FIANCE COMING HOME AFTER DEPLOYMENT!!! NERVOUS ABOUT SEX!!!!

FIANCE COMING HOME AFTER DEPLOYMENT!!! NERVOUS ABOUT SEX!!!!

Navy Serenity Navy Serenity
Ok ladies! My man has been deployed for a month, i know its not long but its our 1st deployment together! we are so NERVOUS ABOUT HAVING SEX!!! I dont know how to initiate it.. Should we just let it happen? Should I try an outfit on? AHH! I dont have any idea what to do! lol I feel 16 again trying to plan out my "perfect night" lol

ANY OPINIONS/tips ON HOW I CAN MAKE OUR 2ND 1ST TIME TOGETHER SPECIAL AND AMAZING?!?!?!?!
03/07/2012
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indiglo indiglo
I think my best advice would be don't have expectations of it being amazing or magical or anything that your sex life isn't normally. In fact, you might even decide NOT to have sex your first night together again, just to relieve that pressure.

Have you 2 spoken about your anxiety? That might go a long way to relieving some of it. If you can both talk about what exactly is making you feel nervous, and how you can work around it, that might help a lot.

Best wishes!!
03/07/2012
Navy Serenity Navy Serenity
Quote:
Originally posted by indiglo
I think my best advice would be don't have expectations of it being amazing or magical or anything that your sex life isn't normally. In fact, you might even decide NOT to have sex your first night together again, just to relieve that ...
We've talked some but not often.. He is nervous I won't be attracted to him any more no Matter how much I tell him I am!!
03/07/2012
js250 js250
Just put on an outfit that makes you feel great, talk to your husband about anything and let nature take its own course.. You will know what is the right thing to do at the time, just like the first time.

Or get drunk and get busy!!!LOL!!
03/07/2012
TameTemptress TameTemptress
My husband was in the Navy...he and I have been apart many times due to the military. We were dating when he went to basic training, several months long schools, then we got married and he was out to sea a lot, and then training for weeks/months at a time when he switched rates to one that would put him in combat zones with the Marines. We never had any nervousness for "smaller" times we were apart...usually we were able to talk every day/every other day, and we just picked up where we left off.

When he went to Afghanistan for 8 months, we didn't have a lot of opportunities to talk. I was SO nervous about him coming home, and sex/connecting physically and emotionally was one of the things I was nervous/anxious about. I agonized over the perfect "homecoming outfit" but we were going to be staying in a cabin with family members and were out of state, so I couldn't really plan much else for romance. Turned out I didn't need to be nervous at all though, we both jumped on each other the moment we were alone (and it took several long agonizing hours because of family). I have to say, that it was amaaaaaazing to have him back and I go weak in the knees thinking about that first night he was home. NOTHING else mattered except that he was finally home.

Long story short, I think things will just fall into place and happen when you're in love.
03/07/2012
Gunsmoke Gunsmoke
I'm sorry - 1 month? What's the big deal? Just make a nice dinner have a glass of wine and let it happen.
03/08/2012
Ansley Ansley
Quote:
Originally posted by Gunsmoke
I'm sorry - 1 month? What's the big deal? Just make a nice dinner have a glass of wine and let it happen.
My husband recently went out of town for four days. I was miserable. It was the first time we had been apart in years and I thought I was going to burst at the seams when he walked through our door. A month is a very long time to be away from someone. And when you're 23, a month seems like an eternity anyway.
03/08/2012
P'Gell P'Gell
It will be OK. I'm so glad he's coming home.

I know a lot of freinds whose men were deployed at one point or an other and all of them felt like they needed a "get reaquainted date." They felt exactly like you did. It's not just the amount of time, it's also that you probably didn't know how long he was going to be gone, didn't know what was going on, the Armed Forces doesn't always keep wives, not to mention fiancees up to date with things, as they often don't know themselves.

May I suggest a nice Date Night. Maybe a few glasses of wine with dinner (if you drink) or not, depending, talk a lot, listen to what he has to say, because sometimes these men have seen things (especially if they've been in the Middle East) that they may not want to talk about right away. If he doesn't want to talk about it right away, don't push him. He needs to decompress after the stress of the military, and your job is to be there for him and be strong and a good listener and to let him know he's wanted and loved. Men are often afraid their women have moved on while they were gone and this can lead to a lot of reticence on his part at first. Let him know you really missed him and are glad he is here.

