Between the ages of 15 and 20, I worked as a gas station attendant. Being a young female, I was admonished by many not to work in such a dangerous position, but at the time, it was all I had.
One night, I was scheduled to work the 2nd shift, but switched shifts with a girl with whom I attended school. That night, I got a call from someone saying she had been robbed. Needless to say I was shocked. What surprised me even further was she wasn’t alone in the store. Another girl was working with her at the time.
I reviewed the security tapes with her and watched a young man stick a pistol in her face. Instantly, I got a sick feeling in my stomach. That was supposed to be me. I was supposed to be the one with a gun on my cheek. I was overjoyed that she hadn't lost her life, and work went on as usual. I thought to myself, "At least she didn't get raped."
When I was working for that store, I was moved to an old store out in the woods while ours was being remodeled. One night, a man and his buddy came in and tried to get me to go outside with them. They were more persistent when I said, "No."
One man cornered me when I protested and tried to turn away. Just as the second man closed in on me, they were quickly run off when another cashier jumped the counter to get them away from me. A year later they came to the store that was remodeled and attempted to do the same thing.
That same year, we had a string of rapes in the neighborhood behind the store. We were forbidden from going outside at night, and we had a police escort when we had to. Eventually, the rapist was caught and we found out he was one of our regulars. You would think this would be enough reason for me to leave this particular industry. Unfortunately, I stayed for over 4 years.
As gas station attendants, you learn what signs to look out for. You either know by personal experience, or heed the experiences of your co-workers. Your gut and intuition make up the difference. We’re told not to fight back when they rob, and don’t let them get close enough to rape.
I can’t count how many times I was told that I shouldn’t work in a gas station. “It’s too dangerous for a young girl.” “You could get raped!” “Don’t they have guys to do this shift?” “You were lucky you didn’t get raped!”
Can’t we just call rape what it really is? It’s a crime of violence. It isn’t punishment! Rape is not a consequence for anything. Why do we treat it like it is?
There is something seriously wrong with our society when women have a common fear of being raped, and it’s considered normal. It took some time for me to notice women had these fears, and not men. The truth is both women and men get raped. But, you don’t hear parents telling their boys to buddy up or watch their drinks.
Growing up as a girl, you’re always warned by your elders the dangers of being alone at night.
The DOs: Stay in well-lit places, buddy up, be in before dark.
The DON’Ts: Don’t talk to strangers, don’t walk or work alone, and don’t be in all-male company.
The CONSEQUENCES: Robbery, assault, abduction, rape, or death.
Girls are taught don’t get raped. Boys aren’t taught don’t rape. It’s a crime that women fear on a regular basis. It doesn’t make sense for there to be consequences for doing everyday things. Because there are so-called consequences if someone violates the dos and don’ts, the act is pretty much decriminalized by society. It’s treated like it’s expected and normal; almost like it is natural. With one hand, we slap the wrists of the offenders, while we shake our fingers at the victims with the other.
We know most sexual offenses are committed by people we know, and not by strangers alone. We know that victims of sexual assault can be any age, any race, and any gender.
It's disheartening to know that my fears of being raped in those situations are common. I mean, it’s a concern shared by most women who work in gas stations. But isn't it sad when we just accept certain situations to have these outcomes? It’s just wrong on so many levels. One, that we have to feel fear of rape. Two, that we’re taught that rape is the outcome of our decisions. Three, that it happens at all!
When we treat rape as a consequence we promote fear in women, and offenders think it is justifiable. It isn’t justifiable! The point is it shouldn’t happen. If we keep decriminalizing it, and chalking it up to mere consequence, we’re going to see more of it.
If my friend hadn’t come to my rescue when the two men cornered me and I were raped, I feel the assault would have been reduced to the consequences of being a woman working alone late at night. You know, maybe if we turned the blame on the offender, and stopped treating the victims like crap, women could regain control of their lives and not have to live in fear.
One night, I was scheduled to work the 2nd shift, but switched shifts with a girl with whom I attended school. That night, I got a call from someone saying she had been robbed. Needless to say I was shocked. What surprised me even further was she wasn’t alone in the store. Another girl was working with her at the time.
I reviewed the security tapes with her and watched a young man stick a pistol in her face. Instantly, I got a sick feeling in my stomach. That was supposed to be me. I was supposed to be the one with a gun on my cheek. I was overjoyed that she hadn't lost her life, and work went on as usual. I thought to myself, "At least she didn't get raped."
When I was working for that store, I was moved to an old store out in the woods while ours was being remodeled. One night, a man and his buddy came in and tried to get me to go outside with them. They were more persistent when I said, "No."
One man cornered me when I protested and tried to turn away. Just as the second man closed in on me, they were quickly run off when another cashier jumped the counter to get them away from me. A year later they came to the store that was remodeled and attempted to do the same thing.
