The "Suzy Homemaker" Issue...

The "Suzy Homemaker" Issue...

MamaDivine MamaDivine
Do you find that when you tell someone you're a "stay at home mom" or a "Housewife" that you get .....The look?

I was asked what I did for a living from a friend that I hadn't spoken to since high school. They are super successful, financially stable and all sorts of perks that come along with that. Which I am totally happy for them. However, when I told them what I did for a living (Stay at home mom/housewife/suzy homemaker-whatever you would like to refer to it as), I got "The Look"...it was almost a "pity look" and I had to laugh.

Just wondered if she realized that I was perfectly happy doing the best job in the world and being completely content and happy with the fact of knowing that my kids and my husband and my household are the most precious, treasured things in my life! LOL. Kinda funny really. Somewhat irritating, but in a way, funny.
03/09/2012
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Ansley Ansley
The reality of it is that she probably doesn't care that you are happy being a homemaker nor does she see the true value of it and for that she can take a long walk off a short pier.

My husband's boss constantly asks if I'm "happy" being a housewife and I constantly tell him to tell her to mind her own business. Being a feminist means you stand behind all of the choices women make in regards to how they live, not just the ones you value and most of the feminists I've run into don't seem to understand that concept.
03/09/2012
- Kira - - Kira -
I'm not a stay at home mom, but I never give anyone looks for being one. The days I'm home all day with my son are much more exhausting than days at work. I'm not sure how stay at home moms do it! If anything, you might get a look of "how are you not passed out or crazy by now?!" from me.

I'm no feminist, but I am a huge believer in the right to make choices (for men and women). If a person of any gender chooses to stay home with the children, then I have no problem so long as it's financially possible for them to do so. I do tend to have issues when people refuse to work and put their family in a financial hole just to be a stay at home mom. Yeah, well bills need to be paid too. So long as there's enough money to allow someone to stay home with the kids, then that's great. If a dad wanted to stay home, I'd be fine by that as well.
03/09/2012
PolyLove PolyLove
I haven't got "the look." But I don't get out much because our son is only 6 months, I don't drive, and hubby works a lot. Plus, I don't know many people around here, and those I do are suzy home makers/stay at home moms/whatever else we're called.
03/09/2012
Beck Beck
I know what you are talking about, I get that all the time. I also get told on regular basis how I should allow my children to be put into daycare just so I can get a job. The fact of the matter is that taking our children to day care would not be worth my minimum wage job. I would not get paid enough to cover the day care. It would end up costing us more than I would make and that is not worth it.

My children are in head start, but the teacher comes to the house. Even she makes comments like: "You should know how to take care of yourself and the kids should something happen to your hubby." Well that is actually taken care of for me. If my hubby dies each of my children will get paid $1000.00 a month until they are out of school through his social security. $2000.00 is more than enough to live off of in a month until they can go to school. Once they go to school, I will get a job, but until then I refuse to let someone else raise my children. I want to be the one who teaches them the values that I want them to have, not a stranger with their own values.
03/09/2012
ViVix ViVix
Quote:
Originally posted by MamaDivine
Do you find that when you tell someone you're a "stay at home mom" or a "Housewife" that you get .....The look?

I was asked what I did for a living from a friend that I hadn't spoken to since high school. They are ...
I personally could never find satisfaction in being a stay-at-home mom, but I don't look down upon those that do.
03/09/2012
ViVix ViVix
Quote:
Originally posted by Beck
I know what you are talking about, I get that all the time. I also get told on regular basis how I should allow my children to be put into daycare just so I can get a job. The fact of the matter is that taking our children to day care would not be ...
I think a backup plan in case something happens to the primary provider in any household is a smart idea!
03/09/2012
wildorchid wildorchid
My aunt does that to my Mom all the time. I have a friend who wishes she could be a stay-at-home-mom. I am not a mom, but I can't give people "the look" or even the talk. I know how it makes my Mom feel when my Aunt just doesn't have a clue how happy my mom is that she made the choice to stay home and raise my sister and I. We think she thinks my mom just sits at home and does nothing all day. Of course that's not the case, she has one of a the hardest jobs in the world (not to belittle anyone who works as well, you guys have double duty sometimes I think!). It is not fair for anyone to judge another's choices.
03/09/2012
Jaimes Jaimes
What doesn't make sense to me is how women feel justified talking to another person like that. Not another woman, another person.

Rude is rude is rude is rude. Talking down to someone because they get the same satisfaction in caring for their family full-time as you do at your full-time job is just callous and narrow-minded.

