Is is D/s that you're interested in specifically? Or is it pain play? They're two different things, even though they often come together. It sounds like the D/s portion may not really be what either of you are looking for.

If you decide to play again, make sure you have discussed what will happen PRIOR and have a safeword set for if things get too out of control. I don't know what activities you tried, but scale them back. You first experiences don't need to be the ones where you're getting whips cracked and being called every name under the sun. Everything in time, you know? I'd also maybe have some time where you try pain play but WITHOUT the D/s dynamic. I'm thinking that might be more up your alley. Again, safeword and start out slow.

I'm also gonna echo MissMori. Being a Dom, even if only for an hour, must be exhausting - physically and mentally. If you love your sub and you have them weeping at your feet, well, that takes a hell of a strong person. At my husband's request (he is my M/D) I tied him up once. It was incredibly awkward for me as the little s in the relationship. It's just not in my nature to be that way. If your husband is a natural sub in life, being a Dom in the bedroom may either a) take a LOT of time or b) just not be possible. I've dated my share of guys that were nice and all, but couldn't dominate me properly. In your relationship, the D/s element will likely get kicked out in favor of the marriage. For me, the D/s element is key and a big part of why I married my husband. It takes a certain type of person to be able to do the Dom thing. Not everyone can just jump in those shoes during playtime.

I know you posted this nearly a month ago and hopefully you have found a way to make this work (or not) in your relationship.

I agree with other posters that you can enoy the pain without the domination and that may be what works for you. You didn't meantion what upset you. Was it something he physically did or was it something he said??? That may help you figure things out. I am the s in our D/s relationship and love it all, but I also freak out if I can't breathe or feel that I can't breathe. I tried to work through it one time (husband had me tied up, face down and was on top of me (doggy style), there was a pillow near my head and even though I could breathe I panicked. I ended up freaking out instead of working through it. My husband was like, "WHY didn't you tell me???" I told him I was trying to work through it and he mumbled something like "nut job" under his breath. haha Now, if I am not tied up he will throw the pillows off the bed before I turn over or if I am tied up he will turn me so we are on the bed sideways and my head is slightly hanging off the bed.

My point is, talk it out. There may be a way to make it work. I also recommend not one, but TWO safe words. Especially when trying something new. One is a caution word. It lets your husband know to slow down, give you a chance to adjust to what is going on, etc... the other is the cease/stop word. If you say that word he stops what he is doing immediately. For us, I am pretty simple. I use "wait" for my caution word and simply "stop" for my safe word, but those are words I would never use during "play time". I say/yell "no" a lot, but he knows that I don't really mean it and keeps going, but if I ever say wait, he pauses and lets me say "okay" before he keeps going. I rarely say "stop", but that is more due to the fact that he knows me and how to push me to where he wants me to go.

You have been together a long time! This doesn't have to happen over night. Be patient. Good luck!