The Triple Stimulator Dolphin Duo is probably the most infuriating sex toy I've ever owned. Because of that, I am going to say right now that inexperienced toy users should look elsewhere for a DP toy, no matter how cute and friendly this one seems. I KNOW that it's good. I've had great times with it. Unfortunately, I've also had really, really bad times that have made me vow to throw it away and never look back.

But, I never quite make it to the trash. I'm determined to tame it, but until I do have no intention of using as more than a solo toy. The Dolphin Duo has reduced me to shrieking orgasms, frothing curses, and hysterical laughter alike, and so until I have some sort of consistent reaction I'm not throwing another person into the mix.

The Dolphin is a dual-bullet, wired remote-controlled vibe with a nubbly clitoral stimulator at the front end. The vaginal dolphin is slightly taller and thicker than its anal compatriot, and both are gently curved, likely to add a little extra stimulation to the G-spot (because the curve does NOTHING to keep the toy in place.)It comes equipped with a set of jock-style harness straps to help keep it positioned, and the remote has very clearly-labeled speed buttons for both of the dolphins. The remote also sports a lovely little clip for attaching to a belt, or pants, because in theory you can put this on and be on your very merry way. In theory, it could also be held by a partner and controlled while you give them oral or reciprocate with a different toy, which definitely is an appealing thought.

Then the design flaws came into play, and I found myself having to rethink how to use this vibe. That's fine. One of the straps tore off the toy, anyway, (I have bad luck with straps, you see) so let's just get rid of them entirely and use the toy solo in bed. I grab my lube, some good erotica, and try out my new idea.

Whoops, look at that. Even lying down, mostly unmoving, my little dolphins just won't stay where they belong, and next thing you know everything's covered in lube and my panting has nothing to do with enjoyment.

That's fine, too. It's a hands-free vibe, after all, so there's no problem using it sitting up in a chair. Bingo. Everything works excellently, and next thing I know I'm weak-kneed in ecstasy. A position pillow would also be a good option if you'd like to stay on your bed.

Of course, once I figured out how to consistently and comfortably keep it where it belonged, the REAL problems began....

The Dolphin Duo is listed here as TPR silicone, but the packaging and other sites I've checked insist that it's 100% silicone and phthalates-free. The dolphins are silky-smooth and easy to clean, with no odd taste and no strong, distracting smells. The waves at the base of the dolphins are adorable, but add no extra stimulation.

The battery case and controls are a tough, waterproof plastic that will bruise you if, say, the clip comes loose from something and decides to bang you in the knee. (I have pathetic capillaries.) When not landing on you, this makes the remote end of things very durable and sturdy, which is a plus. The cords themselves are nice and thick, and nothing feels fragile or easily breakable in the wiring.

The harness is made of a comfortable elastic material and is a nice, contrasting white with silver snaps. It attaches right into the silicone base of the dolphins and could be removed by un-doing some snaps and gently pulling the elastic through the silicone loops, though I know from experience that rage and cloth scissors will work just as well to get your dolphins swimming solo.

The size of the vibe is ideal for a hands-free: it's not going to ram uncomfortably if fully inserted, and the back dolphin is small enough not to cause pain for those new to anal play. Thankfully, the vibes are strong enough even for those of us that aren't. It's pretty, it's easy to clean, and it could even be discreet... if the stupid harness actually worked. The remote is a little large to hide when clothed, anyway, so keep this one in the house or bedroom. I don't see a problem with travel, since the remote's buttons require a good thumb-push to activate a bullet, but to be extra-safe just take the AAs out and toss it in a pouch to keep the remote cord from tangling around your things.

Both the vibes are quiet enough for use behind closed doors, won't distract you with noise even with both purring away on their highest settings, and the batteries last forever. I've had my Dolphin Duo for months, and can only remember changing the batteries once. Then again, since the vibe spent a chunk of those months in time-out, this may not be the case for someone who wishes to use it regularly. Either way, they won't drain after two uses.

Unfortunately, there are several design flaws which have caused me no end of pain. The back dolphin isn't tapered at the base to help keep it in place on its own, especially after the liberal application of lube needed to get it to agree to play along in the first place. I suppose that's where the straps are meant to come in, but they don't hold it nearly still enough. And, because the dolphins themselves are nice and bendy, it makes it even harder to keep it in after your initial, successful placement!

Two uses in, one of the silicone loops holding down the harness tore away from the base of the vibe, rendering the right half of the harness utterly useless. The straps aren't weak; the silicone is, and this toy could benefit from some sort of reinforcement for the loops.

What has caused the most problems for me overall is the clitoral nub. As others have stated before me, it doesn't have its own bullet, which is fine for some. But if you're a pressure person, and you push yourself against that nub to get some extra sensation, all vibrations cease. I suppose that's why it has all the tiny silicone "fingers," to give us pressure people some extra thrill when we grind, but what I usually end up with is a nice bruise from the way it hits against my pelvic bone!

At first I thought it was just my, ah, exuberance from finally finding a way to put my dolphins to effective use. It's not, though. Time after time, I have an intense, star-seeing, ear-deafening, brain-freezing orgasm... followed by three days' worth of tender crotch. I've never done that to myself with my other vibes, no matter how hard I press on my clit.

The base of each dolphin has its own bullet, which leaves the clitoral nub to its own devices. The remote has three individually-controlled speeds (low, medium, high, all steady pulse) for each that can be changed up or down at the press of a button. The high speeds are powerful without being overwhelming, while the low speeds are excellent for warm-up. I usually keep my front dolphin set on medium and the back on high because this causes the most delicious combination of sensations. If you set them both on the same speed, I find that the vibrations become less interesting.

The toy is waterproof, but the dolphins won't stay in for a shower, of course, and no one likes soggy harness straps. I suppose it could be used in the bath, but I'd be wary of keeping the remote under for long, so depending upon the depth of your tub the remote cord might be too short. Since I've had problems with remote cord length OUT of the water, this is a justified fear.

The wave details on the dolphins aren't in relief enough to make the vibe need heavy scrubbing, and it's technically boil-able and dishwashable to sterilize, but I wouldn't try that with the cord and the remote. Soap, water, and/or a toy cleaner before and after use will do you just fine.

As it is silicone, please use water-based lubes.

The straps can easily tangle, or get caught on something and tear the base of the vibe, so store the Dolphin Duo in a place where they don't get jostled. You could also rubber-band them if you want to keep the vibe in a pouch or travel bag.

The Dolphin Duo comes in a bizarrely-shaped cardboard box that screams "HELLO I AM A CUTE DOUBLE PENETRATION SEX TOY," so there's really no point in keeping it around, and depending upon where you live it may be difficult to get rid of it discreetly (I am thinking college and roommate situations specifically).

I think that if it weren't so stupidly adorable I would have given up long ago. I am not a patient person, and I have other toys in my collection that can work for/are meant for double penetration. There are situations where stubbornness can be a virtue, and actually writing out this saga for review has made me realize that this is definitely not one of them. :^)

But... I'm actually wondering if this would be good with a thong-style harness to keep it in place, but since I'm not currently in a relationship where I can test that out myself I can't stay for sure. But in theory the thong would hold the vibe where it belonged, and the remote might be able to hook comfortably to the belt for easy access without getting in the way. I thunk thrusting might trigger yummy clit stimulation without adding enough pressure to cause bruising, too. Naturally, I'd take the straps off the vibe first, or there would be too many straps all around.