Ladies, what is your reaction if you want to have an orgasm but can't/don't?

Set alerts

Updates

P'Gell

As women, some of us don't have orgasms every time we have sex, or every time we want to. What is your reaction to NOT being able to come?

It never used to bother me, as I knew it would happen next time. Now, it's more difficult and I cry, like a baby, sometimes or worry my ass off until the next time it happens.

Answers (public voting - your screen name will appear in the results):

No big deal. It will happen next time.

Chilipepper , Alan & Michele , ~LaUr3n~ , gone77 , The Giveaway Diva , 00 , bzzingbee , Miss B Haven , PassionQT , Tuesday , Lady Venus , Blinker , Midway through , Laura , AU , PolyGirl , Waterfall , Jenn (aka kissmykitty) , sarahbear , Jenna.J.Ross , DeliciousSurprise , Fun Lover , TiffySmilez , onehotmomma , MuffysPinguLove , Rossie , A Lovely Aphrodite , seaofneptune , sweet sally , tigerkate , NightNight , MEL , Yesenia , supersketchmachine , Liz , Kim! , Trashley , chocoqueen , xxFinallyxxLoved , Adriana Ravenlust , Shellz31 , Spring , Hot'n'Bothered , mrs.mckrakn , Naughty Student , sophie2229 , Selective Sensualist , pinkzombie , Taylor , Kimbertrees , SexyTabby , fghjkl , toxie m , ellejay , Redboxbaby , Tart , nerdgirl , Slashy1 , MasterBlaster , RemusHalifax , sbon , Misfit Momma , Janis , Crystal1 , LavenderSkies , dbtracy , Angel deSanguine , EdenJP , zeebot , REDRUM , indiglo , bunny love , vanillaSpice , *Huxley* , shelly8791 , darkkitty , ToyQuest , solsticeviolet , Joie de Cherresse , Lady Marmelade , sexygoddess , cujo467 , ichigostrawberry , Judas Iscars , dbm6907 , link82 , Maeby , Bignuf , Cora Jane , MJ1337 , JessCee , angel142stx , Ryuson , js250 , potstickers , jc123 , aliceinthehole , emiliaa , hotcherry , MnK , Melan!e , pyratess , Britt93 , RedGlitter , edeneve , Stinkytofu10 , amazon , Lildrummrgurl7 , DeliciousB , ne1469694u , Meido , jennifur77 , old but not dead

113

Cry and worry it will never happen again

P'Gell , joja , hmax17 , EndlessFrost , Emma (Girl With Fire) , liljeepr , meganthomas , Xavier7 , swf , MaryA , ninaspinkturtle , Sweet-Justice , MaryExy , Puss in Boots , WhoopieDoo , Miss Morphine

Get angry at partner

Xavier7 , MoonRei , jankit , ninaspinkturtle , funstuff4me

Keep trying until both of you are exhausted

Tori Rebel , Alicia , Gunsmoke , omgmegg , kck , Erotica , joja , Dame Saphir , Airen Wolf , Lady Venus , Envy , YoungCouple , Darling Jen , sexysweetieshan , AVDisco , Jenn (aka kissmykitty) , Jenna.J.Ross , DeliciousSurprise , Coralbell , Fanny , deltalima , NightNight , OhMy! , RadRach , Madeira , Adriana Ravenlust , Shellz31 , Sohotdinosaur , chaos4fun , ZenaidaMacroura , Danielle1220 , Emma (Girl With Fire) , mnc5051 , liljeepr , Faith , Kimbertrees , lamira , flamefire , meganthomas , toxie m , Redboxbaby , C4ss , DustBunny , pfoof , Xavier7 , RemusHalifax , Lindz86 , *HisMrs* , jzzrzz , Raggedy Andie , jankit , bunny love , Cream in the Cupcake , Dlynn , ninaspinkturtle , Taylor Von , shelly8791 , Fuzzycow , MR Chickhabit , Sweet-Justice , Scarlette , Lady Marmelade , Collodion , cujo467 , K101 , Miss Anonymous , Karen Affeldt , ichigostrawberry , link82 , CuteDee , sarki , Ms. Spice , newfoundlust , angelkisses , MnK , FHeemz , KRD , glitterbombs , Girly Juice , joiedejouets , KissTheSkyBaby , Creepellah , DeliciousB , WhoopieDoo , Meido , luv 2 sex , bayosgirl , BG529

