Which are you ?

Contributor: OH&W, Lovebears OH&W, Lovebears
One of you friends said something inappropriate to another in your group. A cheap shot disguised behind another's friendly comment. What would you do ?

Would you keep quiet if fear of losing that friend ?
Would you keep quiet in fear of your "Friend" taking shots at you ?
Answers (private voting - your screen name will NOT appear in the results):
6  (43%)
7  (50%)
1  (7%)
Total votes: 14
Poll is open
  • Get 3 Toys For $50 Only. Mix And Match
  • Save Extra 30% On Bestsellers
  • Give her 3 luxury treats for $60 only
  • Get a luxury couple's set for $60 only
  • Mix and match 3 men toys for $60 only
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
All promotions
Contributor: Wicked Wahine Wicked Wahine
I misread this. I thought it was about the person who felt the slight saying something, so I voted contact in private. If it's someone else you're friends with, I think it's best to talk to the one maligned, but let them deal with it because it's about them. You never know the history between these people and inserting yourself into it is not usually a good idea.

Now, if it's a public debate issue where it's in a discussion thread that they are posting these comments, for example, then you have more leeway, but still, I would contact the person I was friends with and ask if they were offended (that's assuming I caught it in the first place). If I thought the other was really out of line, I would contact them and ask if that's how they meant it. But, I try to let people fight their own battles.

If someone is really abusive on the forum, or other public space, of course, I would comment and if necessary defend the maligned. I have learned that things are not always as we perceive them online. Sometimes I have seen slights where they were not intended and also I have missed ones that were. I say be assertive and just ask them WTF?! Once you're clear that they are doing this deliberately (or they keep doing it passive aggressively), then you can ignore them, or toss a few barbs back and tell them to back off! Remember, on here, there are rules and you can flag posts, but you have to be sure they broke the rules first. It's always best to make sure it was intended (unless it's so obvious, such as calling you an f*ing moron or something without provocation).
Contributor: KyotoAngel KyotoAngel
When this did happen (not often, mind you) in my social circle, I generally asked that person why they said what they did when we had a moment of privacy.
I prefer not to jump to conclusions and just assume someone's being an ass so asking for details usually helps shed a little light on the issue.

Not many of the people I surround myself with even attempt that though.
Contributor: Aesenthia Aesenthia
Usually I am quiet and don't like confrontation, but when someone is out of line (even if it is a friend), then I will speak up. This came up several months ago when my friend's boyfriend made some remark about my son requesting the doctor's kit from a kid's show called "Doc Mcstuffins". The kit just happens to be pink and glittery. I told my son if he wanted it, I would get it for him. My friend's boyfriend made the comment "That kid is going to grow up to be gay." This really irritated me and I went off on him because that was truly uncalled for.
Contributor: edeneve edeneve
sweeping things under the rug never resolves anything. in fact, it perpetuates more of the same.

no one has the right to disrespect you. I prefer to bring up anything that doesn't fly right w/ others. I have found times that doing so has cleared up any misperception. AND, I have also found that the person just covered their behavior or what they said w/ a lie. not acceptable from anyone.

if your gut is telling you something isn't quite right, more times than not, your gut is on the money. running you perceptions by a close friend can help clarify things for you.