I was really excited by the idea of this toy—what could be better than something that could even approximate oral sex? But this toy ended up being a major disappointment for me. While it's true the tongue never tires, my hand certainly does! You have to end up holding the base unit out far enough from your body so that only the tip of the tongue flicks your clitoris. When you combine that with needing to hold it absolutely still (or the tongue will stay still against your body while the base unit flaps) it becomes pretty tiring indeed!

Seriously? I might as well just use my fingers!

The tongue's Trueskin material is meant to look realistic and if you heat it up and add enough lube it almost feels realistic, too. Its nubby texture feels real to the fingertips but isn't noticeable when in use, as only the tip of the toy is all that delightful—and it's smooth. It is a soft, pleasurable material and one aspect of the toy that really lives up to the premise.

This toy is one of the least discreet toys around, except maybe for the realistic dildos. No one who sees it would be in any doubt as to what it is! It is small enough to hide, although its bulky base unit means that it doesn't fit in slimmer vibrator cases and bags. It's a pretty funny-looking toy, so pretty easy to pass off as a gag gift!

The detachable bullet is very convenient, though after a few uses enough of the battery goes such that adding the bullet really slows down the movement of the tongue. The bullet is of a great size for beginners, slim enough to insert but powerful enough for clitoral stimulation if the tongue just isn't doing the job.

The Mini Tongue has three settings that affect both bullet vibrations and speed of the tongue. The tongue itself doesn't vibrate but rather waggles back and forth. Ideally, independent settings would have been preferable. When using the bullet internally and the tongue for clitoral stimulation, some women might prefer a gentler flicker of the tongue but more intense vibrations, or vice versa. I found the tongue to be difficult to get right and too uncomfortable to hold for very long—it took a long, frustrating session to get with the tongue itself where I could get with any traditional vibe or bullet in just minutes.

The tongue and bullet are both easily cleaned. The Trueskin material is fairly susceptible to bacterial accretions so I always clean it before and after use with mild antibacterial soap and warm water. Just be careful not to get the base unit wet, as it isn't waterproof.

Due to its unusual shape I find I can't keep it in my toy bag with my others, so I keep it in a ziploc bag. If left open to the air it'll attract all kinds of fluff and dirt, which is harder to clean off the longer you leave it to collect dust. And if you're anything like me, it'll be sitting untouched under your bed for long periods between uses!

While the Mini Tongue was novel and fun to try, in the end it just wasn't worth it for me. Due to the way you have to hold it really still, my hand would get really tired before the flapping tongue got me anywhere. The tongue only offers varying speeds, not varying patterns or pressures, depriving the user of any real illusion of oral sex.

The sound of the Tongue is strange and off-putting to me, sounding a bit like a robot trying to get up a hill. It certainly shatters any illusion that there's someone down there at work on me, which leaves me with the distinct reality that I'm sitting there with a robotic tongue. It just doesn't work, fantasy-wise!

To be honest, the Tongue only comes out if a tried and true regular breaks and I need something to tide me over until I can find a replacement. And even then, I tend to shove the tongue part under a pillow to muffle the sad little-robot-who-could noises and use the bullet to get me where I need to go.