The New Intimacy

Deal breakers: the ones that others find silly, but are a big deal to you

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Contributor: Supervixen Supervixen
We all have deal breakers, and personally, I think that even the ones that might seem silly or trivial, are really important to keeping a healthy relationship. Sure, no one is perfect, and your SO will probably do things that bug you once in a while, but you can live with it. But what about those little details that just drive you nuts about a person?

For instance, general knowledge is an issue for me. No, you don't have to be a human encyclopedia of knowledge, but if you can't name all 50 states (and you're an American), if you don't know the difference between China and Japan, or if you think that JFK was the president during WWII, it's a major turn off. You have to be aware of the world that you live in. The more aware, the better. But if you lack basic, common knowledge, I assume that you aren't an intellectually curious person, and I find that boring. Also, if you're not a reader. I'm a huge reader and I love talking about literature. If you don't read, then I take that as a sign of our lack of compatibility. If you smoke pot more than once in a while, I'm moving on. It's just a thing for me.

Do you have deal breakers like this? Or am I just a picky snot?
11/07/2012
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Contributor: solitudinarian solitudinarian
Yours sound fine. I find the majority of these to be ridiculous. Actually, most of those apply to my boyfriend's place. Lucky for him that I don't consider them to be deal breakers.

I went on a date with a guy and he told me that he gets bored if he isn't constantly talking to someone. He didn't get a second date. I'm an introvert. I can't deal with someone who can't handle five minutes of silence.
11/08/2012
Contributor: MidnightStorm MidnightStorm
Quote:
Originally posted by Supervixen
We all have deal breakers, and personally, I think that even the ones that might seem silly or trivial, are really important to keeping a healthy relationship. Sure, no one is perfect, and your SO will probably do things that bug you once in a while, ... more
You're definitely not a picky snot. However, I would like to note that I often spend hours having discussions and debates with my man and my knowledge of America is rather lacking. Frankly, I just don't find this country or it's history (or history in general, really) to be interesting. I also don't retain random facts well, so there are a lot of things that people consider "ZOMG SO NECESSARY" types of things that I don't recall.

Hmm... Deal-breakers for me? Someone who is overly dramatic, I think. I know several people that seem very dramatic in a number of ways and I always think; "Good heavens, I could NEVER date that person."

Everything else is subjective, for the most part. I can almost say that bad sex is a deal-breaker, but only early in the relationship. I wouldn't continue dating someone who was horrible in bed, but I wouldn't break up with someone I loved because of it.
11/08/2012
Contributor: GONE! GONE!
Yeah, I want someone who knows basic information about the world we live in too. I would let it slide for someone who had a good excuse (For example, someone who grew up in a homeschooled family that failed at schooling and was just learning about real history and stuff in college.).
11/08/2012
Contributor: Chilipepper Chilipepper
Lack of intelligence and application of it. (If you know me, enough said.)

Kids. (Shush - it's because I don't want them getting used to me, and then their dad and I break up and I leave the picture. It's not fair to the kids.)

Any type of drama - exes, family, personal, etc. (I get shit for not accepting it, so I consider that to be others' idea of "silly reason".)

Polo shirts. (Incredibly silly, but I hate the fucking things.)
11/08/2012
Contributor: mastersonv mastersonv
Deal breakers for me would be hiding things. I'm open and honest and expect my guy to be too. Having a child with another person could potentially be a deal breaker just because I don't want no baby mama drama in my life. Not wanting to eventually get married is also a deal breaker. I hold a lot of value into getting married and I don't want to be with someone who someday wouldn't want the same.
11/08/2012
Contributor: Modern^Spank^Anthem Modern^Spank^Anthem
being arrogant all of the time
11/08/2012
Contributor: El-Jaro El-Jaro
They must be:
Non-christian, honest, no drugs, some time in college (for the experience), not a virgin, and have a job/car/own place.

I'm actually really turned off by the always active, sports enthusiast types who are militant non-smokers.

No kids.
11/08/2012
Contributor: ginnyluvspotter ginnyluvspotter
I wouldnt be with someone who doesnt have a job or their own place. They can't do hard drugs (I have dated people who smoke weed not a big deal for me), They have to love kids since I have three of my own but be able to understand that they have a dad and don't need another one. They can't he a heavy drinker and must know at least some basic knowledge I couldn't spend my life with someone that doesn't know anything.
11/08/2012
Contributor: Pink Lily Pink Lily
After a particularly rough week my roommate and I sat down and made lists about what we wanted in a guy. One thing that was on both of our lists was that he couldn't care more about his appearance than we did.

Number 1 on my list was "must be intelligent" so I think you're fine.
11/08/2012
Contributor: jr2012 jr2012
I think "deal breaker" has such a finality to it that I can't rule out too many things....but being a smoker or heavy is something I could not overcome.

What can I say, I like to keep things clean.
11/08/2012
Contributor: dv8 dv8
A woman I date has to have a refined palate but not be a snob who won't eat an occasional cheeseburger. I absolutely can't deal with picky eaters who'll avoid common ingredients like onions and mushrooms or who'll avoid foods cuz they're "weird".
11/08/2012
Contributor: Supervixen Supervixen
Quote:
Originally posted by dv8
A woman I date has to have a refined palate but not be a snob who won't eat an occasional cheeseburger. I absolutely can't deal with picky eaters who'll avoid common ingredients like onions and mushrooms or who'll avoid foods cuz they're "weird".
That's another one! I can't stand picky eaters. They really piss me off. Most picky eaters are just not adventurous. If you won't eat something because it's "weird" then you'll probably be a boring person who won't do other things because it's "weird." I mean, if it's like really, really out there (honey, I'm making bat head soup!) that's one thing. But if you won't try sushi or something really common, then I hate that. Also, I love cooking, and I love cooking for other people. It really makes me happy to make entire meals for people. If you won't eat what I fix for you (I mean, if you have a thing or two you don't like, fine, I won't make it. My guy hates eggplant, which I find baffling, but I keep kosher and pick on him a bit for being a non-kosher Jew, but he's still pretty open to eating all kinds of things), then that's going to be an issue.

I'm sorry to all the picky eaters on here. It's just a thing for me.
11/09/2012
Contributor: nova2014 nova2014
A deal breaker for me is someone who doesn't understand that my family is important to me
12/04/2012
Contributor: Perspicace mais érotique Perspicace mais érotique
I don't know if I really have any that others would find silly. My deal breakers (when I was actively dating) were liars, cheaters and not wanting to have children in the future. Also, I would never put up with an abuser. I had one boyfriend raise his hand to hit me once and after I put him in his place, I said goodbye.
04/06/2020