"May I show you?" Is it okay to show your partner what you want in bed by demonstrating?

Yup, here comes a first world problem. My lovely boyfriend is really keen on giving me oral, he does it quite often and with a lot of passion, but DANG is he bad at it. I feel horrible about telling him it, I try to explain that “clit is that little thing” but he gets carried away pretty fast and loses track of what he’s doing, leaving me twitching and wiggling, trying to catch his tongue with my clit - yes, that ridiculous.

Now I have an idea to masturbate in front of him, showing what kind of stimulation I like and where is that damn magic button. It’s really the only way I see now, after all the articles and pics I’ve shown him, all the wiggles and hints I made. So I thought maybe it’s the time to be blunt. But I’m soooo afraid he's gonna freak and get offended because he’s not really okay when someone criticizes him.

I love him to pieces and our sex is wonderful besides that, but that “cunning” skill of his is super frustrating. Can anyone suggest something? Maybe someone had the same problem?

I know I have to talk to him honestly and openly, but I thought it would be nice to get some unbiased advice first. Thank you all so so much beforehand less

If you plan on having a long term relationship, you are going to have to communicate - so tell him - teach him.

If he's anything like me, he'll be eternally grateful to you. The last thing you want to do is waste your energy doing things your partner does not enjoy - but how is he to know if you don't tell him - he can only infer so much from your non verbal clues.

I'll give you an example - I use to use a lot of saliva during cunnilingus - thinking that the lubrication was a good thing. It may have worked for others - but my girlfriend (now my wife of 30 years) hated it.

That was our first lesson in - 'tell me what you want' - don't make me read your mind! less

I agree wholeheartedly - there's nothing more vital for your relationship than communication.

I had a similar issue with my now-husband - he was putting a lot of effort into oral sex yet with so little result. I was sure he will be willing to talk yet I was afraid I could hurt his feelings. I told myself that it's not that bad and that he does good some times, but soon it ended up with me refusing to let him down on me. It led to even more confusion and feelings getting hurt. That's when I learned my lesson of never keeping such things to myself.

After all, when it unfolds the other way around, I feel grateful, indeed, and happy he speaks to me, because I know that means he wants this relationship to work.

A nice way to start that conversation may be giving some clues, without straight on "confronting" him. I sent my boyfriend at the time an article about cunnilingus techniques, and since he loves to learn and apply his knowledge, it worked like a charm! For example, you can use our Guide on the cunning cunnilingus techniques, or find any other source that you can trust, and navigate the conversation from there. If he will seem to remain confused by the avalanche of information, you may suggest a demonstration. less

I love your idea about masturbating in front of him! It is hot as hell! I masturbate sometimes in front of my partner, and it is super sexy and a huge turn-on for both of us.

But I'm not sure if showing how you masturbate will improve his oral sex skills. For me, touching of lips, my fingers or man's fingers are different sensations, and where I love licking, I don't want fingers at all.

Anyway, I guess you can't avoid having a heart-to-heart conversation with your BF. It is the best way to get what you want! I hope you'll figure thins out! Good luck! less

If you're afraid he will react badly to your straightforwardness, approach to this problem from another side. Present your desires in the form of your sex fantasy. Tell your BF you had a dream about him delivering you oral pleasure. Be specific, describe any single detail. For example, how he begin to kiss your lips, neck, breast, belly, going down lower and lower, then takes off your panties and start making gentle, slow circling moves with his tongue around your clit...say whatever you want him to do for you south of the border less

I totally agree with everybody! Sincere communication is key to successful relationships. And before doing something unexpected at least try to find out his thoughts about it before to avoid awkward and unpleasant situations.

It may be hard, you may feel awkward to be straightforward, but eventually, it will benefit your sex life. Providing your partner with feedback on how you are feeling during sex with him is so important!

To make this conversation less uncomfortable and confusing, try to explain your feelings in gentle positive terms. Don't throw in his face all that you've been holding inside at once. Start with one small thing, and then work your way up suggesting him to try one more new technique each time you have sex.

And don't underestimate the power of knowledge. Reading articles, books, guides and watching videos about oral sex can be very helpful! less

Thanks for sharing your thoughts!

I really love him and don't want to ruin our relationships.

Your words made me think maybe he dislikes to go down on me, and he just gets over himself each time in an attempt to please me That would be sad because I can't imagine fulfilling sex life without cunnilingus less

This may be a bit of a radical idea

I had always wanted my wife to 'sit on my face' which is the oral equivalent of Cowgirl for PIV sex.

By being on top you can control much of the action by moving your hips in ways that work for you. If can master sticking out his tongue for a while - you can get off

It actually took a long time for me to convince her to do it - but she's rather fond of it now. The moral of the story is that things that sound odd to someone who hasn't tried them, can become favorites when they try them and get pleasure from them less

Yup, here comes a first world problem. My lovely boyfriend is really keen on giving me oral, he does it quite often and with a lot of passion, but DANG is he bad at it. I feel horrible about telling him it, I try to explain that “clit is that little thing” but he gets carried away pretty fast and loses track of what he’s doing, leaving me twitching and wiggling, trying to catch his tongue with my clit - yes, that ridiculous.

Now I have an idea to masturbate in front of him, showing what kind of stimulation I like and where is that damn magic button. It’s really the only way I see now, after all the articles and pics I’ve shown him, all the wiggles and hints I made. So I thought maybe it’s the time to be blunt. But I’m soooo afraid he's gonna freak and get offended because he’s not really okay when someone criticizes him.

I love him to pieces and our sex is wonderful besides that, but that “cunning” skill of his is super frustrating. Can anyone suggest something? Maybe someone had the same problem?

I know I have to talk to him honestly and openly, but I thought it would be nice to get some unbiased advice first. Thank you all so so much beforehand less

I totally agree with everybody! Sincere communication is key to successful relationships. And before doing something unexpected at least try to find out his thoughts about it before to avoid awkward and unpleasant situations.

It may be hard, you may feel awkward to be straightforward, but eventually, it will benefit your sex life. Providing your partner with feedback on how you are feeling during sex with him is so important!

To make this conversation less uncomfortable and confusing, try to explain your feelings in gentle positive terms. Don't throw in his face all that you've been holding inside at once. Start with one small thing, and then work your way up suggesting him to try one more new technique each time you have sex.

And don't underestimate the power of knowledge. Reading articles, books, guides and watching videos about oral sex can be very helpful! less