Do you ever get upset/jealous hearing about all the things other partners will do for their S/O’s?

Contributor: indiglo indiglo
Quote:
Originally posted by - Kira -
No. I'm gonna basically ditto P'Gell because that's pretty much everything I would have said. I picked my husband because he had the traits I desired and the negative aspects of him are ones I can live with.

Let me add this ... more
>>> Yes it's sex, but a fulfilling sex life is more crucial to a happy home than most people care to admit. <<<


I think this is a good point. For my man and I, when we're both satisfied and our sex life is going well - it's just a small, wonderful part of our relationship. But when one of us is feeling sexually frustrated, or what have you - it can feel like a REALLY BIG problem.


I also agree, if you're already feeling sexually frustrated this early in your relationship, before you're even married... that's not really a good sign. Being too tired for sex for a little while (due to extra work projects, or illness, or whatever) is normal and can be dealt with - because you will eventually get back to your normal sexual frequency.

But the fact that you want to explore areas that he doesn't want to explore seems like a bigger issue to me. Also the fact that he doesn't seem willing to entertain simple sexual requests you make of him - is not a good sign. When you marry someone - NOTHING CHANGES. I know, movies, books and TV shows make it sound like you get married and then all your problems disappear - but it isn't like that. NO ONE CHANGES when they get married.

P'Gell's right, you cannot change people. If these sexual issues are a big deal to you, which they obviously are because you're feeling jealous of other people's relationships, you need to seriously consider what that frustration is telling you.

Do you really want to feel jealous of other people's relationships for the rest of your life? That doesn't sound like very much fun to me.
07/17/2012
Contributor: kitty1949 kitty1949
I voted yes because I'm single and I do get jealous because both of my best friends have wonderful boyfriends that are so good to them. On the other hand, I am so so so happy for them and they deserve it. I'm just lonely.
07/17/2012
Contributor: Bignuf Bignuf
Quote:
Originally posted by Ilovelingerie
Do you ever get upset/jealous hearing about all the things other partners will do for their S/O’s that they wont/or don’t do for you?



Sometimes when I am feeling down about how I don’t get enough sex from my man

-I usually ... more
Um....if you are that unhappy with your partner and the things they will no do for you, you can 1. Ask them to do it, 2. Get some counseling to find out why they won't or 3. Find a different S/O that WILL satisfy your needs.

Being happily married (and sexually satisfied) for over 35 years, I can tell you from experience, COMPATIBILITY...the ability to satisfy each other, is a HUGE part of long term happiness, for BOTH parties.
07/17/2012
Contributor: LLmama LLmama
Sometimes when I read about other husbands being really into toys and my husband is just really into my vagina itself lol
07/18/2012
Contributor: Ilovelingerie Ilovelingerie
Quote:
Originally posted by Stinkytofu10
No, but if I am not happy with my current partner, I would move on and look for something that will satisfy me more. If your man isn't giving you enough sex, talk to him. Figure out why he isn't up for more. Maybe too much stress from work? I ... more
Well I know he is busy with all we have to do getting his parents house finished and everything...

But anyway, I have found that we are compatible and that almost 4 years isn't early
07/18/2012
Contributor: Zandrock Zandrock
Nope
07/19/2012
Contributor: WhoopieDoo WhoopieDoo
I think others are jealous of the things my hubby does for me....
07/19/2012
Contributor: P'Gell P'Gell
Quote:
Originally posted by Ilovelingerie
Well I am certaianly not looking for anyone else by any stretch of the imagination. We are getting married in less then a month now and I am counting down the days.

But sometimes I do find myself wishing he would have sex with me more, or try ... more
Interesting that I didn't tell you to look for someone else. I simply said you have a choice about who you live your life with and that choice should be based on what you LOVE about that person and what you don't really love about them, but can live with.

I guess I answered my own question. If I had one.

My question to you is; are the things he "won't do" something you can easily put away if you never do them and never feel resentment about?

OR, will the lack of what you need cause resentment now or in the future?

You did ask us. And the absolute truth is you can't change an other person. Can you live with things the way they are? Because nothing you do will change him, if he doesn't want to change himself.

If you can live with that, with no resentment, then things will be OK. If it's only "silly things" that don't really matter, it should be OK. If these are things that are important to you (not the individual acts, but the fact that he is resistant to your suggestions) then what do YOU think will happen?

You did pose this to us as a question.