I do have a career, and it makes me happy. Being a homemaker is a career. If it makes you happy, well then rock on.

What I hope all the homemakers will say to the Negative Nancy "feminists" out there: Mind your own damned business. I've got to get back to work.
03/09/2012
El-Jaro El-Jaro
I'd have no problem being a stay-at-home dad, none at all!

The way I see it, it's a trade off of money vs. being more hands-on with your kids.
03/09/2012
js250 js250
I have found that a lot of people equate money with success and happiness. This is very prevalent in the corporate world, the women who chose a career instead of being a homemaker. They have set invisible standards of living for other women, and if you do not live up to them, you must be poor or unhappy. This is their way of justifying their choices. Irritating, yes...Sad? Definitely. I feel more sorry for the driven than I do for the people who are happy and settled in whatever choice they have made for their lives.

There is no price tag or wage equivalent to raising your children to be productive and healthy members of society. And the right to be proud of that is a given.
03/09/2012
P'Gell P'Gell
I have spend much time at home with my children and also have worked part time or in private practice so I could set my own hours. I worked to day with a patient and am home in time to greet my youngest child when she returns from school, and I was here to see her off this morning.

I always am happy when I hear new moms are thinking of staying at home, even if it's just for a little while. You can't replace the time you spend with your kids. I enjoyed my kids a lot and wouldn't have missed their tears, their smiles and milestones for any amount of money.

I am fortunate enough (and looked hard enough) to have a partner who is willing and able to support a family of five, so it worked out. Yeah, we went into some debt, but it was less of a problem than if my children hadn't had me around when they needed me.
03/09/2012
Jaimes Jaimes
Quote:
Originally posted by js250
I have found that a lot of people equate money with success and happiness. This is very prevalent in the corporate world, the women who chose a career instead of being a homemaker. They have set invisible standards of living for other women, and if ...
I think I disagree with believing that people who go to work are just after money, or that they equate money with success. Being driven isn't just about making money, drive is what makes us do what we choose to do, whether it is to raise a family or go to work. I know plenty of very successful women who don't measure their success by how much money they bring in from work, but by how they make the people around them happy. And, furthermore, that transcends the sexes. My husband works, but a career isn't what he is driven to work on day in and day out to be happy. It's his relationship to his family and friends.

Every person's drive is personal and unique. Yes, some people enjoy the comfort and freedom that comes with money, and if they work for it, they appreciate that it is a tangible reward for the work they do. For others, money is just what pays the bills, and they work because they feel a need to satisfy the urge to be productive, or make a difference in the world, however big or small the scope, they live in. And when I say work, I'm including everyone, whether they commute to the office or raise their kids.

Seriously, great discussion!
03/09/2012
Hot 'N Sexy TexasMama Hot 'N Sexy TexasMama
For the majority of our 32 years of marriage, I've been a stay at home wife & mom. We homeschooled for 12 years even.

I don't regret the times I've stayed home. However, I do often regret the times I worked part-time and wish I could take those times back and redo them.
03/09/2012
MamaDivine MamaDivine
Quote:
Originally posted by - Kira -
I'm not a stay at home mom, but I never give anyone looks for being one. The days I'm home all day with my son are much more exhausting than days at work. I'm not sure how stay at home moms do it! If anything, you might get a look of ...
I agree with what you're saying about the financial aspect. As of right now, It would really benefit us if I worked (for a decent wage). However, I have been a housewife/stay at home mom since I was 16 yrs old. Thats all I know. I have no experience/background/ college education etc. I have tried to go in for interviews for some higher paying jobs and I didn't get them because theres always someone with more experience or knowledge of the jobs. It sucks. If I were to get a minimum wage job, it would actually COST me to work. I would have to put out for daycare, gas, another vehicle etc. I can't see myself working away from home for 8-10 hours a day, having someone else raise my kids and me being too exhausted to spend time with them. All so I can pay someone else to watch the kids and put more money in someone elses pocket. As of right now, that situation just doesn't seem right to me.

If i were able to get a job that paid more than $10 an hour, I'd be all over it though. I hate not feeling as though I am contributing to the finances. however, since I am an "extreme couponer", I am able to save us LOADS of money, budget our funds to the max and still have the house stocked up on everything we need with what little he brings in. Its not much, but we get by. Things could definitely be better, but for now, I want to make sure that me working would be beneficial financially and for my kids sakes.

