Do you and your partner have similar political views?

Do you and your partner have similar political views?

sillylilkitten sillylilkitten
My bf and I have pretty similar views, but there are a couple things we're very much at odds about. We'd been arguing about the gun control issue for over a week, and things got pretty heated last night, and I'm still pretty upset about it. It's an issue he feels very passionate about, but not something I have particularly strong views on, except in the case where I am against what his views are. Do you and your partner have similar views? Can you talk about politics without fighting? If you have gotten into political arguments, has it affected your relationship?
01/13/2013
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indiglo indiglo
We have similar views in politics, but not always the same. Where we differ a lot is in spiritual/religious ideals. In the beginning we did have some heated arguments/debates on the topics, but we have since learned some better communication techniques.

For us, the strategy that has worked is just to approach our partner's beliefs with a gentle curiosity. Viewing it as a way to get to know the other one better, to get inside their head, and see the world that they live in. Rather than speaking adversarially to each other, we simply listen (as a journalist would) and ask questions to understand the other's point of view. Maybe even asking what led them to that belief or understanding... all with the idea of just listening and learning more about the other person. Not thinking about how we'll respond, or try to change their mind.

As we've started learning how to just be curious about each other and how our minds work, we've really discovered that we often think about things in very similar ways... just arriving at different conclusions.

For me, knowing that helps me accept his point of view when it's different... because I now know that he didn't just jump to a conclusion, but he really had thought about it, and decided to believe something that felt logical to him. Since that's the same way I try to determine my own beliefs (rather than just making stuff up in my head), it makes it MUCH easier for me to respectfully agree to disagree.

We have learned to use communication techniques like LEAP, the IMAGO Mirroring Dialogue, Reflective Listening, and the like. All those techniques can be researched online, if anyone is curious about them.
01/13/2013
sillylilkitten sillylilkitten
Quote:
Originally posted by indiglo
We have similar views in politics, but not always the same. Where we differ a lot is in spiritual/religious ideals. In the beginning we did have some heated arguments/debates on the topics, but we have since learned some better communication ...
See, that's exactly what I tried to do. That's all I'm interested in, is discussing things with him, trying to get to know what he thinks and why he feels that way, trying to see things from his point of view. But I guess it's not something he can really do, and that's what my issue is with, not with his particular views. I can already see that we are very similar, but he's convinced himself that I'm his enemy, and I don't know what to do about it. We still love each other, but it feels like he also hates me right now. I would have liked to change his mind, but that was never my goal, I just wanted to discuss things like mature adults, and it ended with him pretty much calling me a terrorist sympathizer and saying he wouldn't care if I was shot and killed, which really hurt. I don't think he meant it, but still... I'm just not sure how to get him to calm down and see that I didn't mean anything mean by any of it, and that it was all just innocent curiosity and wanting to talk about why he came to the conclusions he did.
01/13/2013
ShadowedSeductress ShadowedSeductress
We do have similar views. There are times where are views differ some, but we don't generally argue about it. I have also noticed that as we get older, our views on things tend to change together. I really love that because it makes things easier.

It really sounds like he overreacted though. I don't see a reason to be so harsh even if you do disagree with him.
01/13/2013
indiglo indiglo
Quote:
Originally posted by sillylilkitten
See, that's exactly what I tried to do. That's all I'm interested in, is discussing things with him, trying to get to know what he thinks and why he feels that way, trying to see things from his point of view. But I guess it's not ...
Our conversations didn't always go well in the past. We had some serious blow ups before too, and he said some things to me that really hurt, and I know I said things to him that hurt too.

Would you be able to (once you're both calm & have settled) maybe tell him all that stuff you just said? That the way your previous conversation went was hurtful to both of you, and what could you do together to keep hurtful things from being said in the future?

Maybe then research some of those communication models on your own (or together), because often what gets heard by 1 person isn't what got said by the other person. If that makes sense.

We also agreed to put those kinds of conversations on hold until we had better tools to communicate about them.
01/13/2013
sillylilkitten sillylilkitten
Quote:
Originally posted by indiglo
Our conversations didn't always go well in the past. We had some serious blow ups before too, and he said some things to me that really hurt, and I know I said things to him that hurt too.

Would you be able to (once you're both calm ...
That's a pretty good idea. I'm just worried about bringing up the conversation again because I don't want him getting mad all over again. I did try to tell him what my intentions were, but it was probably at the wrong time because he was still too angry to listen to me. But for sure, I'll definitely look into those techniques you mentioned. Thank you for the advice.
01/13/2013
indiglo indiglo
Well, I hope it works out!

You don't really HAVE to talk about those subjects with your partner... but my man said before that he'd hate for us to have certain topics that were just "off limits". He liked the idea of us being able to talk about anything and everything. And I like that idea too.

Hopefully you'll get some other good input before too long too. I don't think there is 1 magic bullet for any particular situations, different things work for different people.
01/13/2013
married with children married with children
my wife does not care about politics, I do.
01/14/2013
GONE! GONE!
Yep, actually, my partner and I have basically the same views completely when it comes to politics.
01/14/2013
Lildrummrgurl7 Lildrummrgurl7
We have pretty similar views. He just hates discussing politics so it's not something we discuss on a regular basis. He's also not as passionate about some issues as I am.
01/14/2013
falalena falalena
Quote:
Originally posted by sillylilkitten
My bf and I have pretty similar views, but there are a couple things we're very much at odds about. We'd been arguing about the gun control issue for over a week, and things got pretty heated last night, and I'm still pretty upset about ...
we have very similar views on most issues, and slightly similar views on one or two. i do not believe i could ever be in a serious relationship with someone that had strongly different political views from me.
01/14/2013
Total posts: 11
Unique posters: 7