The New Intimacy

Consentual Non-Consent [TW: Rape]

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Contributor: SubmissiveFeminist SubmissiveFeminist
I am very much an activist for sexual assault awareness, and I am a survivor of two sexual assaults in my short lifetime. However, I'm also a very submissive individual when I am in a comfortable situation.

With my last partner, I did engage in "consensual non-consent," which is essentially play-rape. At first, I was really cautious to try this, but in a short time I had no issues with it and was not triggered by it. Being held down while actively fighting him off was a normal activity for us. I would scream and fight and he would basically have his way with me by overpowering me (which took no acting to achieve) or restraining me.

Obviously, I could not do this with a stranger, but I still feel weird for being able to do so in ANY situation...

I want to know your feelings on this. Would you engage in it? Would you do it if your partner asked? Mostly, I'd love to get feedback from other survivors and their experiences with this topic.
03/14/2012
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Contributor: BobbiJay BobbiJay
I have fantasys about this. I have yet to fulfill them because I haven't found anyone I can trust yet.
03/14/2012
Contributor: blixa blixa
I'm a survivor also; I've yet to find a partner I'd trust enough to give this a shot with, but if it was the fantasy of one of my partners I would give it a shot. I'm not sure what I'd be more comfortable with, giving or receiving, as it were -- I'd be worried about accidentally making things too real and spoiling the scene.
03/14/2012
Contributor: Pixel Pixel
I'm a survivor, and this is a type of play I engage in with my Sir, and I love it! Being able to struggle and say no and having him there after to hold me and make it better helps with a lot of the brain crazy.
03/15/2012
Contributor: El-Jaro El-Jaro
I would never feel comfortable being the aggressor in this role. If I'm with someone who has this fantasy, I would've feel comfortable being a part of it.
03/15/2012
Contributor: Owl Identified Owl Identified
There are actually quite a few threads already on this subject, but I did want to pop in and say that I love seeing trigger warnings in the headings of things. I always say that I wish more people did it, so it's really nice to see.
03/15/2012
Contributor: P'Gell P'Gell
Quote:
Originally posted by SubmissiveFeminist
I am very much an activist for sexual assault awareness, and I am a survivor of two sexual assaults in my short lifetime. However, I'm also a very submissive individual when I am in a comfortable situation.

With my last partner, I did ... more
We sometimes engage in what some prefer to call "Ravishment Play." This is completely consensual play, that gets rough at times etc. I feel strong enough at this point to engage in this play, but I don't think I could have 20 years ago. But, that's just me and the fact that I didn't know how to deal with the assaults back then.

I don't like the word "survivor" for myself, as I think it gives the man who assaulted me as a child too much power. But, that's just my choice. (I dislike the word "victim" even more, though, for the same reason.) I was assaulted as a kid, and I've made peace with it, and have left the bad feelings behind. I've even forgiven him, but I feel he should be in prison, as I was far from the only girl child he assaulted (and the girls he assaulted included his own children, who were my best friends.) The reason I feel he should in incarcerated is so he can't get at any more young children.

Don't feel "weird" that you enjoy this kind of play. I find it empowers me, as I DO have the power and the ability to stop it at any time with our Safe Word, so I have control over something similar (but in no way the same) as the.... other thing.

I also like for my lover to "take" me, knowing it is from a place of love and not from a place of hurt. I think he sometimes isn't comfortable with it, and will tell me so. In those cases, the act simply isn't done. I have to respect him, too. He has his own reasons.
03/15/2012
Contributor: SubmissiveFeminist SubmissiveFeminist
Quote:
Originally posted by Owl Identified
There are actually quite a few threads already on this subject, but I did want to pop in and say that I love seeing trigger warnings in the headings of things. I always say that I wish more people did it, so it's really nice to see.
I haven't seen them, sorry if it's spammy.

Thank you. I try to keep everyone's interests in mind when posting about some potentially harmful topics.
03/15/2012
Contributor: SubmissiveFeminist SubmissiveFeminist
Quote:
Originally posted by P'Gell
We sometimes engage in what some prefer to call "Ravishment Play." This is completely consensual play, that gets rough at times etc. I feel strong enough at this point to engage in this play, but I don't think I could have 20 years ago. ... more
"I DO have the power and the ability to stop it at any time with our Safe Word, so I have control over something similar"

I very much agree with this, that is exactly how I felt. Thank you, I feel better about this, now.
03/15/2012
Contributor: xxjoel xxjoel
I have not had any truly nonconsentual experiences, but I'd love to try.
03/17/2012