Joanna Angel's bad ass G-bullet - bullet discontinued by Topco Sales - review by Blinker

Joanna Angel's Bad Ass G bullet will blow you away with its 7 distinctive and stunningly powerful patterns. This bad ass bullet isn't your run of the mill purple or pink little thing, no fucking way. It's a larger, fractured black bullet with a G-spotting tip that is superb for pinpointing your clit. Those ladies who are able to get off on easy, smooth, boring vibrations would be scared by this bullet. Save it for those times when you want to get off RIGHTNOW, or when you need that extra oomph to set you reeling off the bed. I'd recommend having a pillow nearby to scream into.

The Bad Ass bullet is plastic with a unique crackly texture referred to as "fractured black". Remember those Cover Girl "Crackle" nail polishes from a few years ago? It was cool. You would paint your nails with a normal polish and then paint the Crackle polish on top. After a while, the Crackle polish would dry and "crack" where you could see the underlying color peek out. I wish they still made it...but I digress. This is the texture of the plastic of the bullet. The underlying color is a silver/gray with cracked black on top. It isn't paint, oh no. It's just the way the plastic is. It even FEELS great when you run your hands all over it. The bullet and the remote control are the same texture. It is a smooth yet slightly bumpy texture but sadly you can't feel a thing when you use the bullet. Or, that may be a good thing. Dunno, but I was kinda waiting to see what it felt like.

The bullet doesn't smell or taste bad and had no lint or anything sticking to it when I took it out of the package, but I washed it anyway. Being plastic, it's compatible with any sort of lube you slather on it.

The bad ass bullet itself is 4" long from base to tip and has a diameter of 1", the remote is about the same length, and the cord connecting the two is about 30" long (2 and a half feet). This is the first toy I've ever used that had a remote control and cord and found it easy as hell to have the bullet between my thighs while using the control. The cord never strained or pulled while I maneuvered the bullet around with one hand. At the base of the bullet and the remote is a tiny black O ring protecting the silver cord from, I assume, water. It doesn't look like the most waterproof thing in the world, and honestly I haven't tried it in the shower or bath. This thing is too cool to risk breaking.

On the remote control you'll find, duh, the controls for the bullet. Just unscrew the cap off the bottom of the remote and insert 2 AA batteries to start playing and you'll be good to go. If your hands get slippery or maybe you like grippy things, or whatever, there are several raised ridges on the remote control to make sure you can comfortably keep a hold on the toy. The remote has a silver pad with numbered lights that indicate with vibration setting you're currently using. The only annoying thing I found was that the red indicator light blinks when you're on odd-numbered settings (1, 3, 5, 7). When you're on even-numbered settings, the light stays a steady red. I guess the blinking light isn't really a problem unless you're paying attention to the controls all night and, with this bullet, I don't think that's what anyone will be focused on.

The bullet is curved for G spot action, but I didn't use it to even try to find mine. For G spot stimulation, strong vibrations can be a bit distracting for me, so I only used this little baby on my clit. Those who want some thrusting to stimulate their G spot may want to look elsewhere. At 4", there isn't much to thrust or wiggle around to find your sweet spot. Due to the shortness of the bullet and the lack of a flared base, don't put the bullet in your butt. Just don't, m'kay? It's a little booger and it will get lost. Now if you've got a good grip on it, it's great for butthole stimulation or even perineum stimulation, but not anal insertion. I mean, yeah, it has a cord, but if you try to yank the bullet out of your bum by the cord, it may break and that would suck for you, now wouldn't it?

Ok, here comes the part about the controls. They aren't really difficult to figure out, even without instructions, but I was honestly confused at first. The power button looks like your normal power button, so press it. To scroll through the speeds and patterns, press the 7x button.

-Pressing it once turns the lowest level of steady vibration on, which is more like the highest setting of your regular ava-rege vibrator. Yes, that was a Yogi Bear reference. Get over it.
-Press the 7x button again to get a speedy pulsing pattern. Z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z. It's got a 1,2 beat.
-Pressing it a third time gives you a random pulsing, buzzing, something-or-other pattern. No way to put it into words, really.
-The fourth option is FUN! You get a steady throbbing, escalating pattern that mimics the drumbeat to a good rock song. Bang, bang, bang, baby!
-Number 5 is a higher steady vibration pattern that varies every few seconds. It will escalate then drop lower. It's unpredictable.
-The 6th time you press the button, you get another bang bang pattern that feels like an engine is revving on your clit. It's all vroom-vroom and yummy.
-The 7th and final option is another random buzzing-throbbing combination that tricks you into thinking you KNOW what's coming next, but oh no. You do not.

After this, press the 7x button once more and you'll get a green light, which basically means yeah, the thing is on but it isn't doing anything, so press the power button to shut off the device.

So what happens if you're right in the middle of having fun with the 4th speed and someone comes a-bangin' on your door? You don't have to scroll through ALL the speeds and patterns just to turn the thing off. Just pressing the power button once will immediately turn off the device and let you off the hook in a second.

To clean the bullet, I just use a mild soap and water and dry the toy completely. It is labeled as waterproof; while I haven't dunked it in the bath (yet), I haven't had any sort of toy malfunction when I get water on the toy to clean it. I stick it under running tap water from the sink and all's well so far.

If you need to use lube with this plastic toy, all lubes can be used, from water-based to oils and silicone lubes.

Since this toy has a cord, be careful with where and how you store it. Don't wrap the cord too tightly around anything, and keep it stored away from sharp or pokey objects. And Cats. Especially cats.

The bullet came house in a cute plastic package with a hot pink plastic insert with Joana Angel's face and stamp of approval. Little icons mention that the toy is waterproof, phthalate- and latex-free. What I really liked were the instructions on the back on the package. They are obviously written with a sense of humor and have a nice alternative twist to them, not just those standard "Set your nights wild with PASSION!" statements all over every other toy's package out there. If you remove the pink insert it turns into a mini-brochure that showcases more of Joanna Angel's sex toys including strokers, waterproof vibrators and hot pink bondage tape (which AHEM *cough* Eden should totally look into *cough*).

I love this bullet. No. Really. LOVE. IT. It's powerful, pretty quiet, the perfect size and shape for pinpoint clit stimulation, and it just looks awesome. It's nice to have a change from foofy pink and purple and light blue shit every so often. The patterns on this vibe never get boring or predictable and it gets me off in no time. Honestly, for some people, this bullet may be too strong. It wasn't so strong as to cause pain or make my hand or clit go numb, but it is freakin' powerful, I'll say that. If you are looking for a decently priced vibe upgrade or your clit is bored as hell, give this black beauty a spin. You won't regret it.