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Keeping A-Breast of Things

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Whether you know them as bazongas, bazookas, cha-chas or torpedoes, chances are likely that breasts have influenced some aspect of your life. They are not only at the core of female sexiness, but they define fantasies, appear as desires and are a cash cow for movies, magazines and music world-wide. Regardless of whether you love them or hate them, it is nearly impossible to avoid the dynamic duo.

  1. A woman’s breast size is analogous to her self-esteem.

For women who have generally positive self esteem, this is totally untrue; however, there are a number of women out there who feel bothered enough by their breast size to decide that surgical attention is required to ‘fix’ the problem. Granted, there are many who need augmentation or reduction, or who have genuine issues with their breast size and shape, but many of these people predicate their final decisions on physical problems, rather than the desire to simply show off a bigger rack. And regardless of whether you're a member of the Itty Bitty Titty Committee or a dead-ringer for Morganna the Kissing Bandit, walking tall and throwing that chest out shows off a clear sense of confidence and power that even Victoria can't give you a better secret for!

  2. Breast size determines sex drive.

Did a frustrated partner make this one up? (Answer: yes; and he was a poet. A really lousy poet, too.) The beauty of women is that none of us are alike. Some love utilizing their boobs during sexual activities, while others just aren’t that interested. Who cares? We all love sex and every one of us loves it differently. Not to mention – while most everyone has some sort of opinion of what the ideal breast size is, you’ll probably encounter anyone who doesn’t love the ones that are right in front of their eyes (or in their hands, mouth, etc…)

These days there are hordes of hucksters trying to ply you with all sorts of questionable paraphernalia designed to “enhance breast fullness, firmness and size, increase a female’s libido (sex drive)…” – and all in a shiny little pill! Don’t believe the hype. If Mexican yam, saw palmetto, and dried ginger could inflate you like a balloon, we’d all be eating more vegetables.

  3. Your breasts are nature’s original Snuggies.

Breasts, like pacifist Transformers, are actually more than meets the eye: they are pillows in disguise. This myth is yet to be broken; men and women alike are gathering data as we speak. But they are just as comfy, aren’t they? And they’re far, far more fashionable than those Snuggies.

  4. You’ve got twins!

Breasts are identical. The truth is, we come in all shapes and sizes. Our treasure chest is no different - some of us notice only a slight change, while others struggle with two “minds of their own.” They didn't get the nickname "Betty & Wilma" because they were exactly alike! Embrace the uniqueness and know that your breasts are beautiful and ready to mingle. It is time to forget the misconceptions and start focusing on what you love about them.


Since the beginning of time, our favorite friends have played a major role in motherhood. When pregnant, women will notice that their breasts become swollen and tender, making them more attractive for some of our partners – but oddly enough, less able to withstand the jiggling juggling of searching for Radio Tokyo that too many people cheerily call breast play.

They also may leak a bit of fluid (called colostrum) at the nipples from time to time, especially when stimulated, which, depending on your outlook, can be either disturbing or dead-sexy. They can even play a part in making labor happen - midwives and wise women as far back as the days of the ancients have recommended nipple stimulation for bringing a late labor on, or easing the pain of contractions. Which makes total sense - well-performed nipple play is nothing if not distracting!

Now stop treating them like a dial, please – that’s why we invented satellite radio.

  Apples & Apples

While breasts are a baby’s best friend and their source of food, they also are the object of affection (to put it lightly). Breasts have undoubtedly become a symbol of power. Have you ever wondered how they’ve made their way into every sexual fantasy?

Let’s face it - breasts have been the apples of our eye since the day we were born. Whether we prefer voluptuous breasts or ones that don’t even need to be supported by a bra, they're pretty high up there in the list of erogenous zones.

Sensitive to the touch, nipples have nerve endings that can easily be stimulated by licking, flicking or even a simple blow of air. When that delicious tingle of arousal starts, our nipples begin to fill with blood, thus making them appear and feel hard. For many women, it's a foreplay must, as the nerves send their sexy song of excitement over the connections to the uterus, vulva, ass, and of course our biggest sex organ, the brain. Gentle touches are the best place to start for most women - radio-dialing or lemon-squeezing are generally not the best initial approach – or flipping them on and off like a faulty light-switch. Trust us - she'll tell you if she wants it harder, or more, or in different places...if not with her words, then by arching her back or grinding against you or grabbing your hand and moving it. Sexually confident women are scads of fun in that way.

And don't forget the rest of the breast. The entire epidermis of the breasts constitutes a powerful erotogenic (not just the nipples!), and it loves to be touched, and stroked, and licked, and nibbled, and sucked, and breathed on, and bitten gently (or not-so gently – check first, though), and...wait, is it getting warm in here? Oh, never mind, that's just us. Seriously, though, one of the most notable mistakes that a novice nipple-nosher makes is ignoring the other 90% of the breasts - so show your partner that she's not just a life-support system for a nipple, and give your kind attention to the whole of her lovely globes!


If you were to approach a random woman on the street and ask her what she thought of her breasts, you'd hear a good chunk of them say that they wish they were different in size or shape - larger, smaller, fuller, more symmetrical, pointing up to the get the idea.

Of course, if you approached a random womon and asked her what she thought about her breasts, you might get decked, pepper-sprayed, tasered, or regarded as a social deviant. Sadly, our culture plays a pivotal role in how we view our bodies - and because the average size is 36C in the United States, it's understandable why we’re so obsessive over breasts. Everywhere we look - whether it is a Victoria Secret model spilling out over her bra or simply a woman walking down the street with enough boobage to feed an army - we are constantly comparing ourselves to these chesty ideals.

What women don’t realize is that perfection doesn’t have to be achieved. Flaunt what you have and if you are too self-conscious, accentuate what you do like or try a little push-up lingerie magic. Aim those cannon balls at the eyes of your target. You’d be surprised how much sexier we are if we just think and act like we're today's Marilyn Monroe (who, don't forget, was a size 16!).

  Sex Toys.

While most people think of sex toys as treats for the vagina, anus or penis, breasts have every right to join in on the fun. Massage ‘em, lick ‘em, or try your fun with clamps and bondage, there is surely something deliciously enticing for every personality.

For the novice – the Breast Stimulator or the Heart Shaped Breast Massagers are perfect items for a newbie. Slip this wireless cup onto your nipple and enjoy the vibrational ride. No need to be afraid - both toys won’t bite! You can also try a little Climax Nipple Gel - it's great during foreplay. It’s as simple as placing the mint flavored gel onto your nipples. Get ready for a wave of tingles, because this one is sure to get you in the mood for a night of action.

For the veteran - How about some delicious suction? Grab a Nipple Bulb and apply it by gently squeezing, then cupping the opening around your nipple and let it tug you into it's mouth for some singularly glorious sensations...or, for some added vibration, you can try the Nipple luscious vibrating suction toy to combine that feeling with a big of tickling vibration to really get your juices flowing!

For the daredevil - Who ever said that BDSM couldn’t be exciting? If you are looking for a new thrill and want to endure a little pain, the Beaded Nipple Clamps will have you screaming for more. These attractive clamps will dazzle your nipples, making them rock hard in seconds, and when you wear them during other fun tasks, the swinging of the beads will send shivers of sensation through you, keeping the thrills going!
  • Co-authored by Sarah Sloane


Contributor: steph j
steph j  


Contributor: freda