Trust me, its not easy doing it! LOL. Stay at home parents never get to "go home" or "take vacation days". When the spouse that works comes home, they know they are leaving their job and can leave all that bs behind them and relax a little. With us, we're on call 24/7. Its exhausting some days, but I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. Watching my babies grow and learn and being apart of that every day is the most rewarding job in my eyes. If it came down to it, to where I HAD to work in order for us to get by, I'd be on it in a heartbeat. No way would I put us in jepordy because I wanted to continue to be a stay at home mom. I agree with you though with those that refuse to work because they simply don't want to, lazy, etc. My mother in law is like that and it drives me CRAZY! ughh lol.
03/10/2012
MamaDivine MamaDivine
Quote:
Originally posted by Jaimes
I think I disagree with believing that people who go to work are just after money, or that they equate money with success. Being driven isn't just about making money, drive is what makes us do what we choose to do, whether it is to raise a family ...
I completely agree! I will admit that I was somewhat envious of her material possessions that she has, but I know that folks that have that sort of lifestyle (more times than not) work very hard for the things that they have, so I don't hold it against them. Its those that DON"T work hard for what they have and tend to squander their money frivolously or simply use it as leverage or a public status that tend to get me up in arms lol.

I'm the "Need to work to feel productive' type. Material things are nice, but you can't take them to the grave with you and you certainly won't be remembered (after youre gone) by what you had in life. Or at least, I wouldn't want to be remembered that way. I love being home with my babies, BUT I hate that I don't feel productive enough financially. Some days it feels like the same thing over and over again and it would be nice for a change up. Maybe having a job would give me more stability in a schedule, if that makes sense?

I would love to bring in some more income for us to be better off, but I also can't see myself being away from my kids. When the time comes that I HAVE to, for us to live comfortably, then I will do what I have to do for my family.

Thanks for the comment about the discussion!
03/10/2012
- Kira - - Kira -
Quote:
Originally posted by MamaDivine
I agree with what you're saying about the financial aspect. As of right now, It would really benefit us if I worked (for a decent wage). However, I have been a housewife/stay at home mom since I was 16 yrs old. Thats all I know. I have no ...
If you really, really need the money, then look into a minimum wage job but with a schedule opposite your husband. That way someone is always home with the kids and you don't have to give part of the hard earned funds to a daycare. I wouldn't recommend you do that full time as you'd likely die of exhaustion!

The spouse that works doesn't get days off either! Just because we get to leave work doesn't mean we get to leave our responsibilities at the office door, at least not in my world. I work a 40+ hour week, come home, and then take care of my son on top of that. I'm on call 24/7 as much as you are. Any parent is. I have the added stress of the fact that his school can call me at work and say he's sick and then I have to tell my boss I need yet more time off for a sick child. Some who have children are understanding. Those who are childless usually are not. So it's like working two full jobs, at least for me. I live tired. LOL I use my lunch break at work for naps.

I can see how being a stay at home mom would be very rewarding. Seeing every little milestone is something I'm very envious of because I've missed so many. I just know my patience is thin and a screaming toddler all day would wear my patience into the ground. I'm also the type that needs to interact with people not to get depressed, so I need to be out and in the work force. I like to help people in some way outside of my immediate family. It makes me feel good in addition to what I do with my family. I don't think I would feel fulfilled without that in my life. So that's why I choose to work. Plus added income is nice!
03/10/2012
MamaDivine MamaDivine
Quote:
Originally posted by P'Gell
I have spend much time at home with my children and also have worked part time or in private practice so I could set my own hours. I worked to day with a patient and am home in time to greet my youngest child when she returns from school, and I was ...
That is great P'Gell! I wish that I could find something that I could work with my schedule and make some side cash (like after my hubby comes home). No one wants to hire me because I have no degree and no experience tho lol.

When I had my first two kids with my first husband, I dedicated the entire first year with them. Staying home, raising them, etc. I went back to school after my first was born (a year after he was born) and finished school. After my daughter was born, I waited a year and then I got back into the home businesses (avon, cutco, etc).

