persephone's Addiction
    A 24 pack?! lol
    You know - that's why I only use rechargeables!
  • Saturday Stevens
    The most I ever bought at once was a 12-pack. But I've seen that they come in 24 & that sounds way funnier.
  • AlaskanBeauty
    Good review!
  • mudpie
    Thanks, this was a great and fun review!
  • Eucaly
    Thank you!
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