Of course, everyone makes judgments all day long, it's the only way to live with other people in a society. But, I sense you're referring to hurtful, uncalled for judgments in particular, no? I don't necessarily mean judgment as the pejorative that it's commonly taken for these days, although I do include that aspect of it. I think people today just refer to it as judging when in fact they specifically mean judging harshly, negatively, or without the actual facts.

I am curious about how this affects people's behavior, by seeing what they would do if freed from all judgment. I have no doubt that at least some of everyone's behavior is affected by concern for how they will be judged. For example, I don't go over to my neighbors' house right now and slap the heck out of their screaming, spoiled, hateful, little shit of a child. I don't want jail time, plus I don't want to deal with the judgments people will make about me based on my action.

I'd like to know if there's something that you really want to do, that you would except for the fear of being judged about it. I can imagine from the sex standpoint that many people refrain from doing something because they don't want to face the judgment they expect. I have know a few different gay friends who didn't ask out a friend they were interested in because they were unsure of the reaction they would get and feared losing the friendship they already had with the person. For sure, some men don't ask their partners for anal sexploration because of different fears of judgment, such as being judged as 'secretly gay' and so on.

So, anybody think of something they would do? Would you try stripping? Would you have sex with someone significantly younger or older than you who you otherwise wouldn't only because of people judging you? Those are just some examples to help you think of ideas, but it can be anything. less

I've always tried to take the position that we judge based on the flight or fight response we possess. You judge people to figure out whether or not you can trust them but I think when it comes to things like what you would do in the bedroom or if you would strip or become a porn star...that's no one's business in the first place and the response to that should be "and you know I am doing this because how?" Meaning, I certainly wouldn't be blabbing it all over the place and they'd have to be in the same "darkness" as me in order to find it. Therefore, they have no reason to judge me in the first place.

I live my life they way I want to and I always have and there isn't anything that makes me stop and go "hmmm what would so and so think if I did this", I've just never really been that way, so maybe the question doesn't apply to me in general? less

This is a more philosophical question than I think might be realized at first. I think the concept of a lack of judgement would break down like this:
If there is no judgement whatsoever, then there is no consequence.
If there is no consequence, then there is no meaning to actions.
If there is no meaning to actions, then actions cease since action is only taken to achieve an end.

I can honestly say that I would want no part in a such a reality, if it can even be called that. - C less

I think it applies to you only in that you happen not to be stopped from doing anything you really want to do just because of a fear of being judged. And to me, that is a great outlook to have! I agree with all of what you said & about what shouldn't be judged which makes perfect sense. I love the fight or flight instinct position - it really makes sense! I wish I thought of specifying that in my topic, but maybe some will fully read your comment and see this more clearly and gain valuable perspective.

It's just that I know you are unusual in this; there have to be some people who don't do things because of the judgment of others. I know someone who won't leave a dead marriage because the other spouse requires care as they are very disabled from an accident. The person doesn't want to be the bad guy in everyone's eyes by leaving. That's just another example. But, I don't think everyone has to have any examples, just that many will and I was curious.

I am glad it has started interesting conversation though, which is the whole goal of the topic, no matter what direction it takes. less

Upon further introspection, I guess I wasn't being totally forthright. I don't do things that embarrass my husband for fear he will be judged. I don't know...I think sometimes the expectations for human beings to "behave" (as it were) are way too high and in other cases not high enough. It's quite the paradox if I allow myself to go down the rabbit hole. Perhaps I should have stated that what other people think of me is none of my business? If they choose to slot me as lower than than them in life because of something I've done, they're the ones with the problem. There are people running around in this life doing things that are far worse than anything I could even contemplate doing. (Does this sound self-righteous? I swear I really don't give it that much thought. I'm just me and you can take me or leave me. It simplifies things in life.) less

I don't think that sounds the least bit self-righteous. You are merely pointing out the idiocy of the whole thing and there is no rhyme or reason to how people are judged, by whom and for what. As you say, there are so many worse things others do, why would anyone care to bother with you? But someone always has us under a microscope. And the more someone veers from the herd, the more they invest in trying to control &/or punish that person. I think everyone at some point in their lives has said, "What the hell do they care? What business is it of their's? Why can't I do whatever I want?" When actually, you can, you just have to expect there will sometimes be that type of fallout and know yourself well enough to know if you can blow it off.