Now that I have my daughter with my second husband, I really want to be able to at least give my last child that same "first year". Im doing little things at home and doing the super saver coupon thing lol...So Im doing what I can to still contribute.
03/10/2012
MamaDivine MamaDivine
Quote:
Originally posted by - Kira -
If you really, really need the money, then look into a minimum wage job but with a schedule opposite your husband. That way someone is always home with the kids and you don't have to give part of the hard earned funds to a daycare. I ...
You definitely have a point with "not all parents get days off" lol. My husband, is more of that type, simply because I take on most of the responsibilities at home. He works hard for us, and so I try to make sure that he is comfortable and the house/finances are "My job" to worry about. If things get hairy or I need his input, then he is brought into the situation and we work out a solution together. I take care of pretty much everything else, so techniiiiiiically he does get days off/time off LOL. He knows that he can nap if he needs one, etc etc. The only thing he really has to worry about is when I have to go to an appt, because we only have one car, so trying to schedule around his schedule can be tricky sometimes.

He works 6am to 2pm though, so its super nice that he is out of work and still able to spend most of the day with us .

I am the same way with the depression. I find myself not being able to socialize much with adults with being a stay at home mom. Most of the time you will find me on here in the forums OR on Facebook. Because his family lives across state and we don't really talk to my family here, I try to socialize and communicate as much as I can with them on chat and on cam so they are as much apart of our lives as anyone else. That, and my friends here are just totally a loss. They are "too busy with their own lives" and most of them don't have kids, so they aren't as "kid friendly" as I am LOL. Which can be a struggle. Its tough sometimes, not being depressed because of the lack of socialization or me getting out of the house, but we do our best and I know that we are working towards bigger things. Its just going to take time. We seriously screwed our credit up in our previous marriages. We were young and dumb, and trying to get back our stability so that we can buy a house of our own instead of renting. We definitely need a bigger house LOL. But, all in all, I would have to agree that BOTH sides definitely have their pros and cons. I respect those that work so hard for us that stay home!
03/10/2012
MamaDivine MamaDivine
Quote:
Originally posted by El-Jaro
I'd have no problem being a stay-at-home dad, none at all!

The way I see it, it's a trade off of money vs. being more hands-on with your kids.
Agreed JR! There is definitely pros and cons to each side of the coin. There are some days I wish that I was the one that had the "9-5" job, but then there are days that staying home with the kiddos MAKES my day. So you have to take the good with the bad, no matter where you stand
03/10/2012
MamaDivine MamaDivine
Quote:
Originally posted by Beck
I know what you are talking about, I get that all the time. I also get told on regular basis how I should allow my children to be put into daycare just so I can get a job. The fact of the matter is that taking our children to day care would not be ...
Same here beck. Min wage here, would probably kill us financially. We have one vehicle and I can't rely on anyone of my family or friends to watch my children. Not to mention, I did day care when my older two were babies and my daughter ended up with a skin disease that was eating away at her because of something in the house. That scared the crap out of me and I felt guilty as hell having left them there. So needless to say, that was the end of THAT lol.

Im considering going to school (at home/online) to have something to add to my resume. Maybe something that I can use online? I blog and I LOVE crafting. I would love to get something of an education in the way of helping me to build my own at home business with creating my polymer clay jewelry and items. That would be awesome! Plus it would give me an edge within the crafting business that most may not have. I want to better myself, for sure, and to have some skills that I can build upon. So that is definitely going to be one of the things Im going to be looking into soon.
Besides, picking day care folks these days is tricky. I've heard about four stories in the last few years of day care providers coming out about having abused/killed or even molested the kids. Scary shit!
03/10/2012
MamaDivine MamaDivine
Quote:
Originally posted by PolyLove
I haven't got "the look." But I don't get out much because our son is only 6 months, I don't drive, and hubby works a lot. Plus, I don't know many people around here, and those I do are suzy home makers/stay at home moms/whatever else we're called.
lol @ whatever else we're called.
03/10/2012
Beck Beck
Quote:
Originally posted by MamaDivine
Same here beck. Min wage here, would probably kill us financially. We have one vehicle and I can't rely on anyone of my family or friends to watch my children. Not to mention, I did day care when my older two were babies and my daughter ended up ...
I have similar things going on too. We only have one car and my family lives over 100miles away, so asking them to watch is out of the question. The responsibility relies on me.

I too am considering going to school online, but I really am not sure about it. I thought about doing medical coding and billing, but really I hated school so much that I don't know if I can mentally handle more of it.

Our area has had some horror stories going around about some serious abuse going on too. Our schools are even so bad that we are considering home schooling the kids because it is bad. I grow up in a city near the newest high school shooting. We know we can't protect them from everything, but it is our responsibility to protect them as much as we can and educate them to make the best decisions.
03/10/2012
P'Gell P'Gell
Quote:
Originally posted by MamaDivine
That is great P'Gell! I wish that I could find something that I could work with my schedule and make some side cash (like after my hubby comes home). No one wants to hire me because I have no degree and no experience tho lol.

