Humor » Satire; Sex » Couples: "The Top 40 Completely Fucked-Up Things People Are Thinking While They’re Having Sex With You"

EdenFantasys Store

The Top 40 Completely Fucked-Up Things People Are Thinking While They’re Having Sex With You

The Top 40 Completely Fucked-Up Things People Are Thinking While They’re Having Sex With You
  •    
  • Print
  • E-mail
Last week there was a buzz on Twitter when everyone started sharing the thoughts they have most often during sex. It was bizarre and completely unsettling. And also very educational in that you should make your teenagers read it so they don’t get pregnant because honestly after reading this I’m not sure *I* ever want to have sex again.

  Top 40 Completely Fucked-Up Things People Are Apparently Thinking While They’re Having Sex With You

• I hope she doesn't think I'm staying the night.

• I hope I don’t cry afterward.

• I hope I don't puncture my bouncy castle.

• I hope he doesn’t ask me to say his name because I already forgot it.

• I hope I don’t fart.

• Did she just fart?!

• What the fuck is he doing?

• Is this car still in drive?

• Why are you choking me?

• Is that a camera?

• Why am I fucking you?

• Did I leave the stove on?

• What color should I paint my room?

• I wonder if she notices my titties bouncing as hard as hers?

• I wonder if he heard me say Mike's name?

• Why would he think *that* feels good?

• I wish he’d move his head so I could see the TV.

• Just keep swimming, just keep swimming.

• Well this is disappointing.

• Please don’t keep trying to kiss me.

Who the fuck is Mike?

• Stop screaming or you’ll wake my parents up.

• IT’S A PONY!

• I should have just bought new batteries.

• Hmm…her right one is bigger than the left.

• If he asks me one more time if its big enough I'm gonna tell him the truth.

• Does she always cry this much?

• Ring ring ring ring ring ring ring? Banana phone.

• It looked better in his gym shorts.

• It's been a good 20 minutes. Time to fake a small orgasm.

• Did I push “record”?

• I'M NAKED!!

• If another drop of your sweat hits me in my face, it’s over.

• They need to stop playing all these STD commercials.

• I can do this all day as long as she just doesn't turn around.

• Please stop talking to me.

• My ex was better.

• His sister was better.

• His electric toothbrush was better.

• I could be watching "The Golden Girls" right now.

• Beautiful. This is really scratching my rash.

• That’s not me, dude. That’s the pillow.

• Did I just orgasm or pee? Either way he seemed impressed.

Our Top Stories Being Recommended on Facebook

Comments

Just keep swimming, just keep swimming.

That is Just Fantastic!

02/11/2012

Forum

Discussion Last Post Category
Fucked up Sex Thoughts [39] Nov.21, 2010
advertisement

Interviews with The Bloggess

  • Most people know Jenny as The Bloggess, a prolific writer with a sense of humor and style that many are scrambling to imitate. How does a woman who hides in the bathroom at most blogger conferences and muses on clown porn get to be an online sensation?

    Jenny is a columnist, blogger, mom and comedian. Her personal blog, [http://thebloggess.com/|thebloggess.com], is extremely popular and has developed a cult following, according to Marie Claire Magazine. She’s been a regular contributor to the online Houston Chronicle since 2006 and also writes a popular advice column for PNN and a satirical sex column for [http://www.edenfantasys.com/sexis/columns/the-bloggess/|SexIs Magazine]. Jenny has been the keynote speaker at major conferences, as well as featured on countless sites including Salon.com and MSNBC; and Gawker once referred to her as an "interesting psycho". She prefers the term "creative visionary". Jenny suggests you ask her about how she gets her hair so shiny, or what’s wrong with her. But we know that’s a wig, and there’s nothing wrong with Jenny – she created a pitch perfect style that grabs readers, and keeps them. Whether inadvertently mobilizing the Bloggess Army, going to [http://www.edenfantasys.com/sexis/adult-humor/bloggess-does-japan4-110691/|Japan] on a sex culture / geisha mission of sorts, interviewing [http://www.edenfantasys.com/sexis/adult-humor/bloggess-nina-hartley-best-friend-0204101/|porn stars], giving sex advice, or relating the hilarious arguments she has with [http://thebloggess.com/?p=5168|her husband], The Bloggess has us hooked. Join us in learning more about this unpredictable funny lady.

     Read full interview

What's Hot

Sexis in your inbox

Keep up on new articles, projects, columns and more