The New Intimacy

BDSM and marriage?

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Contributor: SexScienceAndFood SexScienceAndFood
Often, D/s relationships are just that. It's not too common for BDSM to cross over strongly into a marriage, although elements certainly do for some to spice up the sexlife.

For you married folk that also enjoy elements of BDSM, how do you integrate one with the other? Do you just do bring elements like cuffs and paddles just during sex times, or do you try and maintain the D/s relationship outside the bedroom? What works for you and doesn't work?
09/02/2014
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Contributor: OH&W, Lovebears OH&W, Lovebears
Quote:
Originally posted by SexScienceAndFood
Often, D/s relationships are just that. It's not too common for BDSM to cross over strongly into a marriage, although elements certainly do for some to spice up the sexlife.

For you married folk that also enjoy elements of BDSM, how do you ... more
maybe some light light activity for foreplay, usually much much earlier in the day. Way before sex. none of that blindfolding, bondage or serious stuff though. Light spice is nice.
09/02/2014
Contributor: LoveReImagined LoveReImagined
Quote:
Originally posted by SexScienceAndFood
Often, D/s relationships are just that. It's not too common for BDSM to cross over strongly into a marriage, although elements certainly do for some to spice up the sexlife.

For you married folk that also enjoy elements of BDSM, how do you ... more
My husband is very shy for some reason so we haven't gotten into very much. He does spank me, pull my hair, and does some light choking to me very often. With that being said..he is still very much the submissive in the marriage. I'm in control of the kids, whole house and budget, while he is out making the money. I think he loves the few moments of bravery he has to control me because that's the only time he actually has control of me. If he ever tries to control anything outside of the bedroom, it never works out well. I'm the dominant outside of the bedroom who wants her submissive husband to be dominant in bed...and ONLY bed.
09/03/2014
Contributor: SailorJulyxo SailorJulyxo
To be quite honest, most people into BDSM / kink are in a relationship as well. Anyway! My wife and I have been married for 7 years (we started our D/s relationship on our honeymoon) and together for 10. We're 24/7 D/s, Domme-ing and subbing for each other.

I would happily love her and be with her no matter what, however we both feel that D/s goes far beyond marriage and it's the most beautiful relationship.
09/18/2014
Contributor: Tony Conrad Tony Conrad
I love my wife spanking me but it does nothing for her. There's no domination or punishment but the spanking is nice and she is comfortable doing it.

I think it gets weird outside of the marriage relationship but I believe sex belongs only in marriage anyway.
09/22/2014
Contributor: Aesenthia Aesenthia
Quote:
Originally posted by SexScienceAndFood
Often, D/s relationships are just that. It's not too common for BDSM to cross over strongly into a marriage, although elements certainly do for some to spice up the sexlife.

For you married folk that also enjoy elements of BDSM, how do you ... more
I'm not married, but for me BDSM is so important to me that I wouldn't want to be in a relationship without it. My boyfriend and I are pretty serious, though we are waiting to go to the next step of our relationship because the time is not right. He helps me on so many levels and we have already discussed how to integrate many aspects of BDSM into our daily lives. He makes sure I am adequately hydrated, that I am meditating before bed, and many other things. I've heard of married couples who are into D/s where the dominant picks out the under things for the submissive. We found just the right level of BDSM and we're both quite happy, I hope it carries over into marriage and we find more ways for him to help me be the best person I can be.
09/27/2014
Contributor: symbol symbol
My husband and I sometimes engage in a bit of light spanking or use cuffs or other restraints. Sometimes there might also be a bit of wrestling, biting, or one of us might pin the other down.

For me, I was never really interested in a 24/7 D/s relationship so I haven't really made an effort to introduce D/s elements to my marriage outside the bedroom. It's something that we engage in every once in a while for fun.

As far as BDSM outside the bedroom goes, I do attend play parties and local kink events. Sometimes I'll negotiate a scene with someone else there. This has been a nice way for me to explore some kinks that my husband isn't really interested in as well as have some fantastic scenes and experiences with other kinky people.

That said, people certainly can and do have marriages that involve a 24/7 D/s dynamic. It all depends on what you're looking for and what you and your partner are comfortable with.
09/29/2014
Contributor: Vnessa Vnessa
Quote:
Originally posted by SailorJulyxo
To be quite honest, most people into BDSM / kink are in a relationship as well. Anyway! My wife and I have been married for 7 years (we started our D/s relationship on our honeymoon) and together for 10. We're 24/7 D/s, Domme-ing and subbing for ... more
My husband and I have a few years on you and your wife in the marriage dept This is a topic I have been trying to get more information on for my own personal growth. The more I learn about BDSM and D/S the more certain things are starting to make sense about myself. We have always done light play here and there for fun but I think I may actually need more. At what point did you and your wife decide to go for d/S and how did you even know where to begin? I'm a little worried about what my husband will think so I need to approach him in just the right way. I don't want him to feel like our lives have been inadequate. This is just me putting my puzzle pieces together finally. It's something I want us to try, if he is able, to see if it completes me. If you guys have guidance for a new couple it would be great!
12/07/2014