It may take a few days to get reacquainted, but I do advice having sex ASAP, (well, I would) but you play it by ear and see what works.

Let him talk. He needs you to listen and he probably feels more nervous than you do.

A month from now or less you two will be as you were before.

Good luck.
03/08/2012
Ansley Ansley
Quote:
Originally posted by P'Gell
It will be OK. I'm so glad he's coming home.

I know a lot of freinds whose men were deployed at one point or an other and all of them felt like they needed a "get reaquainted date." They felt exactly like you did. It's ...
Well said, P'Gell. Coming home from deployment, especially if it's his first, is very much like shell shock. Minute things have changed that we here at home might not have paid much notice to be but it will stick out like a sore thumb to him. His tastes may have changed, his outlook will have definitely undergone a transformation and it takes a minute to get the bearings back.

When my brother came back from his tour overseas with the Marines, he was a completely different person and we had to remember everything that he may have seen or been a part of and how much of it we were allowed to know and what he simply held back due to his own fears of rejection we'll never know, but he was definitely a changed man.
03/08/2012
wildorchid wildorchid
Quote:
Originally posted by Ansley
My husband recently went out of town for four days. I was miserable. It was the first time we had been apart in years and I thought I was going to burst at the seams when he walked through our door. A month is a very long time to be away from ...
Yeah sorry, have to chime in here. I'm in a long distance relationship (not the same I know), but a month is a long time to go without someone you love.

Glad he's coming home and that you're excited. You probably have nothing to worry about. My suggestion? Wear something that makes you feel comfortable, yet sexy. Hope it all goes well!
03/08/2012
TameTemptress TameTemptress
Quote:
Originally posted by Ansley
Well said, P'Gell. Coming home from deployment, especially if it's his first, is very much like shell shock. Minute things have changed that we here at home might not have paid much notice to be but it will stick out like a sore thumb to him. ...
Well said, as well. ^^ I was only speaking of that first night my husband was home from his first combat deployment...that came naturally. The days/weeks/MONTHS after, were a lot of work and re-adjustment, for both my husband and myself. It takes time to find your groove and learn to be around each other again. While he was still the same person and man I loved, there was/still is, a lot that has changed in him, and I changed as well.

It was a very different experience (both the deployment and the homecoming/adjustment period) for us, with a combat tour, as opposed to him being out on a ship for a few weeks/months. Those were always much easier (for us...of course, everyone is different). I do think it helped a lot that at the point in our relationship where he was deployed for 8 months, we had been together for several years, and were married...I can see how it would be more nerve wracking if we were still new in our relationship.

And one month is not really a big deal to me now, but when I was still dating my husband, a month away felt like an eternity!
03/08/2012
Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
Quote:
Originally posted by Navy Serenity
Ok ladies! My man has been deployed for a month, i know its not long but its our 1st deployment together! we are so NERVOUS ABOUT HAVING SEX!!! I dont know how to initiate it.. Should we just let it happen? Should I try an outfit on? AHH! I dont have ...
OH Honey how exciting and I'm so glad to hear he's ok! First of all take a deep breath and calm down just a touch. Try wearing something sexy under your regular clothes when you greet him so that you have that special "I feel sexy and naughty" look about you from the beginning! My Mom always did that when my Dad was TDY (temporary duty) for an extended time.

Then just be happy to hug him and know he is safe and home even if it is for just a little while. The rest should come naturally. He's just as pent up as you are I would imagine and all you'll really need is a touch of privacy and VOILA!
03/08/2012
unfulfilled unfulfilled
I'm sure neither of you will care about outfits or not. It's being home and being able to touch one another again and talk in person . I'm sure things will fall right into placve. Don't worry about it, just enjoy the time you have together.
03/08/2012
El-Jaro El-Jaro
Congrats!

Tell him "thanks" for me when he gets back.

I wouldn't worry too much about clothes or anything, save it for that night or after the first go. I'd suggest jumping him at the first available opportunity.
03/08/2012
Total posts: 14
Unique posters: 11