The Steel Clit: A How-To On Dealing With A Stubborn Clitoris

Before I even begin, I'd like to explain something. I use entirely gender-neutral terms because not everyone who has a clitoris is a woman. I'm a transsexual Female to Male who happens to enjoy vaginal stimulation, which isn't terribly uncommon, so I'd like to include my fellow trans, genderfluid, genderqueer, agender and other friends as well as all of you ladies with clitorises in this article!

The Steel Clitoris is a term used to describe an insensitive clitoris that's difficult to reach orgasm with. It's not a lot of fun to sit there and stimulate yourself for 20, 30, maybe even 60+ minutes just to get a less-than-great orgasm, or even get frustrated and quit before it even happens! So how do you deal with a stubborn clit that just won't give you that incredible orgasm you're striving for?

First, know your anatomy. The clitoris isn't just the little nub under your hood, there's "legs" to it that extend around your vaginal opening. Your clitoris preforms better when you stimulate more than just the head! Just like a penis, a clitoris has a glans or head where the majority of the nerves are centered, and they branch off from there. Focusing on just the head of a penis may cause an orgasm, but it's easier to achieve and more pleasurable when you pay attention to the rest as well. Clits are the same. Try stimulating the outer areas of your vagina as well as the opening. Your clitoris will respond happily. Try alternating between rubbing the legs of your clitoris (around the outer area of your vagina) and the head instead of just focusing on the head.

Second, know your anatomy more! The clitoris doesn't only respond to itself getting stimulated, but it will also respond when you stimulate the rest of your erogenous areas. Try simultaneously stimulating your clitoris and G-spot; you may notice that it's more sensitive and easier to achieve orgasm than when you're not only stimulating your clitoris. The vaginal opening is also very sensitive and can play a big role in helping you orgasm. Stimulating all three (with a partner or with toys) brings "full" feeling orgasms, since you're exciting all of those nerves at once. Don't forget anal play. If you like anal stimulation it can also be a big help. A vibrating butt plug put in place during sex or play time is just one more erogenous zone stimulated, meaning even better orgasms! If your nipples are sensitive (which unfortunately mine are not), you may like to apply nipple toys like suckers, clamps, vibrators and teasers to help you along as well. Reaching an orgasm isn't just about your clitoris. Don’t ignore the rest of your erogenous nerves!

Third, know what kind of motion excites your clitoris. With many people, vibrations are the ultimate stimulation. Some don't like it and instead prefer the natural movement of fingers. Some need circular motion, some need back-and-fourth, some need pressure, some need light teasing, and some need powerful vibrations. Find out what you prefer. If fingers don't do it for you, try some different toys! Eden is full of toys that vibrate, so you're very much in luck if that's what you need. Choose a vibrator, a rumbly egg, or a buzzy bullet, and figure out if what kind of play you need. Some people need a lot of pressure to press the vibrations against their clit and keep it there until orgasm. Some need movement combined with the vibration. Some need the light flicking that "rabbit ears" can provide. Some need pinpoint sharp toys to direct the vibrations to specific spots. Eden carries every type imaginable, and there are plenty of reviews to help you pick what you need. If reviews don't help, try visiting your local sex shop and testing out a few different types, since it's a bit difficult to tell the difference between "rumbly" and "buzzy" just from descriptions. If you don't care for vibrations but it's just too much work to get off using your fingers, a toy like the Eroscillator may be exactly what you need.

Instead of vibrating, the Eroscillator oscillates, mimicking the movement of your fingers during masturbation for a more natural feeling. There are two versions: the Eroscillator and the Eroscillator deluxe (which comes with more attachments). There is also a separate "soft finger" attachment if you don't care for the hard ones they come with.

Fourth, if you still have a hard time getting off, you may need some sort of blood flow enhancement to help you out. This can range from simply a minty tingly lubricant, to a daily clit pumping session to encourage growth and sensitivity. Eden carries a wide variety of items listed under "clit gel", "arousal cream", "clitoral stimulant" and so on that chemically stimulate the clitoris with tingling sensations, warming sensations and increased blood flow. These are hit-or-miss. They work for some and not others. If those don't do it for you, try a clit pump! Clitoral pumps are really wonderful things. They temporarily increase the size and blood flow to the clit making it more sensitive. Many people will find it considerably easier to orgasm after using a clit pump! Some clit pumps vibrate for stimulation DURING pumping while some are solely pumps. Nipple suckers can be used as cheap light clitoral pumps if you're interested but afraid that a straight out pump may be too intense for you.

Last, if you're still having problems, consider some testosterone cream. This is coming from an FtM who has done extensive research and has seen the results first hand. Testosterone isn't just for men and FtMs. It can help female bodies gain sensitivity (and increased sex drive and increased energy) by encouraging growth of the clitoris. Using testosterone cream in low doses won't give you a beard or a low voice, so don't fret. Creams and testosterone treatments encourage clitoral growth, increasing sensitivity and blood flow that can make it considerably easy to orgasm! Some creams are applied directly to the clitoris, which are the ones you'll want to look for since they'll encourage the most growth. You can order low dose creams online (but make sure to discuss it with your doctor first, especially if you have liver problems or high cholesterol) or get a prescription. Of course, if you can avoid messing with your hormones, use other options.

If you have an insensitive clit, don't be ashamed. It's entirely normal, though not exactly the most fun sometimes. Many people with insensitive clits can't get off by stimulation from other people, so don't feel guilty if your partner can't get you off! Make sure they know it's not their fault too. Many people get discouraged or even embarrassed when they feel that they can't make their partner orgasm. There's no shame in stimulating yourself, either with fingers or toys, during sex or other stimulation involving a partner. You are not alone, you are not a freak, and there is NOTHING wrong with you! Don't get discouraged, just figure out what you need, talk about it, and explore all of your options. That mind blowing orgasm is just waiting for you to figure it out!