Try by myself after partner has left the room

removedacnt , joja , SassyLove , Maiden , Lady Venus , Pleasure Piratess , *Ashley* , Not here , ShySubmissive , Fun Lover , softcoeur , clp , KinkyShay , deltalima , NightNight , Cecebee , PrettyPurple , petite-n-sweet , Madeira , Adriana Ravenlust , Jenniae09 , ZenaidaMacroura , Gatita , Taylor , megaboo , socceras , Anne Ardeur , meganthomas , fghjkl , toxie m , Janis , 7Miles , Raggedy Andie , jankit , KnK , KaliLeanne , Cream in the Cupcake , ninaspinkturtle , MR Chickhabit , Airekah , lick123 , Scarlette , MaryExy , Karen Affeldt , ichigostrawberry , CAKES , Jenyana , RainbowOokami , Eucaly , TameTemptress , 724-6924 , The scientist , Chaotic Rantings , Reiyth , KRD , Girly Juice , amplified to rock , Sweet-n-Playful , DeliciousB , LoooveMonkey , WhoopieDoo , karenm , Chastity Darling , bayosgirl , doowop , BG529

I only get upset if I COULD have had an orgasm and didn't get the chance to

Alicia , beautifulpierced , kck , ♥ Amanda ♥ , ~LaUr3n~ , Sammi , bzzingbee , Dame Saphir , Andromeda , Lady Venus , Cheshire , *Ashley* , happeegrl03 , Darling Jen , Love Buzz , sarahbear , Jul!a , Geekhyena , DeliciousSurprise , TiffySmilez , TheSexista , jennydanger , Persephone's Addiction , seaofneptune , Liz2 , smartbabi92 , SexyySarah , Polyserena , deltalima , NightNight , Lavender*Moon , Lime , mllebeauty , Jenniae09 , Hot'n'Bothered , null , kermi91 , Naughty Student , adelric , chaos4fun , Pandahb , Danielle1220 , Destri , megaboo , Qliq , UnknownGirl , fghjkl , eve2603 , Kinkme , nerdgirl , LynnieM12 , Nicollete88 , PropertyOfPotter , DustBunny , darthkitt3n , VanillaFreeSex , jzzrzz , Lucidity , Xomandypantsxo , Akanzi , zeebot , KnK , Cream in the Cupcake , vanillaSpice , Linga , ninaspinkturtle , monkeylover621 , VenusianThunder , Airekah , Scarlette , Collodion , cujo467 , Kiwidragon , CoffeeCup , teeny <3 , RainbowOokami , TameTemptress , tickle me pink , Nissa Nissa , Ryuson , 724-6924 , melissa1973 , aliceinthehole , KRD , Melan!e , pyratess , Girly Juice , Rory , Britt93 , falalena , chicmichiw , Sweet-n-Playful , MsDrProfKitty , Meido , evie.amor , Britt&Rich , Missy27 , twelve13 , Chastity Darling , doowop , BG529

101

Total votes: 389 (282 voters)

Poll is closed

07/14/2010

All promotions

P'Gell

Yeah, I guess I have issues.

07/14/2010

Tori Rebel

I'll keep trying if I think it will happen until it either does or I'm too tired to care anymore. But I was on a drug for a while that made it near impossible, and one of my BC pills made it difficult too so while those things were going on, I'd do my best to shrug it off because I know there's a reason behind it that's out of my control for the moment.

07/14/2010

Alicia

For me I almost always can with a bullet and me on top. It's kind of our back up plan in a way. It's much stronger if my husband can bring me to orgasm first though, and so he'll usually keep trying until we're at the point that we're just getting tired. There's only a few times I've gotten upset, and it was times that we had quickies and didn't use toys which meant that I didn't have enough stimulation to come and was left feeling frustrated.