When I had ...
Your jobs are raising your kids and Couponing. Couponing can save a boat load of money and a penny saved is a penny earned! Figure out what you have saved in a year, I bet it's at least as much as you would have made in a part time job before paying for daycare, probably more.

I looked at things I was good at and blended it with the education I already had, and being a Lactation Consultant came up as the perfect job. The money isn't great (I do a lot of Pro Bono work, and even when I work, it isn't earth shattering money) I love doing it, and now that my kids are older and our "bonus baby" is old enough to sometimes let herself in until My Man or I or our middle daughter get home (and our next door neighbors are both home, so she has people she can go to, plus reach anyone in the family on the phone) it works out. I think we all do what works best for our families.

Life has seasons. Try to make the best of each.
03/10/2012
- Kira - - Kira -
Quote:
Originally posted by MamaDivine
You definitely have a point with "not all parents get days off" lol. My husband, is more of that type, simply because I take on most of the responsibilities at home. He works hard for us, and so I try to make sure that he is comfortable and ...
Aww maybe I need to get my hubby to be a stay at home dad and then he can handle all the home stuff. lol That sounds like a good deal. I get naps on weekends when my son naps, but I usually want to nap longer than he does. LOL!

Do they have any Mommy and Me things you could go to really close to your home? I've heard those are good for socializing with fellow moms. When you have kids and your friends don't, the interests tend to be very different. My husband and I noticed a lot of our friends dropped off the face of the planet when our son was born. We were hard party people before and our friends remained that way after, so we just didn't have much in common anymore. Some of them have had kids since and now hang out with us again in their new revised kid friendly form. LOL
03/10/2012
Deleted25 Deleted25
Quote:
Originally posted by MamaDivine
Do you find that when you tell someone you're a "stay at home mom" or a "Housewife" that you get .....The look?

I was asked what I did for a living from a friend that I hadn't spoken to since high school. They are ...
LMAO! I am a cam model however I keep that aspect of my life private because I do not want to tell certain friends and family members. I tell everyone I am a stay at home mom for the most part I get the looks of oh and then they look me up and down like im a parasite. When this happens I feel the need to defend myself and say "yeah I have 3 young children and I just graduated with a bachelors in psychology". Than they say oh yeah the economy is so bad and just assume im not working because of the economy lol its hilarious. Women look at me like ugh your one of those women?! Yeah so dont feel bad I get that look all the time! Its funny because women that do not stay home do not understand how much work goes into being a stay at home mom. We NEVER get off work! Keep your head up girly.
03/10/2012
Deleted25 Deleted25
Quote:
Originally posted by Beck
I know what you are talking about, I get that all the time. I also get told on regular basis how I should allow my children to be put into daycare just so I can get a job. The fact of the matter is that taking our children to day care would not be ...
The prices the prices girl i KNOW!!!! I have a 5 year old a 2 1/2 year old and a 6 month old lol. My 5 year old goes to afterschool care for 52.00 a week because he enjoys it and doesnt want to come home with boring mom lol and the 2 1/2 year old is in daycare for 175.00 a week so he can get social interaction and because frankly im just too exhausted from camming 6 hours at night well into 3 am and than getting up and getting my 5 year old to school and making sure hw is done and so many other things I have to do during the day I dont thnk I could function if my 2 1/2 year old was home lol. But alot of people do not understand how expensive daycare is if I was making minimum wage or even 10.00 an hour I would not be able to pay the 52.00 for after school plus the 175.00 for the 2 1/2 year old and than 200.00 for my 6 month old that's 427.00 a week that would be more than the paycheck I would get! I think it is too funny when people say that because they dont actually do the math and figure out "well hey she would be working for 0.00 or negtive money a month"
03/10/2012
Deleted25 Deleted25
Quote:
Originally posted by - Kira -
Aww maybe I need to get my hubby to be a stay at home dad and then he can handle all the home stuff. lol That sounds like a good deal. I get naps on weekends when my son naps, but I usually want to nap longer than he does. LOL!

Do they ...
HAHAHAHAHA I asked my husband to quit his job and let me just handle his bills too because I pay 98% of them now just so I can see him more because he works almost everyday and he laughed and said "I'm not going to be your butler"! I was a little offended but was like whatever lol. Men I tell you!
03/10/2012
Total posts: 28
Unique posters: 13