Where Are My Privates?!

The Cooling Lubricant by V is fairly self-explanatory: It's a personal lubricant that is meant to have a cooling effect on the area to which it is applied. Being water-based, I would recommend it for beginners to lubricant, as long as they are not using it on toys or for anal penetration. It's too thin to use on toys, and the cooling sensation may not be for everyone. I can't honestly think of anyone this product would be great for, but I'll get into why below.

The V Cooling Lubricant is a very thin formula. It's smooth and slick, though not so much so as other brands of lubricant, and it is so thin I could feel the peaks and valleys of my fingerprints when I rubbed the lube, which I couldn't feel with other lubricants I have tried. It is so thin, in fact, that you can hold the bottle upside-down and let gravity drip it out for you, no squeezing required! After a minute or two, this exceptionally thin lube begins to soak into the skin and get tacky, and requires frequent re-application. And no matter which toy I tried it on, it beaded up and slid right off, and even acts that way on my skin to a lesser degree.

When I first opened the bottle, I wasn't expecting any sort of a smell, because the description review says that there is no discernible scent or taste. However, I definitely detected some mint or menthol, which makes sense because that is the ingredient that gives the lube its tingling, cooling properties. And when I tasted it? Woah! The tingling was so incredibly intense on my tongue, and it tasted almost minty, and almost pleasant. Unfortunately I couldn't taste much on that spot for about an hour afterwards, it kept tingling and mixing up my taste receptors.

This is one of the least long-lived lubricants I have ever encountered. It only took a few minutes before things became slightly tacky and I needed to re-apply. I credit this to the extreme thinness of the liquid. This did however make cleanup a breeze, since it just absorbed into my skin. I didn't have to wash it off at all, and it left my skin softer and smelling lightly minty.

The best part of this product is that it didn't seem to stain our sheets. I spilled some, and because I was quite preoccupied, I didn't clean it up for at least an hour. Unfortunately I can't find anything else that's great about the lube. It does what it's supposed to, but not in a great way. I'll talk about that in a later section.

Like most other lubes, this product comes in a clear plastic bottle with a flip-top cap for easy dispensing. Unlike most lubes, however, the labeling is almost completely clear, allowing you to see how crystal-clear the product inside really is. You can read through this stuff! Even the blue stripe around the top one-third of the bottle is translucent. It's a pretty labeling choice, and if I kept it, I would be remiss to hide this bottle with our other lubes and toys. It also came in a large zip-top bag with a booklet about the V company, its scientists, and the production and uses of their various liquids and lubricants. The book is informative, and gave me a great first impression.

With the purpose of this lubricant, one would assume the special features would be its cooling and tingling properties. I would disagree, and I'll get into that later. For me, the most special feature of this product is the fact that the bottle is recyclable... because that is what I did with it. That, and the fact that it tasted kind of good.

When I was first offered this product for review, I wondered why. I still wonder why: I already reviewed a cooling lube by another brand, what could they be thinking? But I decided to go with it anyway, because I liked my last bottle of cooling lube so well, and a free bottle, free points, and getting to write my opinion, all seemed worth it. Unlike our last bottle, which was produced by Wet, the V Cooling Lubricant uses only menthol in order to instill a cooling, tingling sensation. It certainly works... But not necessarily how you would want it to.

Because I have sensitive skin, I always test my lubricants on my wrist first, to make sure it's not going to harm me where the skin is delicate, and I recommend everyone does this with a new product that might get inside their body. It only took a few seconds until it started tingling, and as I wrote down my observations, the tingling felt a little cold and spread up through my palm. This lasted for about five minutes before it went away, and after reapplying, it instantly returned. I moved down a little, and I was sad (though, knowing my body, not at all surprised) when I couldn't feel anything when I applied it to my nipples.

Only a little disappointed, I moved on "downstairs." There was no instant cold or tingling effect here, though I could feel a chill eventually spread to engulf much of my genital region. I engaged in a full, entirely frustrating hour of solo play that I simply could not finish. Finally I realized what was wrong: the lube wasn't just chilling and feeling good... Eventually I couldn't feel my clitoris at all. It had gone completely soft. The lube had numbed my clit, and severely desensitized my labia (majora and minora) and even the opening of my vagina! It would be another hour before the effect fully wore off. This may not end up being your experience, but be warned that it did happen to someone.

Needless to say, this one I didn't try again with my boyfriend later on. He didn't savor the idea of his penis "disappearing" for an hour. It had felt like I had erectile dysfunction of the clitoris, and it was terrifying until my brain kicked in and told me what was going on. I'm thankful once again for my background dabbling in herbology: menthol was the culprit. It's a chemical compound made synthetically from mint plants and extracts. In small amounts, and I mean very small, it does tingle and cool the skin. But if you have too much, which is difficult to avoid, it can completely numb the area it is applied to! This is why people enjoy smoking menthol cigarettes. But I don't smoke, and neither does my vagina. This lube is, unfortunately, headed for the trash.