I hope you get the answer that works for you.
07/19/2012
Contributor: P'Gell P'Gell
Quote:
Originally posted by indiglo
>>> Yes it's sex, but a fulfilling sex life is more crucial to a happy home than most people care to admit. <<<


I think this is a good point. For my man and I, when we're both satisfied and our sex life is going ... more
You and Kira make a lot of sense.

However, I feel the OP is somewhat miserable, but not yet miserable enough to make any changes. Or not willing to. Seeing as that changing other people is not possible. WHAT solution is there? You can only change yourself and your choices.

You are so right that being jealous of other's relationships, this early in the relationship, particularly in light of "I have a wedding planned. I can't make any changes now." is defiantly serious.

One can only make changes to oneself. The OP can either try to live with the jealousy (not a good harbinger of future happiness) or... deal with her unhappiness after the.... wedding.

I honestly think we'd all be happier if we spent less time money and energy on things like "weddings" and more energy and time on the actual relationship, including deciding before we accept someone as a lifelong partner if the things that we don't get along with them about are minor or will cause major problems later. I also think if people did this it would decrease the divorce rate by a huge percentage.

I do hope the OP finds the solution to her issue. Changing him isn't going to be it, though.
07/19/2012
Contributor: EdenUser EdenUser
Nope.
07/20/2012
Contributor: Ilovelingerie Ilovelingerie
Quote:
Originally posted by - Kira -
No. I'm gonna basically ditto P'Gell because that's pretty much everything I would have said. I picked my husband because he had the traits I desired and the negative aspects of him are ones I can live with.

Let me add this ... more
I agree, everyone thinks "its just sex"...

But seriously, sex is important to me... Not only is it satisfying , but it also builds a relationship in me personal opinion.

A good sex life is very important… and I am certainly very satisfied with how he “does it”… I just wish that he would do it more often lol.

But I also understand that it is VERY hard for us to get alone time lately, especially with how busy everything is right now..
07/20/2012
Contributor: - Kira - - Kira -
Quote:
Originally posted by Ilovelingerie
I agree, everyone thinks "its just sex"...

But seriously, sex is important to me... Not only is it satisfying , but it also builds a relationship in me personal opinion.

A good sex life is very important… and I am certainly ... more
Okay, so how was the sex before everything got so busy? Was he willing to try new things then? Because from what you said it sounded like he was never open to suggestions. It's not just frequency that matters, it's the type of sex as well. If I'm into being beaten and you like roses on the bed, it's just not gonna work, you know? Before you said he would only cum in certain places and wasn't open to trying new things. Now you say you like what he does, but not how often he does it. So which is it?

As P'Gell said, it sounds like you're miserable, just not miserable enough. Take a moment and imagine 5, 10, 20 years of not getting the type of sex you want. Or even getting the type of sex you want but not as much as you want. Yes, weddings make you busy, but so does life. Can you deal with that and not grow to be resentful? My husband and I went through a one year period of a bad sex life after we had our son. One year and we were at each others' throats every day out of resent. Over sex. It builds up faster than you might think. Luckily we were able to reopen communication lines and work things out and now have a better sex life than we ever did before. We're both also very open to trying new things and exploring sexuality which worked in our favor. It sounds like you're open but he might not be so much. To echo P'Gell again - you can't change people.
07/20/2012
Contributor: pinkpottergirl pinkpottergirl
I have no sexual complaints, but I do wish my partner could understand my emotions a bit better and see that I feel forgotten easily; and yes I have tried to explain it, but I have trouble with that. And I know that my sisters boyfriend does better with the emotional stuff
07/20/2012
Contributor: Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
Quote:
Originally posted by Ilovelingerie
Do you ever get upset/jealous hearing about all the things other partners will do for their S/O’s that they wont/or don’t do for you?



Sometimes when I am feeling down about how I don’t get enough sex from my man

-I usually ... more
My partners are willing to entertain most anything I want to do/try and if not then I am free to find someone who does.
Now my thoughts on the matter would be to advise you sit down and have a conversation with your SO and let him/her know what is making you unhappy. He/she cannot change anything if he/she is in the dark!
07/20/2012
Contributor: Jesse-in-TX Jesse-in-TX
Quote:
Originally posted by Ilovelingerie
Do you ever get upset/jealous hearing about all the things other partners will do for their S/O’s that they wont/or don’t do for you?



Sometimes when I am feeling down about how I don’t get enough sex from my man

-I usually ... more
i have never found myself in this situation. im very lucky that my s/o is willing open to anything.
08/20/2012