How to Introduce Sex Toys to a Partner Who’s Intimidated By Them
Introducing sex toys to a partner can feel a bit scary sometimes - especially if they seem hesitant. Talking about sex toys doesn’t have to be awkward or intimidating. With the right approach, you can normalize sex toys in your relationship and turn a potentially awkward moment into something exciting.
Figuring out how to use se toys together can be a bonding, intimate moment - but you gotta do all the right steps first.
- Start the conversation in a way that feels casual and low-pressure
- Choose words that invite curiosity, not defensiveness
- Focus on how sex toys in relationships enhance connection - not replace it
- Emphasize shared pleasure to avoid feelings of inadequacy
- Use playful, non-threatening suggestions to ease into it
What Makes Your Partner "Scared" Of Sex Toys?
Short answer is nothing. Most people aren’t scared of silicone - they’re scared of what it represents. For some, a sex toy can trigger deeper worries:
- “Am I not good enough in bed?”
- “Are you trying to replace me?”
- “What if I don’t know how to use it and mess everything up?”
6 Tips to Begin Using Sex Toys Into Your Relationship
These are the smartest, softest, most considerate steps you should undertake to make your parnet feel comfortable about using sex toys together.
The best time? When you’re already feeling connected. Maybe after cuddling or during a lazy Sunday hang.
Try saying:
“Can I tell you something I’ve been curious about? Nothing serious - just wondering.”
It’s casual, low-pressure, and invites them in - instead of cornering them.
Try: “Do you think it’d be fun for us to try something new together?”
Now it’s about both of you - and suddenly, it’s not so scary. This approach helps normalize sex toys in relationships as a shared experience.
Then go: “Have you ever thought about that for us?”
No pressure. Here, you're just planting a seed and talking about the concept, which feels a lot less intimidating.
Try something chill and couple-friendly:
1. A silky blindfold
2. A vibrating ring
3. A massage candle
4. A massage wand vibrator
These are leeway toys, gateway toys, perfect beginner toys that are not sex toys in their full-blown potential, but helpers, something that helps you unfold your shared sexual experience.
“This isn’t because something’s wrong. I just think it could be something fun for us to explore.”
Make it clear that you’re not trying to fix anything. You’re making space for more intimacy - and offering sex as a fun new possibility, not because you're disappointed or lacking something in your relationship.
Try: “We don’t have to decide anything now. But if you ever want to, I found some things that I think would work for us.”
This way, you're not making a demand - you're opening a door for them.
Best Couple Sex Toys to Introduce to Your Partner
Bringing partner sex toys into your relationship will deepen intimacy - but for a partner who’s never tried them, it might feel a little intimidating. The trick is to keep it low-pressure and choose beginner toys that feel fun, not overwhelming.
Finger Vibrators
A finger vibrator feels like an extension of your hand. It’s small, discreet, and great for enhancing foreplay or gentle clitoral stimulation.
Vibrating Cock Rings
A cock ring is worn during sex and adds vibration for both partners. It enhances connection and pleasure without feeling complicated or intimidating - it's a subtle addition that will make both of you feel good and doesn't require any special actions.
App Control Vibrators
Funnily enough, despite being quite high-tech and intricate, app control vibrators are usually one of the best sex toys for first-time users, because they feel so much like a game.
Rose Vibrators
Cute, powerful, and not at all intimidating, the TikTok-famous rose vibrator offers gentle suction for focused clit pleasure without any “scary” features.
Beginner Butt Plugs
If you’re both curious about anal play and if anal sex is something you are both ready to explore, a small, smooth anal plug is an absolute must-have. In fact, it's better to hold off exploring anal sex before you warm up with a beginner plug.
Blindfolds or Basic Bondage
If you are both into sensory play and submission and domination dynamics is something that excited you both, dipping your toys with beginner bondage might be an excellent idea. Just remember the three holy grails of kinky play: safe, sane, consensual.
Couple's Massage Essentials
Sometimes the best place to start isn’t any sex toy - it’s touch. A session of erotic massage relaxes, unwinds, and gets your body ready - it's the best foreplay. Adding a prop or two to your massage will feel natural and like a stepping stone to more complex things.
3 Rules For Picking Beginner Sex Toys To Your Partner
The recs on top are just that - reccomendations. You can pick anything that works for your couple, something that makes you curious or what you know your partner is going to love. However, these are 3 general rules to follow when you're picking se toys to introduce to your partner who's unsure.
Toys that closely resemble real anatomy can make some people feel awkward or self-conscious. They might trigger unnecessary comparisons or insecurities.
Instead, go for: toys with abstract shapes or soft, playful designs that focus purely on pleasure - not imitation.
Super intense toys with multiple functions and maxed-out settings might unintentionally send the message that your partner isn’t doing enough.
Stick with: simple, beginner-friendly toys that enhance what you're already enjoying together - without taking over.
The best intro toys are ones that don’t require a manual (or a Wi-Fi connection).
Keep things low-pressure and intuitive to build comfort and confidence.
Great beginner options: Small vibrators, appr control vibrators, beginner BDSM toys and erotic massage essentials.
Let Pop Culture Help You Out
If there is a show or a movie that features sex toys, a couple who is a little bit afraid but interested in sex toys WILL watch it. And that is your chance.
If you’re watching a show and a toy appears (hello, Sex Education, Girls, Insecure), use that as a jumping-off point. You don’t need a TED Talk - just a simple:
“That was kind of hot, yeah?”
It plants a seed. It makes it normal, casual, and part of the world around you - not something you pulled from a secret fantasy vault.
Things People Are Most Worried About When Introducing Sex Toys To Their Partners
These are the most common concerns and questions people have when they are deciding if they are ready to use sex toys together. I promise you, there was a couple with the same questions as the ones you are having.
What if they think I’m unhappy with our sex life?
Are there any “safest” toys to start with?
What if I want to keep exploring and they’re just… not into it?
Can we just go to a sex shop together?
Why Trust Matters More Than the Sex Toys?
Since we are recommending toys here, it might not be obvious from the first read, but it must be. Nothing matters more than open communication. No amount of "right" or "wrong" sex toy choices will solve your conundrum if there is no conversation happening.
When you bring up sex toys, you’re not just suggesting a new experience. You’re saying: “I trust you enough to talk about what I enjoy - and I care enough to learn what you enjoy, too.”
If your partner feels unsure or hesitant, that’s completely normal. Trying something new can be vulnerable. What matters most isn’t whether they say yes right away - it’s that you made space for a respectful, grown-up conversation about sex.
In the end, a sex toy is just a tool. Real intimacy comes from trust, communication, and the willingness to explore pleasure together - at your own pace.