#SexIsSocial - Sometimes Adam, Sometimes Eve

Sometimes Adam, Sometimes Eve, by Kayletta Jade! - Click here to read the article.



This is a very interesting article about Kayletta's relationship with a bigender person. What is bigender you ask? Bigender is where a person identifies as both male and female and how they identify themselves can fluctuate. For instance, Kayletta's partner has two dressers: one for their masculine clothing and one for their feminine clothing.

They, like many others, who identify outside of the gender binary experience invasive questions about how one can live like this, how one can see themselves as both male and female and seemingly interchange the two at will.

Kayletta explains the best way to express one's curiosity about how someone identifies, but is it really anyone's business? Why does it seem like people feel entitled to explanations about things that don't concern them? Are their attempts to dig deeper an effort to understand or an effort to criticize?

Is perception reality? If you perceive a person as a man or as masculine, does that make them a man?

Our poll question is going to be pretty basic this week, as we would really love to hear your opinions on the topics of transgenderism, cisgenderism, and everything between.

Do try to remain respectful toward one another, the internet allows for anonymity but there are real people and real feelings behind each of our responses. less

I think tactfully asked questions from a place of seeking to understand from a friend or close family member are fine, if posed respectfully and if the person being asked doesn't mind. Questions asked from the curiosity or fascination of a stranger or from a place of trying to judge or criticize are not ok. It's a difficult situation on both sides. It's important that the person being asked not feel like a freak show or a science experiment. But it's also important that the person asking, if asking for the right reasons, get the information they are seeking that could lead to greater understanding and promote acceptance and tolerance. Is it right or fair that these people are so misunderstood and meet with such intolerance? No! It's not their fault or choice and it's not fair that it falls to them to be poked and prodded and inspected (at best, verbally) just because they don't fit into people's expectations. They didn't ask for the responsibility to educate the world. They just want to live their life and be left alone like everybody else walking around in this world. But at the same time, if people really want to understand, how else are they supposed to do so but by asking? I've found that MOST trans/genderqueer, bigender, and otherwise non-binary folks are amazingly tolerant of this kind of thing when people approach them respectfully. The vast majority are really of the mindset that they'd rather people ask and give them the opportunity to educate and share because they feel it's the answer to reducing and hopefully ending intolerance, but it's also really crappy that they have to be subject to it and they shouldn't have to be. I think the most important thing people with questions can do is, like Airen said, respect their personhood, and also respect that it isn't their responsibility to bear their soul to satisfy your curiosity. Being non-binary doesn't make them less entitled to respect or privacy and it definitely doesn't mean they don't WANT that privacy. Asking them about their gender identity, beyond asking which manner of address/pronouns they prefer, their sexuality and their anatomy, especially if you don't know them very well, is very rude. Consider if the level of information you're asking for would be appropriate for you to talk about with a cis-gendered person that you're on the same level with. In the case of a cis person, you might not need to ask to know it, but would you talk about it? You probably wouldn't ask your cis-gendered coworker about their genital anatomy. True, you might not need to because you can assume some basics, but you still prolly wouldn't talk about it with them, or ask them for details. But with a really close personal friend, you might get to know them well enough to discuss sex, and anatomy might become part of the conversation. If you're that close with a non-binary identified person, it might be ok to respectfully pose some questions. less