That same year, we had a string of rapes in the neighborhood behind the store. We were forbidden from going outside at night, and we had a police escort when we had to. Eventually, the rapist was caught and we found out he was one of our regulars. You would think this would be enough reason for me to leave this particular industry. Unfortunately, I stayed for over 4 years.
As gas station attendants, you learn what signs to look out for. You either know by personal experience, or heed the experiences of your co-workers. Your gut and intuition make up the difference. We’re told not to fight back when they rob, and don’t let them get close enough to rape.
I can’t count how many times I was told that I shouldn’t work in a gas station. “It’s too dangerous for a young girl.” “You could get raped!” “Don’t they have guys to do this shift?” “You were lucky you didn’t get raped!”
Can’t we just call rape what it really is? It’s a crime of violence. It isn’t punishment! Rape is not a consequence for anything. Why do we treat it like it is?
There is something seriously wrong with our society when women have a common fear of being raped, and it’s considered normal. It took some time for me to notice women had these fears, and not men. The truth is both women and men get raped. But, you don’t hear parents telling their boys to buddy up or watch their drinks.
Growing up as a girl, you’re always warned by your elders the dangers of being alone at night.
The DOs: Stay in well-lit places, buddy up, be in before dark.
The DON’Ts: Don’t talk to strangers, don’t walk or work alone, and don’t be in all-male company.
The CONSEQUENCES: Robbery, assault, abduction, rape, or death.
Girls are taught don’t get raped. Boys aren’t taught don’t rape. It’s a crime that women fear on a regular basis. It doesn’t make sense for there to be consequences for doing everyday things. Because there are so-called consequences if someone violates the dos and don’ts, the act is pretty much decriminalized by society. It’s treated like it’s expected and normal; almost like it is natural. With one hand, we slap the wrists of the offenders, while we shake our fingers at the victims with the other.
We know most sexual offenses are committed by people we know, and not by strangers alone. We know that victims of sexual assault can be any age, any race, and any gender.
It's disheartening to know that my fears of being raped in those situations are common. I mean, it’s a concern shared by most women who work in gas stations. But isn't it sad when we just accept certain situations to have these outcomes? It’s just wrong on so many levels. One, that we have to feel fear of rape. Two, that we’re taught that rape is the outcome of our decisions. Three, that it happens at all!
When we treat rape as a consequence we promote fear in women, and offenders think it is justifiable. It isn’t justifiable! The point is it shouldn’t happen. If we keep decriminalizing it, and chalking it up to mere consequence, we’re going to see more of it.
If my friend hadn’t come to my rescue when the two men cornered me and I were raped, I feel the assault would have been reduced to the consequences of being a woman working alone late at night. You know, maybe if we turned the blame on the offender, and stopped treating the victims like crap, women could regain control of their lives and not have to live in fear.
Good job! We've come a long way from where we were just a few decades ago, but I agree this assumption is so pervasive it's hardly questioned.
Thank you!
I think the best point you made here is your statement that rape is a crime of violence. And taking that a little bit further my own worry for you, had I known you all those years you worked at the gas station, would have been simply that you worked at a dangerous place. Period. I sure wouldn't have wanted my own kids to work anywhere violent crime of any type was likely. Great job on the article!
Thank you!
" Boys aren’t taught don’t rape." I am so sick of this trope. Yes, boys are. Rape doesn't happen by accident. Rape doesn't happen because of ignorance. Rape is a deliberate choice by somebody to engage in sexual activity with somebody without their consent. Rape is a premeditated CRIME.
EVERYBODY knows it's wrong. Two year olds are taught that they shouldn't stick their fingers up their classmates nose without their permission, so 22 year olds know the same rules apply with their penises.
Aside from that, great article!
I applaud your folks for specifically teaching you "son, don't rape" unfortunately though we think this is common sense to all it clearly isn't emphasized as much as you might think. Since Highschool I have done some volunteer work with my local rape crisis centers and you do not know how many times an advocate, such as I was, heard a family member, spouse, or friend, (or even a doctor!) place blame on the victim for basically "knowing better than to...." be, wear, or do whatever it was before the crime took place. There is shame placed on many victims and fear of shame, if there weren't we'd see more than 54% of victims report their rapes. "Everybody" may know it is wrong but educating our society, kids (boys and girls), parents, law enforcement, and teachers on the Facts about rape won't hurt in fact I believe it will make a difference. I know at least in my generation the girls were watched more closely than the boys and the girls had tighter curfews than the boys did, and rape wasn't something that was talked about. The only implication of it in my peer group was a clear consensus that girls should be more careful and avoid certain things, and boys will be boys. I can't speak for most people and I don't claim that I do, I'm speaking from my perspective of my youth, teenage years, early adult years, and time spent with the crisis centers. In general, the emphasis on rape prevention is mostly placed on the ladies, not the gents. I think that is changing. Thanks for reading, Glad you liked It!
This is such an important message to get out and I think that we can't hear it enough. Thanks for this article.
I agree, thanks so much!