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You Always Remember The First Time
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There's a first time for everything, and it may not be the greatest. But it's always the time you remember the best....

  A Pleasure Shared Is A Pleasure Doubled

The first time he tied, or handcuffed you down, then brought out the toys. Done badly, it is just annoying. Done correctly, with a smart guy who follows your body’s lead, it can be the most exquisite torture on earth - and all the more so because you don’t have a clue what he will do next, or how your body will respond. It’s something that no amount of imaginative solo play can forewarn you about, and if there’s tickling or tongues involved as well, then you might as well trade your whole body in for putty.

The first time you watched one another masturbate. I’ve never subscribed to the belief that watching your partner bring him/herself off is a reliable way of learning what they really like. You see the movements, but you don’t see the pressure, you gauge the speed, but you can’t judge their timing. So don’t even try to learn. Just revel in the imagery, and encourage them to play as well. Introduce toys, talk about fantasies. Then store the thoughts away, because you will want to come back to them later.

The first time you watched a porno together and found its intentions matched yours to the letter. I’ll admit, a lot of modern XXX movies leave me kinda cold, veering off in directions that I’d never want to try (spit in my ass and I’ll fart in your face). But occasionally you’ll find one that... well, to put it simply, you could have directed it yourself.

A great movie, when we talk about “mainstream” productions, is one that touches a part of your soul that you don’t normally expect to be affected by a DVD. It might make you cry, it might make you yearn, it might make you fall in love. Strangely, or maybe not, I didn’t like the movie that illustrates this article. I just don’t think it got it. But V For Vendetta gets me ever time - that final scene when the people gather, and the Parliament building goes up in fireworks. The sense that no matter what the government decrees, the will of the people is ultimately stronger.

Love Actually. It’s sappy and silly and parts are just creepy. But its overall message and the heartstrings it tugs... they’re priceless. And so is The Opening of Misty Beethoven... a seventies porno whose plot (yes it has one) I won’t spoil, but which balances exquisite beauty with naked eroticism. Although I probably still won’t be taking that one along to the local movie society’s open night.

The first time... Ah, but now it’s your turn. Either in the comments below, or in your own mind. What experience did you sample for the first time, some time long ago (or maybe even just recently), and once it was over, and throughout it as well, realize that this was a moment you will never recreate, no matter how many times you repeat it? A moment when your entire being shook to something that it had never felt before, and responded with such ecstasy that you could float on the memory for the rest of your life. Or at least until another thrill comes along?

Your first threesome, your first whipping. Your first submission, your first stab at anal. It could be anything, so long as it means everything. Because that is why first times are so important to us, why we should treasure their memories and keep them alive. Life in general, and sex in general too, can often fade into a succession of ... I don’t want to say “mundane encounters,” because they’re usually fun while they’re happening. But once you’ve (for instance) blown your boyfriend in the car a few times, the memories do all tend to blur a little, and very few will stand out as especially special.

Apart from the first time. When half of you is frightened, in case someone comes along and sees, and half of you is wondering how this will even work; part of you is petrified that the car will crash and you’ll be rushed to the ER with your boyfriend’s dick still gnashed between your teeth (enjoy explaining that away to the doctor); and part of you... well, you get the picture. But there’s a part of you that is excitedly thinking “oh my God, I’m going to do it,” and you wouldn’t lose that sensation for the world.

That’s what the first time is about. Stepping into the unknown, stepping out of your doubts, experiencing something you have never tried before. And loving it.

I saw my friend again a month or so later... the friend with the husband who made the list, remember? And of course I had to ask her if she’d followed my advice. She had, she said, and the first time “felt weird, but then I really got into it.”

The first time?” I asked and she gave a dirty laugh. “Now I’ve seen how much he likes it, and I enjoy it too...” then she told me something else. She went to check that the list had been updated, and she found it in the trashcan instead. Those past experiences were cyphers now, no longer relevant to his fantasies, because he had the real thing in his bed. And I bet if she ever asked him about their first time, every detail would be preserved in his head, and all the girls before would be fading from memory already.

All, I would guess, apart from the first time.

You always remember the first time.


I recently had my first prostate orgasm in the presence of my wife. I was using toys, and she was just there, holding me. It was miraculous. As were the next three or four we enjoyed together, all in a row. For a moment, I thought I would cry, just from the intensity of it.



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