Pussy pleaser - clitoral pump by Cal Exotics - review by CynicallyYours

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The Stuff of Nightmares.

For your money, there are much better and cheaper basic bullets. The "Pleaser" sleeve is basically useless and made of the least user-friendly material.
The bullet itself is good, the bad part can be removed.
The "pleaser" is anything but pleasing, jelly, strong bad smell.
Rating by reviewer:
extremely useful review
Granted there are several pleaser/suction cup type toys with this sort of shape, but I under estimated how, well, creepy this would look in person.

This toy calls to mind the image of a cross between a leech type insect and some sort of alien. Actually, I think of the Sarlacc Pit and Cthulhu. So if you are comfortable with ancient evil from the deep nestled against your clit, then this might be right up your alley.

Aside from its looks, the Pleaser clitoral pump by California Exotics has several more downsides. The first and most prominent thing I noticed after the general shape was the smell. The suctions cup piece has that classic, nasty jelly smell and it’s strong. Not only is it strong, but after more than a week it has categorically refused to wash off or air out.

The next downside would be the material. Jelly unfortunately cannot be sterilized and this shape is not conducive to covering with a condom as it kinda defeats the purpose of the shape. (Though in my opinion the toy defeats its own purpose in the end, but more on that later.) Jelly should be cleaned with warm water and toy cleaner. Make sure to avoid strong soaps. It also needs to be kept in a cool, dark place (this does not help that whole monster image!). Jelly does have an interesting and soft feel but this feels more rubbery. It picks up lint like black pants near a white cat.

The jelly pleaser is actually a sleeve that fits over a bullet. The “suction” cup is meant to seal against your clit and tease and excited with the nubs (or as I like to call them, tentacles). Unfortunately there is no suction at all. No matter what I did, with or without lube, in every position, there is simply no way to convince this toy to do what it ought to do. What’s more, the nubs (scary, scary tentacles) do nothing but dampen the vibration from the bullet.

I do like that the sleeve can be removed from the bullet. However, this cannot be done without a good amount of work (and cursing). Likewise, putting it back on is even harder as you have to keep pulling it away to let air out so the bullet can slide into the small space, except it doesn’t slide, at all. (This process also involves cursing; trust me, it totally helps!)

This is more of a personal thing because not everyone has an issue with jelly, but I felt an uncomfortable sensation after a while. I don’t always have problems with jelly but sometimes I notice an almost burning sensation from having jelly material against my skin for too long. I have fairly sensitive skin, though, so if you don’t tend to react you probably won’t have a problem with that.

Now for the good. If you take off the mighty Sarlacc you have a decent, if basic, bullet toy. The bullet is nice and strong and no louder than your common bullet toy. Probably not great if you’re trying to be secretive, but otherwise it's not too terribly loud and easily dampened a bit with a blanket or a closed door. It’s a classic configuration with a silver egg-shaped bullet, cord, and remote. The bullet is operated with a simple dial on the remote and cycles from low to pleasantly high-speed vibration. The cord is long enough without being too long and getting in the way.

The bullet runs on 2 AA batteries and so far it seems to have a decent battery lifespan.

The one other bit of good is, I suppose, the packaging. It’s hardly discreet as it features a picture of the toy. However, it’s a relatively small box and each piece has a plastic bag over it. Being somewhat earth-conscious, I always appreciate minimal and recyclable packaging.
Follow-up commentary
After a while I couldn't really see a reason to keep this around. I hate the jelly cover and there are much better remote control eggs. I ended up throwing it out.
This product was provided free of charge to the reviewer. This review is in compliance with the FTC guidelines.
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Do you like this review?
  • BadassFatass
    I hate jelly toys. Thanks for the review. I'll be avoiding this one.
  • Eden C.
    I'm sorry you were disappointed! Thanks for the review!
  • liilii080
    Every time I see this I wonder why the picture for it has an apple in the background. Sorry it didn't do it for you.
  • The Curious Couple
    Good review -- I wish it could have worked out for you, though!
  • TheSinDoll
    Sorry it didn't work out. Nice review though!
  • CynicallyYours
    I always kind of wonder about the apple as well...makes me think of smurfs. (You know, 'cause they're three apples high...)
  • Crystal1
    Great (and amusing) review! Thanks!
  • pinkcupcakes
    thanks for the review!
  • Pretty Birdy
    Very funny and helpful, thanks!
  • Birdy
    Good review, thanks!
  • anonomous
    Thank you for the great review!
  • joja
    Eek! Thanks for the warning! It seems like I'll never find a good suction toy...
  • faust
    nice review
  • Hennasea
    Jelly does get to feeling weird sometimes. Thank you
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