Dominate/Submisive

Dominate/Submisive

merc41 merc41
Is it possible to be a dom but want to be put in the submissive role? I would like to be on the sub side but be able to control/order what my partner does to me. What would you call that? There are some senarios that would put me in the sub role that I would tell the dominant partner what to do to me and how to do it. Pegging is one but I want to tell my partner how fast or slow how hard or soft etc.etc.Forced oral is another one and rough sex another. Any comments?
12/28/2017
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Gunsmoke Gunsmoke
I think the term is 'topping from the bottom' and as far as I know it's a thing.

I actually started out doing this - but once my wife got comfortable as a D, it was easier for me to just let things happen. In fact I found that her creativity was stifled by my over-involvement.

We like to play - so she doesn't necessarily object to me requesting something, but often she will give me a good crack of the whip and remind me that she is in charge - I love it!

Everyone is different - but the anticipation of not knowing what's coming next adds a lot to the excitement. More than ever I trust my D to guide me to new experiences. Becoming a real sub took some time - but the journey has been fantastic.
12/29/2017
MissKee MissKee
An important thing to note here is that labels are not really hard outlines of behaviors or actions, they're really more like vague genres. There are, however, pretty basic attributes for these role's you're discussing. Before I really answer the question, here's (my extremely simplified) breakdown of some terms:

Dominant: Someone who has authority in the relationship or play session. The dominant has control over the actions, and expectations of behavior for their submissive partner(s). They use their authority to enforce those behaviors and dictate the actions.

Submissive: Someone who relinquishes authority in the relationship or play session. They follow commands and offer control over their behaviors and actions to their Dominant partner.

Top: A person on the giving end of stimulation. This is typically used for vanilla sex terminology; a top is the person doing the penetrating. This also has very important BDSM connotations. If you are spanking someone, that is a top action. If you are giving a massage, that is a top action. These do not explicitly mean the top has authority, it is just the direction of actions and focus.

Bottom: The inverse to the top; a recipient of stimulus. If you are being tied up, you are bottoming. If you are being flogged, you're bottoming. If you are receiving head, you're bottoming.

Both bottoming and topping are simply states of being, not mindsets. Top/bottom is not authority or control, it is the direction of action. Tops/bottoms swap all the time. You and your partner take turns giving each other head? Well, that's a swap of the top and bottom.



SO, now that you've gotten through that, what does that mean in this situation?

Well, it means that you are seeking to control, while you receive stimulus. That's you bottoming as a Dom. @Gunsmoke referred to it as "topping from the bottom", but that phrase has weird connotations that I don't think apply here. (It's used somewhat insultingly within the BDSM community. It's a long and stupid reason, people are silly.)


Your situation isn't strange. This is not an uncommon thing. D/s doesn't always mean everything is going one direction. A submissive can serve obediently, while performing acts for their Dominant- and vice versa.


Have fun~! <:
12/30/2017
merc41 merc41
Thanks I just wish she wasn't so timid
Jan 30, 7:41 pm
Gunsmoke Gunsmoke
Quote:
Originally posted by merc41
Thanks I just wish she wasn't so timid
Don't give up hope - my wife was very passive for a long time but matured into quite a fun and adventurous lover
Jan 30, 10:32 pm
Total posts: 5
Unique posters: 3