Matter of fact, your attitude is probably the healthiest attitude to take. You realize you can prevent some things, but not all. But, rather than fuel the fire, as some do in an "Ah screw it! They want to see bad, I'll give them bad!" type attitude, you live by your own code and that's the best any person can do. You have chosen to alter your behavior if need be, to support your partner. But in general, you are choosing your battles and ignoring the rest. Agreed, it simplifies things tremendously. Nobody can please everyone, nor should they try. Please yourself and anyone else whose opinions you value. less

Quite frankly, I'd actually dress how I wanted to instead of tucking my inner fashionista deep down in the recesses of my soul...being overweight the way I am, I tend to get a lot of nasty looks and half-hidden snickers/random rude comments.

It always makes me really, really self conscious to the point of having some of the worst panic attacks of my life, so I usually dress in modest, baggy clothing to try and 'blend in' so to speak. The less people notice me, the better. less

I would lie, cheat, and steal, murder and rape, if I knew nobody would judge me, including myself. Would I be active in volunteering if I didn't feel the need to judge myself a good person? Would I try so hard to be honest? Another way to put it, anonymity (when judgments cannot be traced to an individual) has costs, as the high numbers of "trolls" and flaming comments on the internet show.

Even as we discuss not judging, we are making judgments, at the very least judging what a reaction would be, down to explicit judgments of others such as "far worse than.." or "bigger problems than..." Judging is inherent in human nature, it's a response based on prior experience ("Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me"). For instance, stereotypes are concentrated judgments based on perceived social experience, which is why it's so hard to break them: they are assumed to be statistically high, so you need a lot of quantity or a few high quality cases to override them.

I found the book Predictably Irrational by Dan Ariely to be very interesting and pertinent to this discussion. He empirically tests that almost everyone cheats given the opportunity, but we only cheat a little bit before our internal judgment mechanisms kick in. "The true measure of a person's character is what he or she will do when they know they won't be caught" is another flavor of this question, in my opinion. I think we all like to think of ourselves as honest and good, and based on these findings, for the most part, most people are, but I think Ariely's findings are right that we will cheat a little if we know we won't be caught (or judged). For example, would you really fight to get back to the counter of a crowded store if you got extra change? As an aside, his treatment of the high cost of free is also very thought provoking in light of Eden's point and review system.

I think only the completely ignorant or thoughtless can be truly "non-judgmental." We are always making judgments, whether or not we express them, and being accepting is simply judging a person's worth based on their biological status as a human being or some other universal status above their identification with a particular group that may not be in favor with others. You can love a thief but you probably should not trust them with your car, which is a form of judgment. I try to be accepting of others but being non-judgmental is a false goal.

Of course, this may be simply my personal definition of each of the terms. Let me know what you all think, I hope I didn't cram too much into one post. less

Now you can all judge me as crass and pedantic. Normally I think I hide it better but the anonymity of the internet allows me to speak my mind and not face the consequences. Judgments are made but they don't reach "me," in any long term capacity, just my avatar in this case.

I am not sure a consideration of this fundamental aspect of humanity's ability to learn and its positive as well as negative consequences was the intent of the original post but I went there anyway. So apparently this is a pretty good test case because "in real life" I'm fairly soft spoken, accepting, and reserved, whereas on Eden I can be potentially...insensit ive? Inconsiderate? Most times I raise an objection to someone in person I regret it, but here speaking frankly is not as likely to hurt me, and I don't feel as bound by social obligations.

As for the original intent of the discussion, one thing I would do is wear the same clothes for multiple days in a row. Honestly, I think it's very wasteful to wash clothes after just wearing them once but I don't want people to think I'm a hobo. Then again, there are people who push personal hygiene issues past my own thresholds so I can definitely understand why it is a concern for other people. Maybe just go naked more often? Of course there are people who I wouldn't really want to see naked, too, and there are LOTS of hygiene concerns with that. I guess it's very difficult for me to consider things outside of absolutes because if I were omnipotent, I wouldn't want to be unfair, even though life is. less

I'm sure some very well could be, but the one's I've actually heard are all pretty mean.
About eight years ago, my mom was babysitting one of my cousins and told me to go wait by this little park near our house so she could pick me up since she was going to be a while.
So I'm just standing there, waiting, when all of a sudden a group of teenagers walk by and one of the girls (probably around my age at the time) says "I thought they freed Willy." while making it unmistakably obvious she was talking about me.

Then just a few months ago I had a day when I was feeling pretty good about myself so I put on my favorite jeans, a cute babydoll style top, and my black and white pinstripe fedora and go out shopping...as I was browsing the aisles of the store (Dollar Tree, to be specific), I over heard the comments, "Trick or Treat" and "Who does she think she is? ...Lady Gaga?".
Honestly, neither me or my mother thought my outfit warranted either comment. I spent the rest of our afternoon out waiting in the van while she went into the stores.

I'm thinking most of the people that say things like that, I really ought to take pity on though...it seems their parents might have skipped the bit about manners. less