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Strap-on harness for DP and dildo for beginner anal use

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Contributor: Kestrel Kestrel
I'm a guy looking to get a comfortable harness that I can use to DP my girlfriend. Ideally the harness could also be comfortably worn by her for pegging. Ability to accept different size dildos is a plus.

As for the dildo, we are both anal sex beginners, so what I think I'd like is:
- slender
- long enough for strap-on use
- curved so that it stimulates the p-spot (and g-spot when I DP her in missionary)
- preferably silicone
- something smooth enough that the likelihood of tearing anal tissue is very low even with somewhat aggressive thrusting (yes, we'll use lots of lube, but as a newbie, I want to be super-cautious about the tearing issue)

Any suggestions and advice are greatly appreciated!
10/01/2010
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Contributor: GingerAnn GingerAnn
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10/01/2010
Contributor: Riccio Riccio
We are enthusiastic about the Spartacus "Ulti-mate harness." Whether or not this harness would fit both of you is hard to say, however.

link

It is really difficult to recommend a dildo, because each person is different, but you may want to consider the Tantus "Silk large," but there also medium and small sizes.

link
10/01/2010
Contributor: ScottA ScottA
Ulti-Mate should work for both women and men, since it is based on the Sportsheets strap arrangement (used on the Latigo Leather and others). If she wants to use a double you can even remove the back pad.

You're the one who's going to be using the dildo, but I think you're on the right road. Get a dildo with 5.5" or more of insertable length and a curve, and for a first dildo I'd recommend something with a smooth surface. I like the added stimulation that a head gives, but that's really personal choice. About 1-1/4" diameter is nice because smaller ones can get too floppy.

Both Vixen and Tantus make some dildos that will work. The Tiger by Fun Factory feels great, but it's definitely not a beginner's dildo.
10/01/2010
Contributor: Kestrel Kestrel
The Ulti-mate harness seems like it would be a good choice, and the leather straps seem like they would be more comfortable than nylon straps. Hopefully EF has it back in stock soon.

As for the dildo, this seems tougher to find. At least 5.5" of insertable length, curve, smooth and 1.25" diameter seems to eliminate most. For example, the Vixen Mistress has 6.25" insertable length, curve and circumference, but has a head, while the Tantus Silk Medium has the curve, circumference, and is smooth, but barely has the length at 5.5" insertable. Are there any that fit the bill?

Am I overthinking this? Is the Mistress head so mild that it won't be a bother? Or is the Silk's 5.5" of insertable length sufficient that a partner won't have to lean in all the time to avoid falling out? Some positions, like anal while laying on top of the penetrated partner, seem to require a lot of insertable length.
10/03/2010
Contributor: Sir Sir
I actually recommend the commando harness, to be fully honest. It's great for double penetration, and can be used by women too to penetrate their partners singularly.

Actually, you might want to go for the Silk Large. It's longer than the Silk Medium, and has quite a substantial amount of girth to it. It is also still very smooth like the Silk Medium. Here are a few other suggestions that may work out for you:

Leo - this one's a really pretty dildo, and the head is not too defined that it would hurt when it moves into you or your partner.
Boy 1 - an excellent size for what you had in mind, and the diameter is pretty thin. It's also a really good price!
Raquel - this one is made of a special silicone that's very soft and plushy, so its girth should not be too difficult to take. It's also very lengthy, like you were wanting.
02 Niagara - this is another plushy dildo of a similar material to the Raquel. It's much thinner though, but retains the length, so this one may be JUST what you're looking for. Even though it has some bumps, they're not too defined that might make it uncomfortable for anal.
10/03/2010
Contributor: ScottA ScottA
Vixen Smooth Operator can also be a good choice.

I've put on the Latigo Leather harness without the pad (on a whim, my wife isn't interested in DP). It worked OK.

Any reason you're ruling out toys with heads? A little head can add to the G/P stimulation noticably as long as you're comfortable with a "semi-realistic" look dildo.
10/03/2010
Contributor: Kestrel Kestrel
Quote:
Originally posted by ScottA
Vixen Smooth Operator can also be a good choice.

I've put on the Latigo Leather harness without the pad (on a whim, my wife isn't interested in DP). It worked OK.

Any reason you're ruling out toys with heads? A little head ... more
I don't have a problem with a realistic looking dildo. I'm worried that the head would make anal more uncomfortable for a beginner. But maybe I'm overthinking this.