07/14/2010

Chilipepper

I'm just from the weird side ... the fact I was having sex with someone at all was more amazing than getting the orgasm. (After ten years in a celibate marriage I found the simplest acts that others seem to take for granted to be awesome. Yeah, noob. )

07/14/2010

Alan & Michele

I voted "no big deal' because it doesn't happen often, but whenever I can't get off it's truly no big deal. Sex for me is more about the overall pleasure and intimacy than just the orgasm.

BUT if we could have two votes I'd also pick "I only get upset if I COULD have had an orgasm and didn't get the chance to" because if I were with a partner who got his jollies and left me hanging, I'd be furious.

07/14/2010

removedacnt

I can and do have mulitple g-spot, vaginal orgasms every time we make love. But a clitoral orgasm during sex with my husband is rare. So after we're done, if I haven't achieved it and feel I need to, I either wait until he leaves the room or disappear for a few minutes with one of my trusty vibrators to finish the job. It doesn't upset either of us because we know he satisfies me in many other ways, it's just that clitoral orgasms are difficult for me in general.

07/15/2010

P'Gell

I'm the only one who cries. This is kind of new for me. I used to be of the "Oh, well, no biggy, it will happen next time." I used to come SO easily that I only didn't come if I just wasn't in the mood (wat?) or got overstimulated and couldn't do it right.

Now, the first one is so much more difficult. The HRT has made it a little easier, but there is NOTHING sadder lately than washing the toys after I DIDN'T come and really wanted to. It brings me to tears, as I used to have a hair trigger orgasm until about 18 months ago, when peri-menopause really kicked my ass.

For a while I was just going at it alone, after he either fell asleep of left the room in the morning (which shows that it was a lot of "performance anxiety" if I could come in only a few minutes.) Now, unless he falls asleep (GRRRR he did that twice last week) I'll just hold off until next time, and will be pretty sure it will work. But, the waiting, it drives me out of my mind. Orgasm changes my whole look on life and when I don't get it WITH HIM, I just get so sad. Damn hormones.

07/17/2010

Sammi

We always keep going till I do, whether he has or not.

07/17/2010

joja

I selected a few, because it really depends on the situation. I got really upset when I lost the ability to come from head for a while, but generally if I haven't gotten off I'll either ask him to help or masturbate while he kisses and touches me.

07/17/2010

Miss B Haven

I used to get really upset because I could only orgasm every so often...hardly at all! What a bummer, but I took some 'me' time and tried to figure out what was preventing my orgasms and with some toys and practice was able to change it to hardly ever having an orgasm to almost Always having one, YAY

07/17/2010

PassionQT

Although it's great to orgasm during sex, I spent so many years NOT getting there that it doesn't bother me either way. If it happens, great. It it doesn't, I can always masturbate and get there PDQ.

07/17/2010

Dame Saphir

See, I spent so many years NOT getting there, that it drives me crazy when I get close and it doesn't happen. I had never had an orgasm before my current boyfriend and before about Novemberish of last year. So. I get kinda disappointed if I don't get it. But sometimes the sex is so fantastic with or without the orgasm that it doesn't matter

07/17/2010

P'Gell

I think I must be addicted to the post orgasmic buzz. Damn, there is nothing like it. That gets stronger as I get older. That endorphin rush lasts all day, and if I don't get it, I am as crabby as can be.

Got it yesterday, good day. Didn't get a chance today, but he did (did he think I didn't want to finish? Did he think the Buzz from yesterday was still going? WTF? I'm getting frustrated with his lack of drive lately) and I'm crabby. I didn't cry, just kinda edgy.

I think he got used to years where I was totally OK if I didn't come. He's gonna have to change his expectations.....

I sound mean, I'm not. Just frustrated.

