7 function wireless remote vibe - bullet discontinued by Doc Johnson - review by Annemarie

The 7 Function Wireless Remote Vibe is exactly what it says it is: a wireless, remote-powered vibrating bullet. It can be used for many things, including clitoral stimulation, all-over-body stimulation, vaginal stimulation, perineal stimulation...there's many possibilities, and even more when you hand the remote over to your partner.

This toy has the potential to be used out in public! Because of its noise, however, places of a louder nature, such as a concert, club, or sports game, would be the best place to use it if you're going public with it. There's even a convenient clip to attach the remote to your keyring.

The bullet is waterproof, but the remote is not. If you're wanting to take it into the bath or shower, a Ziploc baggy around the remote will make it splashproof.

Both the bullet and remote are made of PU-coated plastic in a bright orange-red, almost coral shade. The material is quite rigid and may prove to be slightly uncomfortable to some while inserted and sitting. There is no inherent texture, but the shape lends itself to stimulate like a texture, which could simply be described as bulged. The coating is smooth, somewhat draggy (moreso than shiny plastic), and soft but not plush. It's nonporous, odorless, and phthalate-free.

There is a very pronounced seam at the bottom of the bullet where the batteries go in, but it's generally not felt unless you're extra sensitive.

The bullet is about 4" long, not including the pull-string, and 4 3/4" in circumference. The string is 3" long and seems very well attached; it's not going to come apart easily. The bullet is relatively large, but it won't slip out easily if your vagina is of average size. The bullet reminds me of a Kong dog toy (see photo here). The bullet is quite heavy, with all three batteries in it.

The remote is about the same size as the bullet, but it's much lighter. It is about 2 3/4" long, and fits comfortably in the hand. It has a string and small clasp that you can attach to your keys or attach it to the bullet when storing.

When in use inside of the vagina, the bulges aren't felt at all.

As its name suggest, the 7 Function has, well, seven functions. They're fairly standard, and include steady vibrations, escalations, and pulses. The vibrations are moderately strong, buzzy, but not high pitched, and kind of loud, maybe about 3 bees. I was not comfortable wearing it in public.

To use, put 3 N-size batteries in the bullet and the 12V battery in the remote. Yeah, it takes four separate batteries, of two odd sizes. It may be difficult to get the batteries in and out of the bullet, but if you smack it on your palm, they do eventually come out. I only had to get out the pliers once to pluck the batteries out. This thing guzzles batteries, especially if they're left in the bullet or remote for a period of time. I used this one day for about 30 minutes, put it away, came back to it two days later, and the remote and bullet were dead. N-size and 12V batteries do not grow on trees, so, take out the batteries when you're done playing.

PU-coated plastic is easy to care for, and easy to store. Hot or warm water with soap or a commercial toy cleaner covers all the basics. For a more thorough cleaning, a wipe-down with isopropyl alcohol or a spray-down with a 10% bleach solution would work.

Storage is easy, as PU-coated plastic doesn't attract lint. Keep it away from lesser materials (such as jelly), as they may adhere to the plastic. Store it without its batteries, and they'll last longer.

Any non-oil based lubricant can be used with the 7 Function.

The 7 Function is packaged true to Doc Johnson form: a clear plastic box, with colorful and eye catching designs. It's not usable for storage, not discreet, and doesn't have recycle codes. It comes with the required batteries to work the toy; however, NONE of the batteries I received worked, so I had to go out and buy batteries to even use it once (which was the only use I got out of it).

To say I didn't enjoy this toy is accurate. I'm annoyed that it takes two different types of batteries that are both quite uncommon and that the batteries don't last very long anyway. I'm annoyed that it's not very powerful, that it's loud, and that it's kind of a weird shape for inserting.

Objectively, it's a 3-star toy. It's not a bad toy, but it's not a good toy either.
Subjectively, it's maybe a 1- or 2-star toy.