Smooth Operator seems comparable to the Mistress - same girth, it's 1/4" shorter, no head, and adds a vibe. Seems there are many more reviews of the Mistress being used for anal than the Smooth Operator.
10/06/2010
Contributor: Kestrel Kestrel
Quote:
Originally posted by Sir
I actually recommend the commando harness, to be fully honest. It's great for double penetration, and can be used by women too to penetrate their partners singularly.

Actually, you might want to go for the Silk Large. It's longer than ... more
Thanks for the suggestions.

Commando harness - the strap seems like it would get in the way of a male user's balls? Also, can you get the dildo high enough that it doesn't push down on a male user's penis?

Racquel/Niagara - my concern with the very soft dildos is increased difficulty of anal insertion. One of the reviews said they just couldn't get it in anally, while vaginally was fine.

Leo - too girthy. I don't think either of us are ready for that size.

Boy 1 - good size, but the base of the head seems like it's slightly 'sharper' than the Mistress, in which case, I'd opt for the Mistress, which is also 3/4" longer in insertable length.
10/06/2010
Contributor: ScottA ScottA
Can't say too much about Boy 1 because what I know was disclosed in a pending review, but stay away from it for know until yerkungfuisweak's review comes online.

Another possibility would be to get a Feeldoe and for you to hold it anally and penetrate her with the end. More of a novelty thing, but it can work if the Feeldoe is long enough.
10/06/2010
Contributor: Kestrel Kestrel
Quote:
Originally posted by ScottA
Can't say too much about Boy 1 because what I know was disclosed in a pending review, but stay away from it for know until yerkungfuisweak's review comes online.

Another possibility would be to get a Feeldoe and for you to hold it ... more
Interesting idea, but I want to get into more conventional strap on play before getting into stuff like the Feeldoe.
10/06/2010
Contributor: Riccio Riccio
A few further suggestions, if you decide to buy the Spartacus "Ulti-mate harness." Rubbing all of the leather parts with baby oil before using it, will make it softer and preserve the leather. I do this periodically, and it still looks new.

This harness comes with a plastic ring to hold the dildo, but the four straps at the center unsnap easily. The plastic ring can be replaced quickly with a metal one that best suits the diameter of your dildo. We have several metal o-rings that we use, depending on her preference, and they increase the stability of the harness.

Length is very important in selecting a dildo for double penetration. If it is too short, although this is less probable in the missionary position with this harness, it may slip out and spoil your fun.

Finally, whatever you choose, go slowly until she is ready for more aggressive thrusting. This is a very intimate act; treat her with all of the love and respect she deserves for trusting you.
10/08/2010
Contributor: Kestrel Kestrel
Quote:
Originally posted by Riccio
A few further suggestions, if you decide to buy the Spartacus "Ulti-mate harness." Rubbing all of the leather parts with baby oil before using it, will make it softer and preserve the leather. I do this periodically, and it still looks ... more
Thanks for the baby oil tip.

In terms of length, what minimum do you suggest? And should I consider getting a shorter dildo for DP in missionary position?
10/14/2010
Contributor: Riccio Riccio
Quote:
Originally posted by Kestrel
Thanks for the baby oil tip.

In terms of length, what minimum do you suggest? And should I consider getting a shorter dildo for DP in missionary position?
This is not an easy question to answer. It is easier to adjust to a long dildo than to a short one. If it is too long, you simply thrust less deeply, but if it is too short, you have no options.

My love prefers a dildo, for vaginal penetration, that is long enough for a-spot stimulation, but that may not be the case for your woman.

Have you experimented with other dildos? When masturbating her anally with your fingers, is there a depth that she prefers? Those answers will help you in making your selection.

My only suggestion is to treat this as an experiment in your pleasure. If money is no object, I would select two dildos, but be ready to find others, as you define what is best.

In addition to my earlier recommendations, and the useful suggestions made by the other contributors, you might want to consider the Tantus Acute link or, perhaps, the Vixen Leo. link You say that the Leo is too wide, but have you experimented with gradually increasing width, using your hands, before inserting an object?

Before making your choice, however, I urge you to use your hands, and any appropriate toys you may have, to discover what pleases her most.

I hope this helps.
10/15/2010
Contributor: Kestrel Kestrel
Thanks for all the advice and suggestions. I ended up going with the Tantus Silk Medium. So far, so good.
12/08/2010
Contributor: bend over hottie bend over hottie
Spareparts is coming out with a harness made for a guy that is intended for DP. It will be a jockstrap style harness with 2 holes in it.
12/08/2010