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#SexIsSocial - Stuck in the Friend Zone

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Contributor: Rayne Millaray Rayne Millaray




Welcome to this week's featured SexIs article:


Stuck in the Friend Zone, by chicmichiw!



Have you ever heard someone say they're "stuck in the friend zone"? They're usually referring to the fact that someone won't date them. Often, you'll hear a man use this phrase to express how a woman feels about him. Occasionally, it's meant in a derogatory way. "Look at all this I have to offer, and she stuck me in the friend zone." as if her opinion is irrelevant, and she's not allowed to not be attracted to him.

chicmichiw posits that this is a misogynistic approach to a woman's right to choose who she wants to be with.

From the article:
"When a guy says he's stuck in the friend zone he's turning friendship into a consolation prize; a second-best option. This shows that he may not actually value friendship with women, or that he sees the deep, personal connection that comes with both friendship and a relationship simply as a means to the end of physical relations. If he describes being friends with a person as being “stuck”, then it sure sounds like he doesn’t actually want to be friends with that person. Men who use the term “friend zone” in this way are therefore revealing that women, to them, are prizes to be won rather than equals with whom close, platonically intimate relationships are possible."

What do you think?
Answers (private voting - your screen name will NOT appear in the results):
How would you define the "friend zone"?
1
I agree with the article. It's a way of putting a woman down for not being interested in a man, and ultimately telling women their opinions aren't relevant.
19
Just what it says! We're friends, nothing more. And there's nothing wrong with that.
14
Other (leave a comment)
.
Do you think this has a positive or negative affect on the relationship between men and women?
Positive.
Negative.
17
Neither, it is what it is.
9
Other. (leave a comment)
..
Have you ever heard this phrase used in the other direction? A woman saying she'd been "friend zoned"?
Yes.
12
No.
13
...
1
Is this more of a heterosexual thing, or do LGBT folks use this phrase, too?
I've heard LGBT folks use "friend zone" in relation to other LGBT folks.
7
I'm L, G, B or T and I use "friend zone" in relation to other LGBT folks.
2
I've never heard LGBT folks use "friend zone" in relation to other LGBT folks.
13
....
5
What is your gender identity?
Cisfemale.
17
Cismale.
2
Transmale.
2
Transfemale.
Trans*
Other (leave a comment if you're so inclined)
3
Total votes: 137 (32 voters)
Poll is closed
01/24/2013
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Contributor: Ansley Ansley
I was once put in the friend zone by a guy I kinda sorta liked; reflecting on the matter it was probably because I was insanely wild at the time and to quote Miley Cyrus, I couldn't be tamed. I was out of control and it probably scared him to no end. Wise decision on his part. I ultimately ended up with my husband and couldn't be happier! No, wait...two guys 'friend-zoned' me and probably for the same reason.

I have friend-zoned several people, guys and girls, for various reasons. They had a vice I was uncomfortable with or an outlook on life that didn't match mine. Anyone who wanted babies was definitely out of the question.
01/25/2013
Contributor: Genderfree Genderfree
I've heard LGBT people use this term... a lot! Maybe that's because I know so many of them. And whoa, my gender has a category!
01/25/2013
Contributor: GONE! GONE!
I hate it. One time a person I thought was a good friend started openly complaining about me "friendzoning" them on Facebook. Yeeeah that made me feel pretty terrible and like my friendship was worth nothing.
01/26/2013
Contributor: MrWill MrWill
I think there is a difference between the friend zone, and actually being friends.

Friend zone is: I'm going to be friendly because I don't know how to say I'm not interested, or hey I'm going to keep you around as a backup.


Friends are, hey.. I'm not interested in dating, but I still don't want to lose you.


They sound the same, but they are different!
01/26/2013
Contributor: Avant-garde Avant-garde
I think the article has a lot to it. Many times I hear it used in a negative way that undervalues friendship, but not always. But sometimes being friends is better than being in a romantic relationship.
01/26/2013
Contributor: Incendiaire Incendiaire
The friend zone is an awkward place with gay interactions. Sometimes you meet someone and think they're nice and could make a good friend, but clearly they're attracted to you and then it becomes awkward and suddenly you don't want to hang around them so much because you feel uncomfortable. Other times it's the reverse, and you think this guy wants to hang out with you because you're hitting it off, when in reality you've got your wires crossed.
01/31/2013
Contributor: bratcat bratcat
I've heard this phrase a lot when it come to men feeling they have a right to their female friends and I pretty much agree with this article. i feel, if the "it is what it is defense" was a real thing the word/act itself wouldn't exist as you would not be going into a platonic relationship with someone and get zoned to be a friend - thats usually what comes of those types of relationships over time anyways. Even if someone does start giving another person a romantic intent, that person has autonomy over their feelings and have every right to reflect and change their mind about it or loose intrest and want to stay friends.
01/31/2013
Contributor: purpledesert purpledesert
(in reference to heterosexual relationships) I'm a straight female and I've only ever heard myself use "friendzone". This is the general trend I see: It's not that guys aren't as "guilty" for doing this to women, they just get off the hook for it. Women assume a friendzoning as a personal failure, not a fault of the person they are pursuing.
02/01/2013
Contributor: Chilipepper Chilipepper
I've heard it a couple of times when a guy friend would just generally mutter about his luck. I always associate it with whining, which is undignified.
02/01/2013