False dilemma. Just because something isn't safe, doesn't make it abuse. Lack of informed consent is what makes an activity abuse.

I wouldn't say it's safe at all, but as long as everyone involved consents it's certainly not abuse.

Safe is a relative term. Is it "safe" in an absolute sense, where there's no risk? No, even when done correctly, it's always possible that something could go wrong (and you have to know what to do if that happens). But do the benefits outweigh the risks? Well honestly, that's going to depend a lot on your own personal preferences and level of risk acceptance or aversion. Whatever the case, if you do breath play, NEVER do it solo, make sure you know what you're doing, and have a safe gesture/sound.

As for the abuse part, no, consensual activities undertaken by risk-aware individuals do not constitute abuse.

This is an area of Risk Awareness. Do not attempt to choke yourself alone. That is truly unsafe. Both you and your partner should do research and attend classes or talk to someone with experience before play. Engaging in dangerous activities isn't abusive. Forcing them on someone is. If everybody wants to play then its ok. That doesn't mean it's safe. You absolutely can go too far with choking, so research before you start testing limits.

I'm going to add my voice to the 'not abuse' crowd. Like CreamySweet said, consenting adults are not abusing each other, and people need to stop worrying about what those consenting adults do in their bedrooms with each other. I like to be spanked with a belt, sometimes to the point of bruising, having my hair pulled, and even being bitten in the heat of passion, hard enough to leave a bruise. But my lover isn't abusing me--he knows I like it, and before we got into that kind of sex play, I told him specifically that I like it and want him to do it to me. That's why we have safe words--I control how rough he can be with me, because I can stop it all with one word if it gets to be too much, or I'm not in the mood for it.

The same goes for choking--it's not abuse if it's wanted, but it is risky. I like it when he fucks me with a firm grip on my throat, but he doesn't restrict my breathing at all--it's too easy to go too far with that. Besides, I just want the possessive hand grasping my neck--I don't want to be unable to breathe, fun though I hear it can be.

It's only abuse if it's non-consensual.

It's also not safe.



I love hands on my neck. But only in a very trusting, loving, sober situation.

It's not abuse if you consent to it. And it may not be 100% safe, but there are things you can do that make it safer, like only doing it with a partner you trust.

I love breath play but only when its done in a safe and trusting environment. My parter needs to be able to make eye contact with me and needs to be very familiar with the way I tap out. Breath play only becomes abusive for me when the boundaries I've set out are violated.

I enjoy puting my hands on a womans throat but I would never want to restrict any air flow. I enjoy the feeling that she trusts me enough to hold her by a very vulnerable spot. I also like hands on my neck but I do not think that geting choked out is very sexy.

It's never going to be 100% without risks but if the proper precautions and research is done beforehand you are closer to the "safe" mark. Hell having sex in the tub or with your head off the edge of the bed isn't completely safe. Just like everything else there are risks but if you educate yourself then enjoy!

As far as the abuse thing goes, absolutely not abuse as long as both consent to it and the person doing the choking has complete knowledge and control of their strength. I do think a safe signal is better though, in the event that you need them to stop immediately you might have a problem speaking especially if you can't breathe. A very clear hand signal or something should be established.

Adding my two cents.... if 2 consenting adults discuss and agree to the terms of their play then it is not abuse. Abuse is when you fight with your SO and they get angry, grab you buy the throat and try to choke the living daylights out of you. The same could be twisted and said about my relationship with my husband. Grabbing someone by the hair, shoving them to their knees and shoving your cock in thir mouths can be construde as abuse, but for me...I would rather be no where else. See what I am saying? Perspective. On the other part of the question. It can be dangerous and like the other posters I think it is something that should be researched.

If you both consent, and the person choking knows how to choke without causing harm, then it's fine

As long as you completely trust each other. And know what you're doing then it's fine. Just make sure that you start light and learn your boundaries. Watch your partner.