07/18/2010

Airen Wolf

(EF Review Program Mentor)

I have only experienced one time where I was unable to orgasm despite the intense desire/pressure to release. I was on mood elevaters and I panicked! I went to the Dr. only to be told I was stupid and should just enjoy feeling "happy". I wasn't happy I felt like a junky in desperate search for an orgasm...I think it's the way my body regulates my mood naturally. I was a total friggin mess.
Now a days I am drug free and I use massage to elevate my mood naturally. I have two very happy volunteers for when I need my oxytocin fix.
When I can't orgasm I may continue trying or just go to sleep since it usually happens when I am tired.

07/18/2010

Airen Wolf

(EF Review Program Mentor)

Quote:

Originally posted by P'Gell

You could try visiting a homeopathic doctor and asking about some natural hormone activators...not replacement because if HRT is working then what you need is a boost not replacement. I have heard from some women in peri menopause that pelvic exercize and kegel exercize can help sort of "youthen" the muscles and help with arousal and orgasm but it's annecdotal at best.
There are some arousal gels your doctor can prescribe that are the equivalent of cialis for women that might help as well...gosh I am not looking forward to menopause. It just sounds so much damn FUN!

07/18/2010

removedacnt

Quote:

Originally posted by P'Gell

It is not unusual for a man's drive to drop at this age. My husband's definitely did.

07/18/2010

P'Gell

Quote:

Originally posted by Airen Wolf

Sadly, I know of no actual medically approved arousal gels, although there are some OTC gels that contain everything from menthol to arginine to supposedly help. I've tried about 5 of them and only ended up with UTIs.

There's nothing for women at least "medically" to help with orgasmic difficulties, at least in Regular Medicine, yet. There used to be an Oxytocin nasal spray, that was used for both Milk Ejection Reflex promotion AND orgasm help, and it was taken off the market due to the company claimed "lack of interest." I don't believe it for a minute. (Their patent ran out and it would have gone generic, so they pulled it, not that many doctors bothered to even find out HOW to use it when it was on the market.) So much of the medical industry is frightened of female sexual power, it's sad.

My doc gave me Viagra! He thought it might help. It didn't do that much, and my insurance won't pay for it because I don't have a penis. Trying to get My Man to go in and get his own prescription and we could share it he was taking some of what we paid for out of pocket anyway, who wouldn't want a 19 year old penis on a 50 year old man? but, he keeps stalling. Arghghghghggh. At $20.00 a pill, we can't afford something that really didn't work for me all that well. The Estrogen actually has had a cumulatively better effect.

I have no problems getting aroused, just getting "there." Sometimes, no problem at all, sometimes it's a bitch to get there, sometimes doesn't happen at all. I was NEVER like this, always came with little effort. The very low dose HRT I am using (only a estrogen creme, used vaginally and I use a quarter of a normal dose) and a small small dose of I SWORE I'd never use this stuff, but I can't live without orgasm.

Airen, years ago, Prozac did this to me, for about 2 weeks, I marched right into the doctor's office and said, "There are some things I will not tolerate. This side effect is one of them." Changing meds fixed it within days, thank God. That was 20 years ago, it never happened since and I know the problem now is hormonal.

I used to use a lot of homeopathy, it never occurred to me to try it for this. Thanks for the heads up. I have a full Standard Homeopathic kit, I'm going to have to do some homework....

Thank you all for caring about me. I'm not usually one to ask for help (the nurse thing, we always feel we have to help other people and rarely ask for help for ourselves) The kindness y'all have shown has been really nice.

HUGS!

07/18/2010

P'Gell

Quote:

Originally posted by removedacnt

It is not unusual for a man's drive to drop at this age. My husband's definitely did.

He says he's horny, he just keeps falling asleep. But, yeah, he isn't as firm as he used to be. This happens. I never used to be able to get him to give me a minute of peace now he's asleep before I'm back from the bathroom. We're still having sex, still pretty frequent, but the last few months it's been mostly in the morning, which is fine, I want BOTH morning and night.

