So I brought these things up in two recent threads but both already had several pages of replies so I figured I'd have better luck getting input with a new thread.
My guy of a bit over two years is great, but he has some pretty peculiar (in my experience) habits/preferences regarding certain aspects of sex.
To start, in the 2+ years I've been with him, I'm not sure we've really kissed with tongue ONCE. I've spoken with him about it a couple times and he basically just said it wasn't something he's ever really understood the urge to do, that he's just "not that into it." At first I thought it might be because my breath stank or something so I started obsessively brushing and flossing and listerine-ing before every potential kiss interaction. Nothing changed. I've tried to like stealth transition to a tongue kiss in moments off particular passion, where for me, they seem most natural, but he basically never responds. I don't consider it a huge deal, as our kisses can still be sexy and all that. But it IS something I'd like to be able to have every now and then and I'm at a total loss as to what it's about and how to change it.
Second, he has a COMPLETE aversion to having his balls touched at all or having anything done to his ass. Even an innocent hand on his ass-cheek turns him off/makes him uncomfortable. It's come up several times, usually after I playfully slap him on the ass (it's hard not to, he's got a cute rump!), and he'll glare and say "no." He basically explains it as the sort of thing that if I ever did actually DO anything ie cross that line for him, the relationship would be over for him. That's really fine with me, as I'm not particularly interested in pegging and don't exactly miss playing with a guy's balls. If he doesn't want those things to be part of his sex life, fine.
However, I wonder about it because he was the victim of sexual abuse as a child. We've discussed that as well, though not in direct relation to the touching or the kissing. He generally seems mostly well adjusted, and I too was a victim of rape, though during my teen years, so I understand at least some of what he's had to reconcile. I can't decide whether I think these things are related, or if it even matters. If some of his physical guardedness is the result of childhood trauma, part of me thinks it's something we should try and work through so that things like me accidentally reaching too far down and touching his balls instead of his cock don't completely "ruin it" for him. On the other hand, as I said before, I think it's reasonable to have things you just don't want to be part of your sex life, and I certainly don't want to push him away. I just hope that decision isn't coming from a place of pain... I also wonder if the kissing thing may be related. He's fairly guarded, generally speaking, and I can't really tell if perhaps that guardedness may be what's keeping him away from kissing with tongue? I know I consider them more personal, intimate, and passionate...
What do you guys think? Am I thinking way to much about it? Do you think these things are related? Do you think it's a problem I should be worried about or not a big deal that I should just let be?
If you think it's something that needs to be addressed, any advice on how to go about starting that conversation?
My guy of a bit over two years is great, but he has some pretty peculiar (in my experience) habits/preferences regarding certain aspects of sex.
To start, in the 2+ years I've been with him, I'm not sure we've really kissed with tongue ONCE. I've spoken with him about it a couple times and he basically just said it wasn't something he's ever really understood the urge to do, that he's just "not that into it." At first I thought it might be because my breath stank or something so I started obsessively brushing and flossing and listerine-ing before every potential kiss interaction. Nothing changed. I've tried to like stealth transition to a tongue kiss in moments off particular passion, where for me, they seem most natural, but he basically never responds. I don't consider it a huge deal, as our kisses can still be sexy and all that. But it IS something I'd like to be able to have every now and then and I'm at a total loss as to what it's about and how to change it.
Second, he has a COMPLETE aversion to having his balls touched at all or having anything done to his ass. Even an innocent hand on his ass-cheek turns him off/makes him uncomfortable. It's come up several times, usually after I playfully slap him on the ass (it's hard not to, he's got a cute rump!), and he'll glare and say "no." He basically explains it as the sort of thing that if I ever did actually DO anything ie cross that line for him, the relationship would be over for him. That's really fine with me, as I'm not particularly interested in pegging and don't exactly miss playing with a guy's balls. If he doesn't want those things to be part of his sex life, fine.
However, I wonder about it because he was the victim of sexual abuse as a child. We've discussed that as well, though not in direct relation to the touching or the kissing. He generally seems mostly well adjusted, and I too was a victim of rape, though during my teen years, so I understand at least some of what he's had to reconcile. I can't decide whether I think these things are related, or if it even matters. If some of his physical guardedness is the result of childhood trauma, part of me thinks it's something we should try and work through so that things like me accidentally reaching too far down and touching his balls instead of his cock don't completely "ruin it" for him. On the other hand, as I said before, I think it's reasonable to have things you just don't want to be part of your sex life, and I certainly don't want to push him away. I just hope that decision isn't coming from a place of pain... I also wonder if the kissing thing may be related. He's fairly guarded, generally speaking, and I can't really tell if perhaps that guardedness may be what's keeping him away from kissing with tongue? I know I consider them more personal, intimate, and passionate...
What do you guys think? Am I thinking way to much about it? Do you think these things are related? Do you think it's a problem I should be worried about or not a big deal that I should just let be?
If you think it's something that needs to be addressed, any advice on how to go about starting that conversation?
