Society » Sexuality, Humor: "The Nice Girl's Guide To The One Night Stand - Part One: The Pick-up"

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The Nice Girl's Guide To The One Night Stand - Part One: The Pick-up
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There’s a lot of literature out there telling guys how to pick up girls. In the first half of a two-part article, we talk about what the girl needs to do to while he’s actually doing the picking.

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Picking up a girl... or a guy... is all about saying and doing the right things. The art of being picked up is all about precisely the same. Except, whereas the would-be picker is throwing out ever more fascinating comments, and racking his (or her) brain to come up with even more, the potentially picked is... well, she’s not quite deflecting them. However, if you can imagine her standing behind an invisible force field, even the bon-nest mot can do no more than hit the wall, then drop to the floor, not so far from her feet that she can’t surreptitiously study it, but not so close that she is visibly clutching it to her breast. You could call it indulgent indifference.

He mentions a possible mutual interest; she neither acknowledges or dismisses the assumption. He asks the kind of music she likes; she smiles and then baffles him with non-committal allure. “It depends what I’m doing” is always a good one, because it opens the door to so many possibilities, few of which he will be confident to broach.

Body language is crucial. You can learn a lot about a guy from the way he holds himself when he’s hoping to make a good impression. Is he shy? Is he brash? Does he think he’s irresistible? Did he remember to use a deodorant this evening?

The thing is, if he’s paying attention and not allowing his loins to do all his thinking, he is probably learning a lot about you, too. The way you keep your distance, yet are not so far away that he needs to speak loudly. The way you maintain eye contact, but not so devoutly that you haven’t checked out what he’s wearing -- or how well he wears it. Also, the way you ever so gently touched his hand when he graciously lit your cigarette, assuming you smoke. If you don’t - well, you’ll have to find another way of making that all-important, but so innocent first contact.

Who is he? We all know, because we all do it, the person who is trying to make a good impression is often quite unlike the person who is actually on the inside. Embarrassing personal habits are subverted, inappropriate sentiments, and nerd-ish fascinations are left at home. A good picker-upper should aspire to be the most fascinating guy you’ve talked to all evening. And you, because you are playing the same game of hide-and-seek with your natural persona, should aspire to be the most unattainable goddess he has ever set eyes on.

At least to a point, anyway. Even the most faithful hound needs to be thrown a bone on occasion, and here it comes.

“Shall we dance?” he asks, and you resist the temptation to say “I thought we already were.” Okay, we’re assuming we’re in a nightclub here, or at least some place where other people are dancing. Other situations demand other responses, but all the way, in every way, he’s the one who must take the lead; he’s the one who is doing the work. Yes, we could go off on a tangent here and talk about how the modern girl is all about taking control, but what that really means is we flip-flop the roles that the current scenario has assigned. Besides, sometimes it’s nice to just sit back and be vague.

Where were we? Dancing. Slow dancing. How did that happen? Damn the DJ.

Remember when you were younger, and boys used to talk about “bases”? How Jimmy got to first base, and Jerry got to second, and we would tut and grumble, discussing their immaturity (the adolescent girl’s favorite word!), while deep down wishing that someone had got to second base with us. This is kind of the same thing, only on a far more lavish scale. First base is when he initially shows his interest, by coming over to talk at the outset. Second base is when you make that first body contact, when he escorts you onto the dance floor... or stands behind you in the moshpit. Or in the crowd at the bar, or however you arrange it.

And third base? Third base is when he is pressed up against you and, through the fabric of his pants, you discover just how interested he really is. Which, in turn, often determines precisely how the rest of the evening is going to pan out.

No! No, I am not saying you’re going to go home with him just because he pressed his hard-on against your thigh. I’m saying you’ve reached that point where you know in your own mind whether his reaction to the situation is along the same lines as your own, and it may well be that that sudden contact is what prompts you to make your excuses and leave.

Or maybe you want to take the investigation a little further, so you nestle yourself against him with just enough firmness (and an inadvertent wriggle) to ensure that he notices. And yes, you can generally tell if he does notice. Twitch. However, when he inclines his head to kiss you, which he will now invariably do, you ensure that your lips are just a little out of range, and see how he reacts to that.

You can keep this going all night -- which, if he continues to play his cards right, you will. However, we will leave our lesson at that point for now, with everything still hanging on the thread of unspoken promises. In part two, we will talk about how to behave once he’s got you home.

Assuming he does.

Assuming you don’t take him back to your place.

Also assuming... no, we’ll leave that for next time, too.

To be continued.



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