When it comes to the internet, you can find information about anything. When you first begin exploring BDSM, it's a good idea to learn from people that are experienced. If you don't feel comfortable checking out your local scene (or if you live someplace where there really isn't one), you can join a fetish website and do your research there. Unfortunately, there are some websites that seem to attract most of the bad apples, the people that are just there to get their rocks off and couldn't care less about helping you. Let's start with the websites you should avoid:
1. CollarMe.com
This is probably the single worst kink website out there. I would say that probably at least 7 out of every 10 people on there are fake. They don't want a real relationship. They are just trolling for easy prey. The only reason you should consider joining CollarMe is to laugh at the incredibly stupid messages that you will start receiving the moment you sign up. And while there are forums on CollarMe, they really are of no use because they aren't active at all, which just reinforces the fact that no one uses CollarMe for anything more than looking for wank fodder.
2. Alt.com
Alt.com is just as bad as CollarMe, with one added negative: most features aren't available without a paid membership. So you get all of the fabulous benefits of CM (note the sarcasm) and you get charged for the pleasure as well. There are some good groups on Alt.com, but honestly I've never been able to find one that was good enough to deal with the bad parts of Alt.com so that I could participate in it. Just like CollarMe, Alt.com is set up to be mainly a dating site, which I believe is the reason why it attracts mostly weirdos. And because messages are one of the things that require a paid membership, you can't even use Alt.com as entertainment without paying for the pleasure.
Now that we've talked about the bad, let's focus on the good. Unfortunately, there's really only one good site out there, but on the plus side it's a really great one.
1. Fetlife
Fetlife is the holy grail of kink websites. It has groups on pretty much every topic you can imagine and if there isn't a group for it, you are free to create it. And because Fetlife is meant to be a social networking site, not a dating site, most of the people on there aren't creeps. Of course there are a few and you'll probably get an icky message or two, but it's very easy to block people and I think dealing with a couple bad messages is worth it because the good definitely outweighs the bad on Fetlife. Another good thing about Fetlife is that it is completely free. Because it is run completely on donations and advertising, there are currently 2 features (videos and the ability to "love" pictures, writings, etc) that are only available to people who support Fetlife, but I am not a supporter and the lack of those two features has not inhibited my ability to enjoy the website to the fullest.
1. CollarMe.com
This is probably the single worst kink website out there. I would say that probably at least 7 out of every 10 people on there are fake. They don't want a real relationship. They are just trolling for easy prey. The only reason you should consider joining CollarMe is to laugh at the incredibly stupid messages that you will start receiving the moment you sign up. And while there are forums on CollarMe, they really are of no use because they aren't active at all, which just reinforces the fact that no one uses CollarMe for anything more than looking for wank fodder.
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2. Alt.com
Alt.com is just as bad as CollarMe, with one added negative: most features aren't available without a paid membership. So you get all of the fabulous benefits of CM (note the sarcasm) and you get charged for the pleasure as well. There are some good groups on Alt.com, but honestly I've never been able to find one that was good enough to deal with the bad parts of Alt.com so that I could participate in it. Just like CollarMe, Alt.com is set up to be mainly a dating site, which I believe is the reason why it attracts mostly weirdos. And because messages are one of the things that require a paid membership, you can't even use Alt.com as entertainment without paying for the pleasure.
Now that we've talked about the bad, let's focus on the good. Unfortunately, there's really only one good site out there, but on the plus side it's a really great one.
1. Fetlife
Fetlife is the holy grail of kink websites. It has groups on pretty much every topic you can imagine and if there isn't a group for it, you are free to create it. And because Fetlife is meant to be a social networking site, not a dating site, most of the people on there aren't creeps. Of course there are a few and you'll probably get an icky message or two, but it's very easy to block people and I think dealing with a couple bad messages is worth it because the good definitely outweighs the bad on Fetlife. Another good thing about Fetlife is that it is completely free. Because it is run completely on donations and advertising, there are currently 2 features (videos and the ability to "love" pictures, writings, etc) that are only available to people who support Fetlife, but I am not a supporter and the lack of those two features has not inhibited my ability to enjoy the website to the fullest.
Collarme does have a lot of fakes, I'll agree. But if you are trying to find someone to start a relationship with, I'd rather go to collarme than FetLife, just due to the ability to find people based on certain parameters. FetLife is strictly designed for social networking, which is great as well, but it's very difficult to try to find someone to have a relationship with there. Also, for someone who is trying to be underground, yet still find people with similar interests, unfortunately FetLife is too open for me. I've actually been able to find some pretty decent conversationalists and potential matches on collarme lately. A lot more than I have been able to in past years. I'm not sure if most of the fakes are just getting bored with it or what, but the maturity level of the messages I get have been higher, on average. I have found a few messages that have me shaking my head, but then I got those on FetLife when I was still on there, too.
Do you visit Slave Register? It's long been one of my favorites.
I agree about it being "really easy" to find people via fetlife--- all profiles are public (once your have an account), and once you know one friend's profile you can start finding other friends through their friendslist/s. I mostly enjoy fetlife for its events page. I think okcupid makes for the best free dating, though that too has its cons, but I still know quite a few of my friends who are into BDSM/kink who also use that
This all sounds so amazing! I typically go to Deviantclip.com, but i will deff check some of these out!
Hmm. Great article! Very interesting. Now i want to explore them. lol Even just for a few laughs.
Great article
I feel so proud for having a fetlife now! Glad to see you approve
I love FetLife as well and am glad I never spent time on the dud sites. I'll see you there if I haven't already!
Fetlife has its own issues, but for now it is the best.
CM is as the author states. 95% of the people are playing online games and not real about anything. if you want online only...go there. if not, stay away. online only does little for me, so I will not go back, myself.
sorry, but fet life is worthless for making a connection