He's not that bad, it's just I'm stressed as can be right now, sex is MY fix, and he's been on my Shit List for his lackadaisical attitude lately. This will pass (it better!)

07/18/2010

Midway through

I actually haven't had any sex, with a partner or by myself, that didn't result in an orgasm. All I can figure is, if I didn't have one, I'd just be like oh well, next time.

07/19/2010

P'Gell

*sigh* Good evening last night. It took me a while (and I thought I heard him get a little snore in right after we turned the Wahl on, I think the vibrations make him sleep) but he stayed awake YAY! and we had an AMAZING time. 90 minutes of absolute bliss (except for the 5 minutes or so when one of the kids decided to use our bathroom, through the hall door, but it was after I came, so we had to be really quiet and it made his orgasm have to wait. Nothing like being interrupted by kids. But, she was only in the bathroom for a few minutes, so we could continue after only a short, sweaty, giggly interruption.)

I couldn't sleep last night, I was so blissed out. Now, why can't it be like that every time? It used to be.

I'm going to be thankful for every good day we have like last night. *sigh*

07/20/2010

Envy

I guess I'm lucky to have such a sweet and caring bf. He said he would never stop until i finish and we're BOTH satisfied. I think that means a lot to me, someone actually caring about how I feel. Even if he can't do it himself he said he'd use toys on me. (He LOVES the idea of using things on me, he's not even sure why himself.)

07/21/2010

Laura

We have great sex whether we both come or not... if someone gets more than the other, it always balances out.

07/21/2010

Darling Jen

It's only happened once and I was more worried about my partner's feelings than anything else. Otherwise if I'm taking too long, I give him the option of stopping for the night, which he usually takes as a challenge and just pulls out all the tricks to make me come.

07/27/2010

Jenn (aka kissmykitty)

(EdenFantasys)

Up until recently I had next to no problems orgasming. Now, due to significant weight loss (over 120 lbs. in the past fourteen months), I have no trouble with my sex drive or arousal, but having an orgasm is troublesome. It can take me up to a half hour or more to get off.

I do get frustrated, but I usually keep plodding along. There are times, however, particularly when I'm with my husband, that I say screw it and just let him have it's fun. There's no point in frustrating both of us, you know?

07/29/2010

Darling Jen

Quote:

Originally posted by Jenn (aka kissmykitty)

Wow that's incredibly impressive weight loss. I never considered it could affect a sex drive before but it makes sense. And I agree about the last part. I always give my partner the option of just forgetting that as a goal.

07/29/2010

I was able to orgasm easily from a pretty early age. On the rare occasion, I will have trouble. I can't remember for sure, but it happened less when I was very depressed? I think the frustration almost made me cry once or twice. I have found that it's best to just let go and try to have a good time without it instead of beating myself raw. I want to make orgasm less of an every time thing now.

07/30/2010

DeliciousSurprise

It happens to me about every other session with my partner; I find it more frustrating than anything! I don't ever worry that I won't have another one, or that it's my partner's fault, but we usually keep on trying until we succeed.

I do get kinda cranky if something interrupts my session and prevents me from having an orgasm when I otherwise would have.

08/19/2010

P'Gell

Quote:

Originally posted by Jenn (aka kissmykitty)

Jenn, you may want to see your doctor and have both your estrogen levels and your hematocrit (iron in the blood) levels checked.

Estrogen is plentiful in body fat. Some women have a drop in estrogen levels when they lose weight, and it could be responsible for your orgasming issues.

My E levels are low, due to perimenopause. I had tests done, and am replacing the levels with vaginal estrogen and although my ability to orgasm in a hair trigger way, like it used to be, hasn't returned, it's better than it was before.

Also, anemia can seriously effect both libido and function.

Good luck. Keep taking care of your new body.

08/19/2010

aleong

Well this is embarrassing, but I can only orgasm when I'm using my vibrator and watching porn at the same time. I just can't orgasm when I'm having sex. There are times where I'm really close, and I can feel it, but it just disappears.

08/19/2010

Total posts: 134 Unique posters: 116

Make a post