I couldn't be truly submissive either. In some aspects I am, but I think that it's important to be on relatively equal ground even in that type of relationship. There's a different level of intimacy involved in that type of relationship. You can engage in a more BDSM relationship emotionally without necessarily using contracts, controlling every aspect of a person/person's life, or even inflicting actual punishments. For us the punishments are more on an emotional level, not actually a "let me punish you" but essentially a you're beating yourself up over not behaving as requested type of thing, where as the rewards are more on a sexual level. However understanding that you obeyed well can lead to emotional rewards of it's own.

In most relationships (non-sexual ones) I am very domineering, however in sexual/romantic relationships I prefer to let him dominate. I am not truly submissive, but somewhere between a sub and a switch maybe? It's hard to define what my title should be and we don't use one for me. He is my Dom, I let him control certain aspects of our relationship and sexual interactions, but even then I know I can still say "hey I need this" or "please lets avoid this tonight" and he will be fine with it. Nothing he does would be or seem to be abusive, even to those with no knowledge of a BDSM relationship. The psychology of a BDSM relationship is much different than a normal relationship, and emotionally the aspects are all there for us, he does have more control than most boyfriends/husbands would be granted, I can not let myself come until he says to, and there are rewards for things like obeying very well. There's a lot more to it than what I've included, and it's much deeper than I currently have time to explain/put into words, however if you wish you can PM me with questions or post them here.